Fears of taking a new job or not with a massive relocation?

[RCJD]

Apologies for the length - stick with me!

TL:DR - A 33-year-old woman in Scotland, skilled in cadaveric work, is unhappy in her new managerial role at a medical school. She’s considering a job offer from a private company outside London that aligns with her expertise. However, the cost of living and the need for a significant salary increase to maintain her current lifestyle are causing hesitation. Despite the potential job satisfaction, she’s unsure if the financial implications and emotional toll of relocating are worth it. She’s awaiting a formal offer to make a decision.

As my background, I've worked in a technical role working with cadavers for anatomy teaching. Mostly roles in university medical schools that involve embalming, medical device testing, surgical simulation on cadavers, health and safety, human tissue regulation so my skills are quite unique and pretty niche and I'm based in Scotland.
I've just moved from a role as a technician to a manager in the medical school, looking after engineering and biomedical engineering departments with some hand in surgical skills for my experience; more money, less heavy lifting (some health issues influencing this), reasonable level of flexibility but I'm not happy. The role is entirely new, entirely new location for me and I feel out of place, useless, not good at my job and I'm just not enjoying it. Everyone is being understanding and saying it'll take months to get used to it.

I applied, rather on a whim, for a job I saw on LinkedIn. Cadaveric jobs don't come up too often so I just thought I'd apply, see what happens. The only issue is the job is based outside of London. It's a private company who want to develop their own cadaveric testing facility for medical devices testing and surgical training - exactly what I used to do, what I enjoyed doing, what I'm good at. I've had three interviews essentially and flew to to visit their offices and the new facility and it's very nice and I really believe that they'll be successful with the venture and the prospect really excites me. Normally I hate interviews, I'm terrible at them and think I ruined it but it was the one experience where I felt confident, knew exactly what I was talking about, the role is very much everything I've already done with respect to operating a cadaveric testing lab.

We're at the stage of discussions where they've said they're going to offer me the job, they are happy with me, my skills and experience and I like them too, but this job is a massive life relocation and both of us are aware it's a big factor.
I've spoken to them and said that I need to see what they are offering in black and white, so they are away to draft an offer and get in touch with me. They've been very reasonable in discussions.
I currently live in Scotland and would be looking at moving to the Newbury/Basingstoke area. 400 miles away and it's hard for me right now to know that if I move down there for the job, I'll not be any better off, probably worse off financially.

As much as I don't enjoy my current role, it's still new, it could get better, I earn £44k, take home of around £2700, of which nearly £1500 is disposable, plus 42 days holiday a year.
Even trying to find a flat to rent down south is approximately £1200 a month, water charges, prescription costs (I didn't even think about that so that's not factored into my calculation).
I worked out that I need to make at least £70k to even be close to the level of disposable income I am now (44k at 56.2% disposable, 70k is 47.2% disposable), without even considering if I want to return to visit family say once a month which would be a £200/£300 dent every time.
It feels insane to me to look at earning nearly an extra £25k on paper to see no benefit to that in my bank balance. And that's only just considering renting, the cost of buying would be considerably more. Plus the holiday allowance is much lower, 25 days a year vs my 42 currently (it's insane, even I feel that's ridiculous).
The salary was never advertised on the role, when we talked about it originally, they were spitballing in the 50k region with other lab managers they've looked at, which is not unreasonable for the position so I've felt cheeky even saying that it needs to be £70k minimum for me. I would have never dreamed in any interview I've had before about asking for more money - such a big amount more (and having them seriously consider it still).
Perhaps I'm worrying for nothing and they may come back 'thanks but no thanks, we don't want to pay that' but that wasn't the impression that I got. Part of me almost wishes it's priced out so I don't have to make a decision.

I don't have much to keep me here in all honesty when you put it down on paper. I'm 33 and divorced, a unique set of skills that make it difficult to find jobs in my field. My family is up here, I'd have to leave my dog, but I have few friends, don't do much other than work, no partner but I still have overwhelming feelings about giving everything up and leaving, especially if I'm not really going to be any better off financially for it. The cost of living in England is so wildy different than in Scotland. I own my flat and buying the equivalent down there is £200,000 more.

