How to handle employee's attitude?

[BOPPIES]

I'm a fairly new manager, I was promoted although we were never in the same role, theirs works alongside where mine was just one rank lower (relevant only to state we didn't start out in the same role). We never really spoke much due to their coldness though. We've been with our employer the same amount of time.

This person has always had an attitude towards me but it's got worse since I've managed them. They've coasted at times and I've had multiple people bring it up to me, they don't always do what I ask unless asked several times with it in writing, I've had to bring up performance issues on several occasions, they've then tried to ice me out of the team by acting like it's all been without warrant (eg. now she's a manager, she's a real bitch kind of thing) and it's worked with a few colleagues. Although I've stopped caring about this part.

Today I've reached my limit, perhaps due to a horrible few weeks with work. We had a 1-1 and I was asking about whether I could help them with anything, how were they doing with everything since we've had changes this year, etc. Their whole attitude was condescending and just so blunt and short. Rushing me through the discussion by saying they've been here, done that and don't need me to do anything apart from leave them alone, essentially. The equivalent of tinkly laugh when I asked if they had any comments on if/how I can be more effective communicating with them.

I'm struggling to think of how to bring this up other than in our next 1-1 saying that I've noticed an attitude and just want to get anything out in the open and clear anything up so we can get it out of the way as I don't want it to continue. However, part of me thinks they will have satisfaction in the fact I've noticed it. So far, I've just been nice at all times and pretended I haven't noticed.

Any suggestions?

I wouldn’t bring that up in a 1-1, I’d want a witness. If they aren’t carry out tasks as requested, bring them up on that.

Are they performing well?

So they meet deadlines?

If not put them on a performance plan with targets to meet. (Bring this up with your line manager first...ask their advice and company procedure

I agree, no more 1-1's, particularly if there is any kind of unresolved performance issue, or attitude problem, which there clearly is in this case!

I think you need to make the tone of the 1:1 more formal. So for example “I noticed that you did not reply to my work request emails regarding x and y. In future I would always like you to acknowledge my emails.

I wouldn’t mention attitude. I would raise the individual situations where the employer has appeared to coast or not address direct task requests . Make sure all your task requests state a deadline and a “please let me know by hh dd mm yy if you consider this is not deliverable so we can discuss.”

If the employee knows what they are doing then sometimes they might appear to coast but actually are just highly efficient? Just something to consider. Not everyone needs to work flat out 100% effort the whole time; being a little less energetic is sometimes important to prevent burn out.

I would also look for ways you can help to leverage this person’s expertise so she feels she is properly valued by you ie get her on your side! - eg is there a process or relationship that needs improvement she might be able to work on; is there an opportunity for her to share best practice with the team or wider across the organisation; is there a junior she could help train.

Hi, OP -

PPs raise an interesting point, which you’ve not addressed: how good is this person at their job? If they sometimes coast because they are underutilised and underappreciated, perhaps because of some type of unconscious bias, you have a real chance to turn the situation around to everyone’s benefit. If they are a chronic underperformer that is a different thing entirely.

Attitude is not your lookout. In the first situation, finally being seen and valued is likely to turn it around. There isn’t much you can do about a chronic underperformer except give them clear short term and long term goals and manage them closely. Of course there are degrees of underperforming.

You can insist on clear and respectful communication, but, gently, that needs to be a two way street

I agree that any delicate conversations should involve a third party. If nothing else, a good, experienced manager can keep the temperature in the room down

I wouldn't tackle the condescending attitude as your perception is going to be hard to prove...but instead tackle the underperformance as you can give concrete examples. If it's your first time, have a meeting with HR present and explain you're putting them on a work improvement plan. It demonstrates you mean business and that you're expecting to see an improvement in output.

Even though the person is treating you poorly, don't rise to it and treat them fairly. Write everything down, keep all emails related to this. My rule of thumb is 'never say or do anything that you wouldn't like to have as evidence at a tribunal'.

If you follow the process and act fairly and legally, things will either improve and the problem is solved or you'll have fair grounds for taking further action,

Put them on a disciplinary for insubordination and get them fired.

The fact this person has coasted and needs written reminders is evidence enough of their incompetence and failure to adhere to reasonable management requests.

Manage the fucker out - cunts like this only drag you down. Show them who's boss and get them fired, pronto.

I have managed people like this and it’s very hard. Agree. You can’t take the angle of attitude, only on delivery / quality.

Make requests for work clear (ie what to deliver) and with a timeline. I’d say, based on bitter experience, that handwringing and ‘how can I help you’ get nowhere.

Speak to this persons previous manager to gauge their view, and get any tips about how to get the best out of them. It could just be that this previous manager says ‘yeah, they are moany, lazy and ineffective’ so at least you know it’s not just you!

You need to ask your manager how to proceed.
Because it all sounds very personal. You've never liked this person due to their attitude towards you. It's fine not to like someone because of that, but that feeling (the very first you mention) has to go out of the window when you manage someone.

As others have said, personal feelings aside, are they doing their job?

You said they are coasting- that needs clarification.

You said you offered help and their response was condescending - did they say "no thanks I'm fine, I don't need any help" or "help? from you? You have to be joking?" Or something in-between.

You asked them how you could help you and they laughed.

There's clearly unpleasantness between you and it's clearly not a functioning professional relationship. It's unclear though whether that's because they are not doing their job properly and don't like being told, or if you're not being a good manager.

