Am I becoming a workoholic?

[TigerLily40]

It has been brought up to me that I focus too much on work outside work and I have done the following -

• Focused on work rather than family and friends
• Done work related tasks when out socialising and constantly thinking about work
• Get frustrated when others don't do work tasks, meetings on their days off and think of them as having no work ethic
• Take over tasks at work or I see them as not getting done properly if left to others
• work stress affects my sleep and eating habits.

I just think about work constantly and have a colleague that calls me all the time about work. I feel I neglect my family for work. I just wish I could get this colleague to stop calling. My husband even said I spend a lot of home time with my colleagues on the phone rather than spend it with family.

I was once on the verge of alcoholism a few years ago and have stopped drinking. I wonder if I have exchanged alcohol for work? I rely on work for validation too much and for my confidence boosts or knocks.

I just always wanted a career and feel very protective over it. It is very much part of my identity and again, if I get criticized in any way when doing it, it knocks me for six as it is who I am. I just feel a failure at home because i can't shut off.

What can I do? I neglect my daughter for a job that would replace me if I died tomorrow.

I think the answer is “it depends”.

I am a lawyer at Director level so with that comes a lot of responsibility and a lot of work. In my industry what you describe is entirely normal. It’s pretty difficult to switch off and frankly, any lawyer who worked a solid 9-5 with a refusal to work outside those hours would lose their job very quickly (in the private sector city firms at least). But this is also an industry that still often sees women with children as inferior. And a male colleague of mine was advised not to apply for shared parental leave as it would affect his chances at promotion. So none of that is okay either!

I do think though that at a certain salary level you have to expect to work long hours. If you don’t want that, more junior jobs are available with a better work life balance!