In my brain, it just doesn't make sense for me to move my entire life to be less well off down there. My feelings are overwhelmed with the idea of moving, but I am really passionate about the job, I really believe in what they are doing and the potential of it. It uses all my skills and experience and things I enjoy. I know I would be much happier doing it than what I am now. Would enjoying the job more make the sadness out of the move and what would be less disposable income worth it? Not great personality traits but I like being good at what I do, I like to feel wanted and the new job offer is fulfilling that but equally I don't want to commit to the move, hate living down there and want to leave, it's not fair of them either and that has happened with me and another job that wasn't as advertised, I was miserable and returned home.

AIBU? Am I being ridiculous? It's a job offer doing what I want and like, do I need to be better off? But what's the point in working just as hard for less reward when I already have a good pay, own a house, ridiculous holiday allowance, I just don't enjoy what I do (and 4 weeks in to the job I still don't really know what that is)

The options for progression in the company are low other than they'd want to expand their testing lab into their other sites in Ireland and in Europe, so potential to go there maybe but there isn't a next level position or more money. To move out of that job to move back outside London would be having to look in a different field.

No work from home option with this one. I think you're right, I should have asked for more. I didn't appreciate just how big the leap was to just be the same as I am now and seeing as they were talking about 50k in the first instance, 70k already felt a lot to me - that's a lesson learned.

Looking at it that way, it's safer to stay here and comfortable even if it's not exciting me as much as this opportunity.

OP, moving is not always the right thing to do. You have an illness which is being accommodated in your current role, you get loads of holidays, which will make dealing with your illness easier, you own your flat, you live close to family - really, you would be mad to move.

Make the changes you feel you need in your current job, you have only been there 4 weeks, you can develop the role. I don’t think this new job is the one for you. And you are taking a huge pay cut, when you take holidays and CoL into account.

Don't sell your house. Rent it out.
A pay cut might be worth it in terms of the new adventure and opportunity.
Also, just because you move south doesn't mean you have to be there forever. You can go back.
Maybe find someone renting a spare room and see how you feel after 6 months before you get a flat?

The new job sounds like a dream position for you. I think you should try it.

Thank you. I'm on a homecare plan so I get my injections sent to me, not sure how that would work with moving, I'll have to investigate that a bit further. Just something I didn't even think about.

I live in Fife, it's relatively more affordable. It's about 50 minute drive from Edinburgh for context. The rent seems to be much the same in all the areas around Newbury, nothing really less than £1200 pcm. I'm not looking for anything huge but I don't want to be staying in a studio flat or anything.

You are correct, looking at it on paper, I don't gain anything other than enjoying what I do more. It's the same money effectively, with having to rent or buy a 3 times more expensive house than I have now. But the prospect of doing what I like, building an entirely unique lab and what it offers is exciting. I don't think it would progress anywhere in that field, the role and responsibilities are about as high as you can get for it.

I'm pretty sure now I would be less well off but I might be happier and I need to decide what one of those is worth it more to me.

Thank you. It's actually quite refreshing to be told that I'm being an idiot when it's all laid out in front of me in black and white, trying to take the feelings out of it.

Thank you. That is my dilemma really. I've never before seen a job that was pretty much written for me, my skills, experience and passion, it would be the dream job. If it was up here I'd have bitten their hand of for it.

I'm clueless when it comes to renting it out. I had a look and my mortgage company said they wouldn't change it to a buy to let and I have the fear of doing it unofficially but I can reinvestigate.

It sounds like a once in a career opportunity to go in and get things set up in your style. And do what you enjoy.

Newbury isn't the worst place to relocate to but it's not brilliant either.

Only you can decide if cost of living is the deciding factor.

It's consent to let you need, not to change to a BTL.
Maybe a temporary period of 2 years - after which you can make a decision?

If you want to give it a go the question becomes how easy is it to reverse the decision

I think the new job sounds really interesting and obviously more appealing than your current one (i moved to a middle person role and it drove me mad .. l knew it after couple of months got stuck for 2yrs before moving back to a service job)... really wore my mental health down
You are only 33 with no dependants.. take the chance...
Ask for the 70k .... That sounds like a reasonable salary....for that sort of job. If private company will there be bonuses/shares

It may /maynot work out but its the chances you don't take you regret i think...

