Applying for jobs when feeling overwhelmed

[Clear2000]

I’ve changed my name for this. I’m going through a terrible time at work at the moment and it’s clear I need to leave before I’m pushed. It’s no fault of my own- I’ve had consistently excellent feedback during my time there- but a bullying boss and terrible attitudes to staff has led to a lot of stress and I’m signed off for the first time in my career. I have a solicitor involved (although I can’t say he’s done a lot so far).

I have children, a mortgage and I currently bring in the biggest income which we rely on so I’ve been trying to shake off the bad feelings and apply for jobs. I was feeling more positive and proactive but I’m having a bad couple of days and I feel terrible today. Very stressed, a bit hopeless and panicking. The job market is terrible in my industry. I’ve applied for 3 and I’m through to the last interview for one, I’ve done the last interview for another and I have a second interview this week for the third. It sounds great on paper but for the last few days I’ve started to despair.

I probably wouldn’t be applying for any of these jobs if I didn’t have to. One is for a role in a company I’m familiar with and would normally be happy working for but I think the job is a stretch for me. I usually work in a team of people and this one involves working on my own in a senior position with no one to go to for support. My current job has smashed my confidence and I’m worried I would mess it up.

One is with a company I wouldn’t usually consider. I like some of what I saw in the interview but there were a couple of red flags. I think I can do the job well but, again, I wouldn’t move to this role if I had the option to stay where I am (albeit without the crap from the last 4 months).

The third is for a small company that has shown a lot of red flags but I don’t feel like I can be choosy- these are currently the only advertised jobs available!

i haven’t received any offers yet so feel like I’m in a really precarious situation and due to the situation at work I feel like I’ve let my family down.

I’m also worried about starting a new job at the moment when I feel like a shell of who I was.

Has anyone got through this and can offer any advice?

So sorry!

Not the same but am having sad/tough time at the moment and was bullied in the past.

the fear of losing the income is understandable.

most people who change jobs are unhappy. You were happy till 4 months ago. You will be again.

I suspect once you get away from your bully you will feel much better. It may take time to rebuild yourself but it is amazing how good one can feel when not being actively bullied.
I suspect you are doing better than you think if you are being successful at first stage interviews.

“bullying at work: how to confront band overcome it”

”bully in sight”

both helped me

Thank you. I’m finding it so hard to shake this feeling of sadness at the situation. I think the shock of it all hasn’t helped at all (I was so content and confident in my role before this) and the accusations levelled at me, although not true and completely orchestrated by my LM to get rid of me, have left me feeling embarrassed and doubting myself.
I’m also just so embarrassed and hurt that no one at work stood up for me. My LM bosses all supported her in doing this even when it was pointed out how untrue it all was.
I’m also a catastrophiser so even when things are going well I imagine all things that could go wrong to prepare myself for the worst. That’s really not helping my MH in my current situation where I’m imagining all the absolute worst things that could happen.

I could have written this! I also had accusations against me that are completely untrue and orchestrated by LM! But unlike you I don’t have that many interviews, I work in a very niche sector. Well done on getting that many interviews, there is light in the end of the tunnel. I also feel lost and shocked and disappointed so don’t know whether to leave without a job lined up or stay even if being pushed out

@Bananachip2023 i’m sorry to hear that. Do you have family to support you?

I got a solicitor involved. It’s been stressful and it’s not all sorted yet (we’re close to three months now) but they might be able to help if you decide to leave. I put a grievance in that they reviewed and then I’ve was signed off sick because my MH has been so affected. The solicitor then got involved. DM me if you want more details.

I’ve had days when I’ve felt more positive but I’m still waiting for the outcome of the interviews and not doing anything actively to solve the problem is really affecting me. Plus no new jobs have come up in the last three weeks so if I don’t get an offer from these I don’t know what to do next.

Yesterday I felt dreadful, just total despair at the situation, imagining the worst, panic. I was thinking about it constantly all day and ended up having a really big cry last night.

Any idea when you might hear back from the interviews? Have you used a head hunter or agency?

@Overtheatlantic one is through a recruiter- the head of the department for the job has told me he wants to recommend that they make me an offer but his manager is on leave and so it’ll be the end of next week now. Odd that he would tell me without getting full clearance. I think he was worried I would accept somewhere else but my unhelpful mind keeps telling me they won’t approve it.

One said next week but at the end of the interview dropped it in that the role requires travel to mainland Europe once a month, plus the role was slightly undefined.

Another hopefully next week but they’ve had over 50 applicants which is unheard of in my sector. I was the first to be interviewed and they offered me an interview within two hours of applying. I had my third last week but I’m worried I’m under qualified for it.

I currently have a third interview lined up for another company for a week on Monday but I got a terrible feeling from the line manager in last interview. I would have to travel to it quite a distance and they want a presentation. My partner thinks I should cancel because I don’t want to go on to another toxic situation but I worry that I won’t be successful with the others and no other jobs will come up.

well done on standing up for yourself! I didn’t involve the union or solicitors. My LM has two of her favourite who she quotes to have complained about me and she says they have told her things I have never said. Obvious it’s all orchestrated by her but if I complain to the union she will complain to hr etc about things that haven’t happened. I feel like I don’t have the mental energy to go down the solicitor and union route just now..

Deepest sympathies, work environments can be a really toxic experience.

