How to cope with managers opinion of yourself

[GotTired]

So i am struggling with my new manager for few months. I have asked her outright about my performance today as I felt like I had enough of waiting and my anxiety creeped up. Basically I feel she is being unfair. I have said my arguments/evidence but it seems to me she has been deliberately picky. This work starts to creep up on my self esteem and I dont know if its me or her or indeed industry. I am struggling with trusting my own judgement after abusive marriage so that doesnt help. How do you cope with sthg like that? Just so you can continue to put your 100% into job and like it the same. I need to twist it somehow in my head. Her opinion was good but things she said that are to look at I feel are minor but really unfair.

I'm a little confused. You outright asked your manager for feedback on your performance and are now resentful at the fact she said it was overall good, but there are areas for improvement?

You need to be able to take constructive criticism - particularly if you've asked for it. There is absolutely no point in refusing to listen and only wanting to hear people tell you that you are marvellous and everything is great. There's no point arguing and being resentful.

It sounds like she was fair, but gave you some minor things to look at. Why on earth can't you just look at those and take the advice on board? That is the whole point of appraisals and feedback.

If you have been employed there only for a few months, and overall positive performance report with details to improve is normal, isn't it?
She does need to show you points you can improve, so she can praise you/ give you a bonus if you achieve them.
Did you have meetings set during your probation? How were they? Have you passed your probation? And do you have a personal performance meeting with targets? How often?

Thank you for your comments. Perhaps i just need to grow up. Im prepared to do that. I think its a lotnof resentment and perhaps Im not seeing it properly

For context in my performance review in October 23 I was given 20+ points for improvement.

None of them about the quality of my actual work. 50% were about the way I run meetings. So not her way.

I've made a list of them. I'm working on them. If I can crack them all I'll be an amazing manager. I'm actually a good manager with an outstanding team that I built. She has done a real number on my self esteem.

But the way my boss did this has completely changed our relationship. There is zero psychological trust left. I viewed her as an amazing role model and I fought to stay in her team. I don't any more. Her husband is part of my team which is an interesting dynamic!

However I am now less angry. The points were largely valid and I recognize that I will be a better manager the more of them I achieve Do you think you will be able to get to this point too?

@Wallywobbles thats what i got from my manager and its creepling on my self esteem (not only that but micromanaging and talking over me in the meetings). So i think a lot is resentment perhaps as I do not feel valued but also as I had my confidence totally broken before I dont trust myself and my own judgement.

I totally get why you feel this way about her and Im glad it got easier for you.