Look up Lauren Currie .... upfront/female confidence... Very empowering... Don't get stuck in a job u don't like

I live fairly close to that area (the Basingstoke/Newbury one) and while it’s not cheap, it is a nice part of the world and has very good transport links to the rest of the country. I do agree that if you decide to go for it you need a plan to reverse it if things really don’t work out. I work in a not dissimilar field and think you could probably push higher on the salary, although £70k might be too much.

Thank you. I worry that my current job won't get better, I might get busier but not sure I'll get a passion for it. I think I need to be a person who likes what they do and be good at it. If this offer appeared a few months down the line it might have been easier to make.

But you're right, I have nothing really to lose by trying it. I've always been okay, it won't be a major disaster, I should always be able to get another job to survive so I do feel like I'm being a little dramatic.

Thank you for the recommendation, I will definitely look her up.

Thank you. That's reassuring to hear you think it's not wildly unrealistic. This is the first job I've ever actually asked for more money for. I thought the original salary discussion was quite fair for the job so asking for more felt strange but I just couldn't do it for less. But I do also feel I am worth it, I've already done exactly what they are aiming to do, with potential to implement more than they want to do initially.
I was pleasantly surprised by the area, I didn't expect it to be so green. I thought it would be more Londony but it's very countryside.

Update: Haven't heard back with regards to salary yet, was expecting it on Friday but hopefully will hear soon either way.
They did send me details of the rest of their employment package. Compared below with my current position for interest with some numbers added.

CURRENT JOB vs NEW JOB
SALARY: £44,263.00 vs £70,000.00
TAKE HOME (PER MONTH): £2,750.00 vs £3,839.82
EXPENSES TOTAL: £1,205.00 vs £2,076.00
DISPOSABLE: £1,545.00 vs £1,763.82
% DISPOSABLE: 56.2% vs 45.9%
ANNUAL LEAVE: 42 Days vs 25 + 8 Bank Holidays
PENSION: 6.1% + 14.5% vs 5% + 5%
JOB SECURITY: Secure vs Secure
PASSION: Very little vs Very exciting
POTENTIAL: Nowhere to move up internally vs Nowhere to move but potential to set up similar lab in different locations in future.
HOUSE: Own a flat vs Have to rent for at least a good few years

So the disposable isn’t actually that different, and I guess nothing to stop you keeping the flat you own as an investment ?

The fact it’s an exciting job move for you but also the current one is dead end (and you hate it) does rather sway me towards taking it.

cheap living costs are often also indicative of an undesirable area - so sure, its cheaper to live where you are but arguably you’ll have a much more exciting life if you’re in London, more potential to meet other people etc.

having initially said not to take a real time pay cut; a 25k pay rise and more or less similar disposable is a good deal if opens up future doors and your day to day life will be a happier one.

It isn't London, its probably 40 miles away and is semi rural, small and large market towns etc, I really like it but London it isn't. Although the train connections are good. I'm inclining towards you should take it too, on the basis that in your career as with finances, sometimes you have to speculate to accumulate.

I think i would rent your house out maybe for 2 years fixed, if it doesn't work out you can move back and if it does work out, sell it after 2 years. Why does the move have to be basingstoke? There are hundreds of towns and villages within easy reach of London.

If you get a job with 70k salary and negotiate a really good job title then does that give you better prospects in a couple of years? My sil once got herself a job in marketing and because she was literally the only one in this tiny business doing marketing, she negotiated the job title of "director of marketing" or something. Originally it was going to be marketing manager. That helped her to get the next job and the next job because having director in her CV looked great, and she missed out a couple of rungs on the ladder.

Have you had a look at where your developed and new skills might take you? Lab design, policy writing etc? What would be your next steps in five years, say?

I accepted the job

After a bit of a delay with planning permissions on their end, we finally reached a point to proceed and I accepted the job, albeit with a slightly different arrangement where I'll work on site for a week and they'll cover travelling and living expenses for the week I'm down south and I'll work from home the other week. It gives me the security of keeping my house in the interim, still getting a good salary and them covering my expenses too. While other things like leave and pension weren't as good, ultimately I decided I needed to do something that I was passionate about compared to my current role which unfortunately hasn't improved in the last two months.

Thank you all for your input.

Thanks for coming back to update, that all sounds like a good compromise, I hope it works well for you. Are you excited?

That sounds a brilliant compromise. You can get to know the place and make decisions at your own pace.
Best of luck with everything.