The fact you have a solicitor on the case is good, especially if you have been in the organisation for more than 2 years you are more likely to land a settlement agreement and get a payout if you need to leave. I agree than leaving a toxic environment will make you feel better but, for personal experience, it takes a bit to heal.

You have not mentioned a budget, but I assume you've made one to figure how long you'll be able to stay without working in the worse case scenario?
I also hope you are getting help with your MH, I personally found CBT incredibly powerful when going through similar.

You are doing well. Most people who are bullied out do not stand up for themselves with a solicitor! So well done for making a stand.

You applied for three jobs and got 3 interviews - that’s amazing!!

I think you need to take some time for yourself and speak to your family about your worries, they can help, but you have to let them in.

I’m a bit further down the line than you, but not dissimilar situation - work became intolerable, went through the grievance process etc. I am a few months out the other end and still struggling. It’s not as bad as during the interview stage though - that was horrendous and I really feel for you. My best suggestion is take it one day at a time. Deliberately do things for you (self care), and make sure you exercise. Do things to help you to sleep. Get therapy if you can.

I underestimated the impact on me and just tried to solider on.

Lastly, to echo what someone else said - it’s brave to stand up for yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise (and believe me, many people labelled me as trouble for doing so).

@CherryPickle thank you. Have you left and moved on to another job now?

My company are pushing me to sign the agreement but my termination date listed in my reference will likely raise questions about why I resigned whilst interviewing for jobs but not having secured one. I have no idea how to explain that really. I’m not allowed to mention the agreement to anyone.

I might find out the outcome about two jobs this week so I’ve not been sleeping well.

i’m trying to get out of the house and keep busy but being on my own all day with no one to speak to (highlighted by all my friends and family working) is leaving me feeling awful. I’m also trying to spend as little as possible so my options for doing things is limited.

I’m not sure I’ll ever feel comfortable spending money again after this- I’ll feel the need to hoard money in case of disaster.

I think many companies won’t even ask, but you can always say that you have decided to leave the company for reason xyz and decided to start working your notice so you could have a small break between jobs and then start straight away with new company . Reason xyz needs to be noting smearing, play on wanted to be more technical/more strategic/ more leadership opportunities etc.

I feel for you, I was exactly in the same situation earlier this year. New manager has completely boycotted me, and at the end the choice I was offered was a pip which I strongly disputed or a settlement agreement. Since I have been in that company less than 2 years, and therefore I could have been just dismissed, I decided to go for a settlement agreement and leave that toxic environment. My only regret is that I was made disappear into thin air without having a chance to say goodbye, and conversations with ex colleagues who got in touch was really awkward as I couldn’t talk about the agreement.

OP don’t underestimate you needing some time to recover, being bullied/gaslighted/ isolated can be really traumatic and it can have a knock out effect on your self esteem and make you less resilient to the stressors of starting a new job.

@Sadfunfra thanks, and sorry to hear what you went through. I’m worried about not being able to say goodbye to colleagues as well and also what I’ll say to them if I bump in to them in the future. Some I’d count as good friends who I’ve worked with for years and if it wasn’t for this terrible manager I’d have carried on working with them for a good chunk of my career.

Starting again at new company feels terrifying and I’m worried about making mistakes.

I need to make a decision imminently about the agreement and I’m supposed to hear today whether I have an offer from one company. If not I might just sign anyway and take the PILON to get some distance from the company because I feel like I’m still being bullied by them now.

Like you said, I can come up with an excuse for the gap (had an offer that fell through/ decided to take a break etc).

I’ve found out today that the illness I suffered due to stress at work has possibly left me with an illness that can cause life-long disability. The whole situation has been so overwhelming. I couldn’t have dreamt 6 months ago I’d be hear dealing with this now!

Hi, just an update on this- I got offers from two companies (one I can walk in to and just continue what I was doing in my current role and one for the job I’m worried I’m under qualified for).

I’d hoped I’d be excited but I was hit by a huge wave of anxiety. Now I don’t know which one to go with, any advice gratefully received.

The first is similar to my current role, they seem like nice managers but my team would be slightly inexperienced. Managers stay long term but they have a high turn over at my grade (people seem to stay for 2 years max). Not an exciting move and I know it shouldn’t matter but I know my current company would be smirking if I took this one.

The second is a company I’ve worked with. The department I’ve worked with is fairly relaxed in their culture (open to dialogue, happy to ask advice etc). I would be working in a slightly different department, lots of new people but all have said how lovely the company is. Big step up in responsibility. Half the job I’m very experienced with but the other half I haven’t done for years and it was limited then. I’ve tried to explain this in each interview but they just seemed keen to persuade me I was very experienced. If I take this one I have 3 months before I start to read up more and practice etc.

one issue with this one- they don’t want a basic reference, they want a detailed reference from someone. Obviously, I’m extremely worried- I’m about to sign the agreement with my company but the reference agreed is basic (although if asked for more it says it can’t be less favourable). I obviously can’t ask my LM. I asked if a colleague would do and they said yes but I hate asking favours and putting people in awkward positions. My previous company doesn’t exist (and my manager there was awful). What if they ask if I’ve taken sick leave and find how much?

Considering how I feel should I consider the role that needs lots of learning etc or go for the easy option? I’m just worried that in 12 months time I’ll regret my decision if I go for the easy one, but also worrried I’m not mentally resilient enough for a challenge.

It feels like a big mess!