How to earn a decent living AND bring up children - can we have it all? How??

[jivegirl]

Hello!

I'm new to Mumsnet! Everyone looks so supportive and friendly and I'm really hoping you'll extend your friendship and advice to me. I've been feeling totally isolated and alone with my dilemma and it would mean the world to me to get some replies. I need you!

Basically I'm 32, DD is 20 months and I'm 29 wks pg. My DP is lovely but go-getting and career-oriented he ain't (think more Eastenders 4 nights a week and the occasional Saturday night at the pub playing pool!) In my full time job I earned £29k (which I've always thought was pretty good. I now work 3 days a week) My DP earns £18k. He comes from a reasonably wealthy family; my dad went bankrupt and I was brought up on benefits. His family help us out quite a bit, but whereas he's not bothered about this, I am. Very bothered!

So my salary is OK, but I absolutely loathe my job. I hated it before I went on mat leave and I'm counting down the days till I go off again. I can't face the prospect of going back (it's a council/nhs office-based job) and with childcare costs it's not going to be worth it anyway.

I'm now racking my brains to come up with another way to make money to support us and it's driving me crazy.

My dream is to be self-employed, but I'm driving myself mad trying to think of something profitable and vaguely enjoyable. I don't want to be a millionaire - but I keep telling myself that there's got to be more to life than sticking with a job that makes me cry just for the privilege of taking home £100 a month after childcare. There's got to be another way!!

I don't know what I'm asking really - I think I just really need to hear thoughts from others feeling the same frustration and from those who have been where I am now and have come out the other side. How did you decide what to do? Are you happy with the choices you made?

Sorry for the rant ladies! Anyone want to give me a slap - please feel free...

Claire xx

no great advice i am afraid, often ponder this myself! But a friend of mine started doing Mary Kay cosmetics (sure you can google them) and found she could earn significantly more working hours that suited her around her son mostly in the evenings(so PT) than she did FT as an HR manager. Don't think she every thought of herself selling beauty products but is v happy with the life it gives her! She is always trying to get me to do it but i would hate selling stuff and am a student too so no time! Hope you can find a plan..

Hi Claire, bet you're counting the days eh?

What is it about your job that you dislike? I mean would you want to be a PA working from home, for instance? Or do you want to do something completely different?

Its normal After they eventually leave home and get married I will get a job that pays lots and it will all be MINE MINE MINE Until then, I am resigned to just getting on with it!

Self employment is okay - but you really do have to be shit hot at something to earn lots! Nappies, books and cards simply just don't bring in the dosh - more extra spending money that a regular income.

Maybe look for a job you like instead

If earning a lot of money is a priority, then retrain in a higher paying job (eg financial services, sales). I think Sunday Times publishes a survey or google highly paid careers. Be prepared to spend at least a couple of years retraining.

Be frank about what you want from your career - get a copy of What Colour is Your Parachute and do the exercises to get a clearer picture.

If you're taking home £100 a month after childcare etc, then that makes your ability to leave a job you hate a bit easier: you only need to make £101 a month to make leave worthwhile for your happiness and your financial situation. Could you do some freelance?

you need to find a career that pays more, and that prob means retraining?

I earn a lot less than you and take home £500 a month for 3 days. That's with nursery, no tax credits, but salary sacrifice voucher scheme. You must really have top-end childcare.

Hi, thanks for all your replies,

Sorry I didn't explain properly about the childcare. I meant paying for 2 in childcare and working 2 days a week would mean taking home about £100 a month - that's taking into account cost of diesel to commute. At the moment I only have 1 in childcare and work 3 days, but I've found 3 days the wrong balance for me. Nursery costs £34 per day with 10% reduction for 2nd child.

Nursery vouchers stopped in January because you can't claim them after so far into your pregnancy or they affect your maternity pay.

I wouldn't mind if I enjoyed my job but it's completely wrong for me. If I retrained I would still want to work part time and I know it's unlikely that I'd get anywhere near my current salary if I changed fields.

That's why I think the only way forward is starting a business - I just feel I should be planning now but I'm struggling to decide what to do so was hoping to chat to like minded people. I'm not greedy and don't want to be a millionaire, I just want to be self-sufficient and provide a good life for my family, and I think I should be able to find something to do to achieve this whilst balancing my family and enjoying the work too. At the moment it feels like that's asking too much.

Claire

I'm afraid there aren't really any easy answers, the whole thing is generally a massive comprimise, and you just have to muddle through as best you can growling under your breath at those with mega rich husbands / obliging grannies round the corner and tell yourself that nursery fees don't last forever. And list the benefits your children get from nursery instead of seeing it as dead money.

Compromise, doh.

I agree with talkingmongoose. \nursery fees don't last forever!! I was lucky enough to be offered a similar job to my full time job for 3 days aweek with salary pro-rated. It ment, and still does, that I do a job I don't particularly enjoy but would be unable to find another one for the same hours at the same pay with the same benefits...

My 2 are now at school - that is 5 mins from where I work - so I now would never find at job that was that convenient and means I can pop out to assembeys, plays etc..

I would love to be self employed and think it woud be the answer to school holiday dilemas BUT have never been able to find an opportunity that gives me what I have now IYSWIM

I agree that it's about compromise when they're little. I was working 3 days a week after first dd, but when I had 2nd I couldnt afford to go back and pay 2 lots of childcare. So I got into party-plan business. Have been doing it almost 2 years now and bring in on average £500 + per month. I went into it fairly seriously as I knew I needed more than pin money, and have a team of 16 now. It's worth considering - great training, minimal investment and you can fit it in around kids etc. And best bit is you're self employed so you decide when you want to work.

Hi there, have you thought about a transfer within the council to work in another deparment on your return?
Maybe if you just say you need something less stressful they might acommodate?
Then, have you thought of working 4 days and your dp giving up work to look after the kids?
Just an idea.
P

There seem to be two things here - you hate your job, and and the whole childcare/working mum/staying at home issue.
If you really hate your job, think about training for another one. For the time being though, if your earning capacity is so much m,ore than your husband's, and he doesn't have much drive, can't he stay at home as a SAHD for a while, to give you a chance to focus on your career and get to where you want to go?

Thanks for all your replies,

Smalldog, what is the party-plan business? (I thought event organising sounded like fun - my hobby is dancing and we (used to) go to loads of events for that, would love to organise them!

Paow, thanks for your suggestion - I have already discussed this with my line manager, and they have agreed to this, I think the only area within the public sector I would like to work is PR/comms (I will probably have to go back for 3 months or I will have to repay my maternity leave) but I'm not really sure it's what I want!

Oranges, DP staying at home is an option, but I think I'd have to really be 100% sure about what I wanted before I asked him to do that.

Maybe I need to fork out and see a careers advisor.. they're just so expensive!

Anyway, in a couple of months I'll have #2 to worry about so hopefully that'll settle me down a bit!

Thanks everyone

xx

Hi jivegirl. I do Body Shop at Home parties, so the party plan bit is planning your own parties IYSWIM. If it's event organising you're after, I'm sure there must be organisations you could freelance for, but I'll leave that one to other MNetters? Careers advisors are expensive - there are some good books out there if you have time to wander through Waterstones / Borders? I used one which was something about a parachute (sorry, really can't remember the name). I also went to see someone for 1 session of coaching - it wasn't too expensive and she asked me some really good questions about my generic skills (ie not just the ones I used in my job) and what I really imagined myself doing.

If your current employer offers you a 3 month trial in a different role, even if just to pay back your mat leave, it's probably worth taking - at least you can say you tried it?