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Original poster

Work-aholic colleagues......

63 replies

Ilivetosleep · 24/04/2024 08:59

Hey,

Would this annoy you? I started a job about 2 years ago. It's in a school. My work contract is term time only. I'm not a teacher.

I have the same job as another person who has been in the organisation for over 20 years. She has been in lots of different roles over the years but the same as me for the past 5 years. She's a really nice and supportive person. But I feel like her commit to the job is causing me issues.

I have 4 kids and share custody of my niece with her father. Two of my kids train at a high level of sports and they need taking too and from training, matches etc each week. I also see my family regularly and friends. However my colleague sadly lost her parents a few years ago. She has no siblings and no cousins etc. She is fully committed to the job. She works over weekends. Comes in and covers shifts at the weekend for free for staff that go sick. She also works throughout the school holidays. Her choice. She's not contracted to do this. She gets involved in loads of stuff going on in the school which is not in our job role.

When someone approaches me to talk about something that is not relevant to my role. I'm polite and state that this is something that maybe the deputy head maybe able to support with. And they say, it's OK, I'll just ask XX to help me. Also if I'm not avaliable out of hours they go straight to her and she just deals with it and leaves me out of the loop. I'm starting to feel a bit redundant. She dies not need to do this. As there are educational safeguarding teams which work out of hours in each Local Authority with supports around them.

I can't leave as my youngest two are attending the school on bursaries so I have to stay for the next 7/8 years.

Just for context I am highly skilled and experienced in the sector I have been employed to work in. But I also believe in professional boundaries and my own well being.

What would you do????

OP posts:
Ellie1015 · 28/04/2024 09:10

You are doing your job well but understandably no extra.

She is doing job well then some extra as she has capacity and wants to.

Don't feel guilty or pressured to do what she does and equally dont pressure collegue to pull back. Management will let either of you know if you arent doing enough or if she is overstepping.

WildPeach · 28/04/2024 10:03

In all honesty this comes across as that you are annoyed people go to her rather than you. It doesn’t sound like you’re her line manager, if she is crossing professional boundaries then her line manager should be the one to say something. You have a busy life outside it work, she doesn’t and perhaps working more is the way she copes with life.

FlamingoQueen · 28/04/2024 10:11

Is she a bit of a martyr? If so, then it won’t matter what you do, you will never match up to her. My advice - don’t bother trying. However, there is nothing worse than someone who won’t help you with something because it’s not ‘their job’. There has to be a bit of flexibility, particularly in a school environment where everyone is busy and short of time. I don’t think it is necessary to work at home on a weekend all the time and if you are in safeguarding and she is not the DSL, then why is she working on it at home?

Thursdaygirl · 28/04/2024 10:15

She could be desperately bored and lonely, and uses her job to keep busy?

Shayisgreat · 28/04/2024 10:27

Is it ever appropriate for a school worker to be dealing with suicidal children at the weekend? It does sound like there are some blurred boundaries.

If her interventions are escalating things out of hours and you are concerned about that, it is time to raise with your line manager to check what (If anything) you need to do. If you are not her line manager, you can't really raise things with her.

Skillest · 28/04/2024 10:35

Is it ever appropriate for a school worker to be dealing with suicidal children at the weekend?

I've done exactly that before. Not directly with the child, but I called their parents and 999 on a Sunday morning. I'm a Safeguarding Lead. I would hazard a guess that a school counsellor would also feel compelled to respond if they were aware, for similar child protection reasons.

LordSnot · 28/04/2024 11:15

I have spoken to her on numerous occasions about burn out and using the external networks around a family to manage risk

That sounds really patronising. You're not her manager and need to stop overstepping.

godmum56 · 28/04/2024 12:01

Ilivetosleep · 25/04/2024 18:02

Bit rude. At no point did I say I thought I do the job better than her. She is very good at what she does. But I've got 27 years in front line Social work and have seen how burn out can affect people who don't have that level of reflective practice.

I just wanted to explain that this is not a role I'm new too. I was head hunted for this position.

