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To stay or go?

24 replies

Wfhdilemma · 22/04/2024 18:32

I’ve been offered a new job and I’m so horribly conflicted about it that I’m tying myself in knots and boring my friends and family about it, so I’d appreciate any thoughts anyone might have….!

so briefly, been at my job for seven years now. I’ve worked from home since Covid and a couple of years ago, head office changed my contract to be an official wfh one. I’m the only one in my team who wfh because the others don’t like it, my performance has been markedly better working from home than when I worked in the office.

a couple of months ago, my boss (who I didn’t think knew of the change of contract as it had happened when they were on paternity leave) asked me to try to be in the office more, leading up to full time eventually. I agreed to do two days a week, but to be frank, I really don’t enjoy it. I’ve tried, but the atmosphere and culture is very blokey and although nobody is awful to me, nobody really TALKS about anything I can get involved with. I’m the only woman there and I feel quite isolated. I’d decided that if they wanted to force me into working from the office full time, I’d look for another job as I really enjoy the work/life balance I have now - but things hadn’t reached this point yet.

I was approached by another company in the same industry a couple of weeks ago and they’ve offered me a job. They are matching my current salary for three months and then increasing it by 2k once I’ve passed probation, although the bonus scheme is a lot worse, meaning even once the salary increases, I’ll be about £1200 a year worse off. They work from the office two days a week, but from home the rest of the time. The annual leave is better but only because you can buy/sell up to five days (if not for this, it would be one day less than I get now).

I did say I’d accept the role and they said they’d get HR to send me a formal offer by Friday last week. I’ve not had this yet, but I have had a message from the person who’d be my new boss today, saying they’ve heard I’ve formally accepted the role. I’ve told them I’ve not had a formal offer yet, and got a thumbs up emoji….

i had a meeting with my boss last week where I told him I was unhappy, and he said he’d found out about the contract and that they couldn’t enforce a return to the office, and if I was that unhappy with it, he would support me. I also raised a couple of other things I was unhappy about which he promised to look into changing, though these aren’t easy fixes and boil down to me basically being a bit unchallenged and frustrated with service issues.

the new job offer I have is for a company who have just been bought out, for the second time in about ten years, and the market in the industry I work in is terrible right now. In the back of my mind, I’m starting to doubt whether moving is the right call, I’m a little worried about the job security and a bit frustrated about the vagueness of the process so far. The job role is a bit woolly as well but I was hoping it would be fleshed out a bit more in the official offer.

the longer it goes without a job offer, the more I’m starting to doubt it. I’m fairly sure my boss would match the salary to keep me, so the money isn’t a huge consideration in that sense - but I don’t think staying at my current job will bring me any joy from working in the office whilst it’s such a male culture. The new job is mainly female (although every mostly female office I’ve worked in before has been bitchy). On the other hand, it’s a massive company and I feel fairly valued and well respected, in the sense that it’s about as secure as a job could ever be.

when I was expecting the offer last Friday, I was all set to hand my notice in and was fine with it. But then the chat with my boss, who doesn’t know I’ve got a job offer on the table, addressed a few of my concerns just enough to make me question myself, and like I say, the more I’m thinking about it, the more my resolve is weakening!

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MickeyMouseEars · 22/04/2024 20:23

Hmm that's tricky. I don't think the new job sounds right for you (it certainly doesn't sound any better from what you've described) and I think if I were in your shoes I'd probably stick with your current one whilst looking for something better.

sleekcat · 22/04/2024 20:32

If your boss is now behind you working from home and that's what you want I would probably stick with that. Salary-wise it doesn't sound as though you'd really be better off and you sound doubtful about the move.

Wfhdilemma · 22/04/2024 21:39

Thank you, both of you - I think I’ve just talked myself round in circles and now I can’t seem to make a decision!
my boss would still like me to work from the office sometimes, and I’m not opposed to it, but certainly not full time which is what he wanted.

I got in touch with someone I know, who used to work at would be my new place (and left there after about five years), and she’s considering going back there. I was going to meet her tonight to find out the reality of the new place, but she had to cancel as a relatives been rushed to hospital, and it feels a bit crass to ask her now. I had hoped to have my mind eased a bit, and that after talking to her, I’d be leaning one way or the other, but obviously that’s not happened and I do need to make a decision fairly soon!