Get advice on how to deal from your manager, and for god's sake don't even think of doing what @HelplessSoul has suggested. You very probably don't have the authority to put anyone on a disciplinary and there are obviously set protocols to be followed in any organisation before that happens. If you follow that advice, only one person will be dismissed for gross misconduct and it won't be the person you manage.

You are being to polite and not acting as their manager. You need to state factually what you expect and if they don't meet it they go on a performance plan. Also the attitude has to change and this will also be part of the objectives. You are acting as if you're trying to be their friend, asking them how you can help e.t.c. don't do that. Be the manager.

"Get advice on how to deal from your manager, and for god's sake don't even think of doing what @HelplessSoul has suggested. You very probably don't have the authority to put anyone on a disciplinary and there are obviously set protocols to be followed in any organisation before that happens."

@ASighMadeOfStone

A manager running off to their manager for advice is the last option.

In any organisation, even an entry level manager has the authority to proceed with a disciplinary - the clue is in their job title - manager.

Thats the protocol that is essentially followed. The OP has very clearly highlighted the staff members intransigence and piss poor performance with written reminders.

Your "woke" approach solves nothing. 🙄🤦‍♂️

I would def speak to my manager about this, to get their advice and support. Speaking to their previous manager is also a good idea. Is it a case of them being unhappy that you’ve been promoted above them when they “know the job just as well or better than you”? I inferred this from them laughing at you when you offered help. If I was managing someone very experienced who had perhaps stagnated in their role I would be playing up to their ego a bit - frequently acknowledging their strengths and expertise. Finding stretch tasks for them. Also make sure you are giving them projects rather than tasks that you are then micromanaging.

No they don't.

I am a manager (of junior managers) and cannot put any member of my team on any kind of disciplinary report without it having gone up the line first. And neither can they.

Newsflash: different organizations have different organization.

And there's nothing "woke" about that.

Your aggression and purporting to know the ins and outs of the OP's situation is weird.

Well @ASighMadeOfStone , your managerial role is clearly short changed then.

Nothing aggressive about what I said - I explicitly based my responses on the facts presented by the OP - that the staff member that they monitor "coasts" and has to be reminded via email to do their work.

That is insubordination and incompetence - ample grounds for a work related disciplinary.

You ought to look up those definitions some time. 👍

It may well be grounds for a disciplinary. Nobody is saying it isn't.

It may even be within the OP's remit as a manager to put a disciplinary procedure in place. She'll be aware of how her organization works regarding that.

Incompetence is easier to prove than insubordination I'd venture. One is an objective and easy to measure benchmark. The other, being mainly subjective, less so. Nothing she has said even hints at insubordination.

She needs to speak to her line manager.

Being a manager doesn't mean revelling in telling people what to do or telling them off.

Manage the fucker out - cunts like this only drag you down. Show them who's boss and get them fired, pronto.

You may want to look up the word "aggressive"

Do you have some sort of competition with yourself on how many times you refer to people as "fucking cunts"? Only you've got quite the reputation for it. Nobody thinks you're funny though. Just crass.

@HelplessSoul must be OP’s colleague!!

"they don't always do what I ask unless asked several times with it in writing"

This @ASighMadeOfStone is insubordination - not doing as they have been asked.

A manager that has to ask their direct report staff to do something several times is ample evidence.

A quick Google search often brings up insubordination as:

"An employer makes a lawful and reasonable request of an individual employee or employees as a whole. The employee receives the order. The employee refuses to accept, follow, or carry out the order."

At their next 1:1 ensure you’ve prepared a list of tasks you have asked them to complete and whether or not they have. If performance is an issue you need to start evidencing it and ensuring they are aware you are monitoring them.

Agree with the comment regarding it being a reasonable management request and would suggest you remind them of this.

Should their behaviour become condescending etc during the conversation you need to be assertive and call it out, not in an aggressive way, but advise them their behaviour is falling short of your expectation and you would like to clarify what the issue is. Record their response in the 1:1.

Managing isn’t easy, there may be genuine underlying issues for their behaviour, in which case you need to demonstrate you have provided reasonable support and adjustments.

If no further improvement then initiate a PIP and go down the conduct route.

Make sure everything is documented and that you provide them with a copy. You may want someone to proof read first, keep it professional and evidence based.

You've never liked this person due to their attitude towards you.

Not true, I've never had anything against them. If I get a hint of someone not liking me, I won't show that it impacts me and just treat them the same as others. Surely we should all do this in a professional environment? I don't think someone can dispute how I'm treating them if I navigate things that way.

Regardless, they have always had an issue with me which has been confirmed. At the time of posting I think it had just come to a head, I couldn't even offer any friendliness as they'd completely shut me down on every occasion.

It escalated hugely and very quickly, which is why I've been quiet on this thread.

I'm going to brush up on some of my management skills because although I'm hoping that I won't need to be concerned about this situation in future, overall, I'm going to need to handle things a lot more carefully. The advice here has been wonderful and I'll be taking it all on board.

Do you do a follow up on wording after 1-1s? If so, make sure you write “x was asked if she needed any support to carry out duties, she said that she did not. Asked x if there were any communication problems, she laughed in response.” If there are performance issues also, note these. Carry on 1-1s, noting performance issues, your attempts to assist and her rejections of these. Take her down the competency route when there is sufficient evidence.

To add, keep your own conduct totally professional. Try and do professional written summaries of contact and meetings where appropriate (e.g. follow up email saying “thanks for taking the time to meet with me earlier, to confirm the following things need actioning by x date - if you need any support please let me know” etc. she will try and sling mud if it comes to any disciplinary proceedings so give her as little ammo as possible