I have spoken to her on numerous occasions about burn out and using the external networks around a family to manage risk.instead she will spend hours on a Sunday ringing families and visiting them if a child is suicidal for example. It blurs the professional boundaries.

Show quote history

I have managed people like this and its all hunkydory till the shit hits the fan, in the case I was thinking of because someone was out "working" when no one knew she was so no back up or personal safety support in place. Honestly if you are not her line manager I'd leave her to it and be glad you aren't her line manager! Its my experience that people like this are not intersted in hearing about burnout or personal mental health because it would never happen to them.

Nigglenaggle · 28/04/2024 12:09

Don't underestimate how much she needs this. This is where she finds fulfilment and purpose. You find yours elsewhere. You need to let go of her behaviour having any effect on yours. I'm like you, if someone would pay me the same to stay home with my family I would do that. I'm not into doing more than I need to. Other people throw themselves into extra hours. That's all about them and their needs, and absolutely nothing to do with you. Gently remind yourself that it's egotistical to think her job is your problem. Let her do her and you do you.

Shayisgreat · 28/04/2024 12:11

Skillest · 28/04/2024 10:35

Is it ever appropriate for a school worker to be dealing with suicidal children at the weekend?

I've done exactly that before. Not directly with the child, but I called their parents and 999 on a Sunday morning. I'm a Safeguarding Lead. I would hazard a guess that a school counsellor would also feel compelled to respond if they were aware, for similar child protection reasons.

But going out to the family home to personally deal with it and calling parents and 999 are different things. One is appropriate, the other is over reaching. If the situation needed emergency services, the school worker was not the person to deal with it. If it didn't need emergency services, it could wait until Monday.

I'm a social worker and if I became aware that immediate harm was happening, I would make the relevant people aware so thar it would be addressed. However, I would not be dropping into a family home or dealing with it myself - that is not appropriate. I would be completely unprotected professionally if anything bad happened.

There are emergency services and school dsls are not them!

Nigglenaggle · 28/04/2024 12:14

For those saying she's a martyr, show a bit of respect and compassion. This is how she copes with life. For some people taking away their work is a mental health catastrophe. This may be all that stands between her and the end. I used to know someone similar. We're all different and we can all make room for each other.

Behappyplease · 28/04/2024 13:32

Ilivetosleep · 25/04/2024 18:02

Bit rude. At no point did I say I thought I do the job better than her. She is very good at what she does. But I've got 27 years in front line Social work and have seen how burn out can affect people who don't have that level of reflective practice.

I just wanted to explain that this is not a role I'm new too. I was head hunted for this position.

I have spoken to her on numerous occasions about burn out and using the external networks around a family to manage risk.instead she will spend hours on a Sunday ringing families and visiting them if a child is suicidal for example. It blurs the professional boundaries.

Show quote history

@Lampslights was not being rude, just had a different outlook on the situation but you appear to think your opinion and experience is the only one which matters. You are not her manager so I think you will need to mind your business and leave her alone.

godmum56 · 28/04/2024 15:20

Shayisgreat · 28/04/2024 12:11

But going out to the family home to personally deal with it and calling parents and 999 are different things. One is appropriate, the other is over reaching. If the situation needed emergency services, the school worker was not the person to deal with it. If it didn't need emergency services, it could wait until Monday.

I'm a social worker and if I became aware that immediate harm was happening, I would make the relevant people aware so thar it would be addressed. However, I would not be dropping into a family home or dealing with it myself - that is not appropriate. I would be completely unprotected professionally if anything bad happened.

There are emergency services and school dsls are not them!

Show quote history

this. In the case of the person I managed, they were not only unprotected professionally but personally too.

Original poster
Ilivetosleep · 28/04/2024 15:37

Wow. Thanks for all the comments. Just to answer a few queries.

No I do not line Manger her. She actually line manages me. Which is fine. I have reflective discussions with her about work life balance. She often comes to me and asks me what to do about situations.

It's up to her. I just get on with my job. Thanks for your advise.

I'm too old in the tooth to get my knickers kn a twist. But is been good to get your perspectives.