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Welliwould · 22/04/2024 22:22

I have a WFH contract and my boss likes me to show my face in the office once in a while. I go into an office about once every 6 weeks. I arrange meetings and social stuff (lunches) on the day so it's a very full day and there's a purpose to going in.
I wouldn't go back to working from an office on a weekly basis, and I definitely wouldn't be taking a cut in finances unless I was also cutting my hours or responsibilities.
Sounds like your boss is approachable and open to changes. Personally, I'd stick with the current firm and think about what you need to make things better so you can work on the with your boss. You've made an effort even though you had no obligation to do so on your WFH contract, so they should make an effort too.
I wouldn't be moving to a firm that has just changed ownership, might not be stable.

JammyJellyfish · 22/04/2024 22:27

I don't normally say this but your current role looks better at the moment. Aside from a blokey culture and needing to go into the office more (which could be fixed) it seems reasonably OK. I WFH and go into the office from time to time (think once a month) to show face.

Wfhdilemma · 22/04/2024 22:56

Thank you, it’s interesting you’ve all said similar, ie stay!

I’d been going into the office once a week for an hour long meeting for about three months before they wanted to do a full day, so it’s not like I was never there. And I train new starters so I’m in for a week whenever we have one of those. I (usually) make every effort to go out when they do anything socially, although it’s got more blokey in the last few months since a woman left and wasn’t replaced, so social things will be less fun for me now.

The frustrating thing is that I wouldn’t mind working in the office a bit more if it was a less isolating environment for me. If it was a better mix of people (which it was when I took the job), I think I would enjoy it. That’s nobody’s fault really, and can’t be helped, but it’s not like I’m saying I don’t enjoy it just because I want to stay at home in my joggers.

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NoBinturongsHereMate · 23/04/2024 00:39

When your boss first said about coming into the office more, why did you not just tell him you had changed to a WFH contract?

Grendell · 23/04/2024 00:46

For me the whole point of changing jobs is for the big increase in salary, so in your situation I would not change jobs.

coxesorangepippin · 23/04/2024 03:00

I'd stay in your current role

Can you develop your friendship network closer to home, to replace the lack of female colleagues in the office?

Wfhdilemma · 23/04/2024 06:51

NoBinturongsHereMate · 23/04/2024 00:39

When your boss first said about coming into the office more, why did you not just tell him you had changed to a WFH contract?

Because I was open to giving it a try, and I wasn’t sure if they could change my contract easily or not (I posted about it on here). I know I have to agree a change, but i wasn’t sure if I could fight it, or whether my only option was to leave if they did change it.

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Wfhdilemma · 23/04/2024 07:00

coxesorangepippin · 23/04/2024 03:00

I'd stay in your current role

Can you develop your friendship network closer to home, to replace the lack of female colleagues in the office?

Yes, that’s definitely an option, I was considering that last night. I’m good at my job, and it’s not difficult, just frustrating sometimes when things don’t go to plan, but that’s every job, I guess!

There’s a key element to the job which I can do myself at my current role (as can all my colleagues, it’s just the way the company is set up), but I’ve heard that it’s done by another department at the new role, which results in delays. I work really quickly and do well because of it; and if I’ve got to wait for another department at the new place, I think I’d find that frustrating. The obvious answer is to ask my new boss, which I may do now I’m probably not going to be able to ask my friend - I was hoping for the reality rather than the spin, if that makes sense!

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TheSandgroper · 23/04/2024 07:13

If you stay where you are, could you join Zonta or Probus or something to get you out of the house, stretch your mind, develop a female network and either be mentored or mentor someone else?

Wfhdilemma · 23/04/2024 07:34

I’ve not heard of either of those, but absolutely yes, there are things I can do more of outside of work to get the social interaction. My current workplace are a big company and whilst they don’t have a mentor programme, it’s definitely the sort of thing I could see them going for. My boss knows I’m a bit frustrated by the work, but I can’t (couldn’t?) see an obvious solution, but there’s no getting away from the fact that there’s definitely development opportunities if I want them. If it’s the job itself that I’m a bit tired of, moving somewhere new is effectively just a short term sticking plaster as the job itself is the same.