OP posts:
SilverGlitterBaubles · 28/04/2024 15:47

Shayisgreat · 28/04/2024 10:27

Is it ever appropriate for a school worker to be dealing with suicidal children at the weekend? It does sound like there are some blurred boundaries.

If her interventions are escalating things out of hours and you are concerned about that, it is time to raise with your line manager to check what (If anything) you need to do. If you are not her line manager, you can't really raise things with her.

I'm guessing these situations are not confined to school hours so if you are aware of a situation it would be very difficult not to act.

ParadoxicalHippy · 28/04/2024 15:57

Two ways to look at this.

Pragmatic. Your colleague has little home life to keep her occupied so her job is her life. She’s been there a long time and her willingness to go above and beyond is so ingrained into the dynamics of the establishment that your colleagues will and do go to her if it makes the task they’re dealing with easier. If she’s ever-present and you’re not (that’s not a criticism, just emphasising that she’s there outside of contacted hours), and she’ll take on other people’s problems in contrast to your sign posting them to the appropriate person/team, then inevitably the situation will shine an aura on her not you.

Professional. Your colleague is operating outside of her remit. Asides personal concern about the risk of her burning herself out, who is allowing the blurring of professional and personal boundaries? Are management saving resources and/or being lackadaisical because they know she’ll work weekends and holidays for free? Are DfE policies and guidelines being adhered to? I get the impression she’s popular, relatable, proven herself reliable and has the trust of a wide audience, but is she even qualified to be dealing with the situations she’s volunteering herself in? You mention things get escalated and she causes panic after she gets involved, are there safeguarding concerns that someone’s ignoring because it’s easier to let her get on with it?

I’d focus on the ramifications from a professional point of view if I was you, and address what needs to be addressed with the appropriate person/team. Even if you have to whistleblow.

SmudgeButt · 28/04/2024 16:06

I've got a colleague who works ridiculous hours, many more than she's contracted to. I jokingly said to her that she should go home and relax and her face looked quite pained and she said "no that's not going to happen." Obviously she can't be by herself. She has friends and family who she enjoys being with when she can (family isn't local) but being home by herself obviously isn't good for her. If your colleague is similar and can't be at home and needs to be busy there's worse things she could be doing than being at work and helping others.

Lotty101 · 28/04/2024 18:19

Ilivetosleep · 25/04/2024 18:02

Bit rude. At no point did I say I thought I do the job better than her. She is very good at what she does. But I've got 27 years in front line Social work and have seen how burn out can affect people who don't have that level of reflective practice.

I just wanted to explain that this is not a role I'm new too. I was head hunted for this position.

I have spoken to her on numerous occasions about burn out and using the external networks around a family to manage risk.instead she will spend hours on a Sunday ringing families and visiting them if a child is suicidal for example. It blurs the professional boundaries.

Show quote history

hey, the out of hours contact and visits would alarm me from a professional point of view. There is a reason for professional boundaries and doing this is putting both herself and potentially others at risk - but she is opening herself up to accusations. Who has authorised her to have this out of hours contact? How well is is documented? What are the schools systems in place for safeguarding and is this not a breach of them? I would have some concerns - if you’re not her line manager then you need to raise it with her line manager. I’d also do it via email or something so if anything does happen they can’t claim a conversation didn’t happen etc. it’s good that she obviously cares very much, but when you’re caring with no professional boundaries you’re an accident waiting to happen. The extra effort etc. she puts in and wanting to help out is not an issue and not your concern, but if she’s working directly with at risk children outside of working hours when this is not something she should be doing then there’s some red flags there.

Original poster
Ilivetosleep · 28/04/2024 18:39

Don't worry I've raised it numerous times. But it can be hard at times.

There is a new manager above her and she is trying to sort it out.

It's going to take a cultural change though as I'm sure I'll come into work tomorrow & find 20/30 email from her. TBH I find it hard work. If you follow procedures then you have a structure to back you up.

OP posts:
theduchessofspork · 28/04/2024 18:45

If she is actioning things that should fall to you, then tell her to leave it or loop you in, as you prefer.

If she doesn’t, have a chat to your line manager till she does.

Beyond that it’s none of your business so let her get on with it. You wouldn’t want her life would you?

godmum56 · 28/04/2024 18:52

Lotty101 · 28/04/2024 18:19

hey, the out of hours contact and visits would alarm me from a professional point of view. There is a reason for professional boundaries and doing this is putting both herself and potentially others at risk - but she is opening herself up to accusations. Who has authorised her to have this out of hours contact? How well is is documented? What are the schools systems in place for safeguarding and is this not a breach of them? I would have some concerns - if you’re not her line manager then you need to raise it with her line manager. I’d also do it via email or something so if anything does happen they can’t claim a conversation didn’t happen etc. it’s good that she obviously cares very much, but when you’re caring with no professional boundaries you’re an accident waiting to happen. The extra effort etc. she puts in and wanting to help out is not an issue and not your concern, but if she’s working directly with at risk children outside of working hours when this is not something she should be doing then there’s some red flags there.

Show quote history

This. All of this.

Onabench · 28/04/2024 18:56

I wouldn't do anything. I know people like that and don't envy their lives. Let her crack on.

If you are really struggling with job satisfaction then look elsewhere but just silently roll your eyes and let her busy herself OP.

1HappyTraveller · 28/04/2024 19:12

Ilivetosleep · 24/04/2024 08:59

Hey,

Would this annoy you? I started a job about 2 years ago. It's in a school. My work contract is term time only. I'm not a teacher.

I have the same job as another person who has been in the organisation for over 20 years. She has been in lots of different roles over the years but the same as me for the past 5 years. She's a really nice and supportive person. But I feel like her commit to the job is causing me issues.

I have 4 kids and share custody of my niece with her father. Two of my kids train at a high level of sports and they need taking too and from training, matches etc each week. I also see my family regularly and friends. However my colleague sadly lost her parents a few years ago. She has no siblings and no cousins etc. She is fully committed to the job. She works over weekends. Comes in and covers shifts at the weekend for free for staff that go sick. She also works throughout the school holidays. Her choice. She's not contracted to do this. She gets involved in loads of stuff going on in the school which is not in our job role.

When someone approaches me to talk about something that is not relevant to my role. I'm polite and state that this is something that maybe the deputy head maybe able to support with. And they say, it's OK, I'll just ask XX to help me. Also if I'm not avaliable out of hours they go straight to her and she just deals with it and leaves me out of the loop. I'm starting to feel a bit redundant. She dies not need to do this. As there are educational safeguarding teams which work out of hours in each Local Authority with supports around them.

I can't leave as my youngest two are attending the school on bursaries so I have to stay for the next 7/8 years.

Just for context I am highly skilled and experienced in the sector I have been employed to work in. But I also believe in professional boundaries and my own well being.

What would you do????

‘would this annoy you?’ - possibly.

’what would you do about it?’ - absolutely nothing. Her time. She can do with it as she wishes.

Moonlightday89 · 28/04/2024 23:19

sounds like she’s got nothing else in her life - work IS her whole life, be thankful you have more going on you don’t need or want to be like this. Let her get on with it and if someone says il ask so and so just smile and say great! Let her carry all the burden's and extra responsibility if she’s willing to take it on. Do your job and go home and enjoy your life outside of work.

. She’s bound to drop the ball at some point and if she does it’s not your problem to discuss or deal with.

Mimimimi1234 · 29/04/2024 06:58

You have to ignore the situation. You cant complain to anyone at the school that you feel your colleague is doing her job better than you. So look at what you can do about it, your options are ignore it, embrace it, learn from her, be annoyed every day or leave. Your going to have to choose one of them. I had this with my mat leave cover at work, he was recently divorced and living in a rented room so he spent more time at work than at home and I came back having recently had a baby and was takijg time off etc. Needless to say they gave him a perm job in the end at a higher level than me, he was working twice the hours and smoozing the leadership team after work with drinks and dinners where I was out the door on the dot due to childcare. Theres not much you can do except ride it out and accept that you cant do what she does as you have other commitments. But I would encourage you to analyse what you can do that she cant or where you are stronger and see where you can add value and support so that you feel better abput the situation