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TheSandgroper · 23/04/2024 07:44

https://www.zonta.org/
Just looked up Probus. It’s for retired people.

Home

https://www.zonta.org/

TheSandgroper · 23/04/2024 07:48

I am reminded of an article I read once where kids that are being bullied/not doing well at school cope better if their out of school life is fulfilling.

I’m not at all saying that you are not doing well but if the out of work time could be more fulfilling, do you think you would do better? Because it seems as if the current job has quite a bit going for it.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 23/04/2024 08:00

I wouldn’t take the new job. It sounds like you’d actually be worse of financially and bot challenged at all.
Why do you want to move? It would be useful if you could articulate that.

TheSandgroper · 23/04/2024 08:09

@HappyHolidai I’d forgotten about them.

Saintmariesleuth · 23/04/2024 08:16

From your replies OP it sounds like you are frustrated in your current job role. My understanding is that your new role will be very similar (sorry if I have misunderstood this). I worry that you'd still be frustrated.

I agree with the previous poster about you not feeling challenged. What kind of development would interest you, and what scope in either of these companies exists for you to develop? Has your manager offered suggestion at your last appraisal?

Startingagainandagain · 23/04/2024 08:30

I would stay in your current job for now if WFH was your main goal but I would also keep an eye for the right job to come along, as this new one does not sound any better than what you have.

Wfhdilemma · 23/04/2024 10:04

Oh you’ve all been so lovely, and SO helpful, thank you!
@TheSandgroper you could well be right - I’m not unhappy in my personal life, but I wouldn’t say I’m hugely fulfilled either. I live alone, and I could definitely push myself to be more social and to do more after work. I think that would almost help to minimise the frustrations I have at work.
@Idontgiveagriffindamn great question. Initially, it was something I considered because I don’t want to work in an office full time, but like I said in my first post, I hadn’t got that far yet before the new company approached me! I think a new job would give me a challenge mentally, and I was hoping that it would come with more of a social element. Working from home feels way less isolated than working in an office with a team I have nothing in common with.

@Saintmariesleuth you’ve got it bang on, the jobs themselves are essentially the exact same, so other than a new computer system and potentially some customers that are new to me, it’s basically what I’m doing now. So potentially a temporary fix. In the past, my manager has suggested going out to see customers more, or working in the office more, or I got put forward for a skills development course. I turned down the latter because I only got put forward as nobody else volunteered to do it, it comes with no qualification or tangible benefit, would have to be done around my current workload with no help offered, and about a third of it was covering things that aren’t really relevant to my job.

I wish there was a suggestion I could go to him with, for something that would boost my enjoyment of the job a bit, but I’ve wracked my brains and have struggled to come up with anything! He said he was going to have a think as well, so I’ll see if he’s come up with anything. I’ve never wanted to be a manager, I’ve been burnt in the past on that front (so a fast track to management wouldn’t really do it for me), but I DO want to be bloody good at my job and know as much as possible.

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TheSandgroper · 23/04/2024 10:09

I have suggested organisations but, equally, a choir or horseriding or geocaching might get you to the same point.

Reading your comments, you do sound a bit isolated. I know my dad worked at home with customers constantly coming in but, even so, getting out of the house to a regular community thing each week was a lifeline to him.

Wfhdilemma · 23/04/2024 11:03

Yep - I’ve got a dog so I go out with her every day, chat to people I see along the way, etc. And usually I’ve got plans of a weekend with my boyfriend or my friends (albeit I’ve had a few weekends on my own lately due to various things, Covid being one of them!), but during the week my social life tends to be pretty minimal.

I definitely think it’s one of those things that’s worth investing in before it starts to feel like a problem!

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Wfhdilemma · 23/04/2024 19:04

not that it really needs an update, but I’d chased the hiring team ( not an external recruitment agency) yesterday afternoon for the formal offer, no response. Had a message from new boss at lunchtime today saying the offer would be with me today…. And still nothing.

my friend thinks that I’m making it more of an issue than it needs to be, and that I’m looking for an excuse to stay where I am, but I’m finding it really frustrating that I’ve now had two dates given for the formal offer to be issued, and they’ve been and gone (coupled with new boss being told I’ve already formally accepted) with no explanation. I wouldn’t hand my notice in without a formal offer, but this is giving me absolutely no confidence in the new job!

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