Broke down at work

[Vanechka]

Not sure exactly what's going on, but wanted to know if anyone else has experienced this. I fully broke down at work this week, just uncontrollable crying, had to go home, and have been in bed since with headaches and abdominal pain. I think it's stress-related as I recently started a new job, after having been in a very difficult workplace for a few years, am into perimenopause, and have had troubles at home (partner with alcohol dependence and mood swings, and beloved SEN child whose infancy/toddler years were brutal). Need to see GP of course, not looking for diagnosis or specific advice, but wondering if anyone has had a similar experience, and how things got better for others.

I quit the job.

Hope you're more settled now!

Yes, this happened to me.
I left the job, after a lot of soul searching, and had some time off to recover.

I went into a related field and enjoyed it.

I hope you start to feel better soon. It's awful when you feel so distressed.

Oh my lovely, you have so so much going on.

I am not surprised this happened to you.

Similar thing happened to me, I had nothing left in me to give but just kept going for months. I had a business lunch and the food arrived, done so many business lunches before and no problems.

I looked at the food and thought I can’t eat one bite of it because I am struggling to breath with anxiety never mind eat and hide the whole thing.

Went to the toilet and locked myself in. A colleague came to see if I was okay about 30 minutes later and I went to pieces. Had to wfh for 6 months.

Looking back I had a breakdown and still haven’t really got over it - because I didn’t ever let my mental health heal.

My advice is get signed off, do the bare minimum of home responsibility’s and be selfish.

your mind and body has given you a clear warning. Take notice, don’t be me

When you leave a difficult workplace you will always have a reaction of some sort as you realise the pressure is off. And you have that on top of an already difficult situation at home.

Are your work supportive? If you were someone I manage I would be sending you home and then working out with you what the best next step for you is, whether it's working with more pastoral support in place/reduced duties etc or being away from work.

Definitely agree with poster above about giving yourself the time to heal.

Thank you for really kind and perceptive and valuable comments. Yes, @shuffleofftobuffalo I do think there's a decompression after the previous stressful role (as I've moved into a much more peaceful, supportive environment; which probably also casts light on issues at home, as it's such a contrast). I don't want my current, lovely employer to be affected by the fallout from that experience but I guess I can't easily control that! @Bringonthesunforthewashing and @TheShellBeach and @QuestionableMouse thank you for such compassionate responses, it really means a lot - the kindness of strangers is an amazing thing. I'm so sorry to know of what you went through, and that in some cases you still feel you haven't fully recovered. I hope you can find your own space for healing.

I am so much better and happier now, and you will be too!

Had the same once. I present myself as happy go lucky but put up with a difficult and rude line manager for years who wfh after COVID. I cut my comms out with her slowly. I couldn't challenge her too much as she had a history going back with senior management for 10+ years.
There was another guy in the warehouse, the sole dispatch guy. Rumoured to be a hooligan back in the day . from one of Europe's biggest council estates according to him. This guy was rough as anything. I never spoke much to him in 5 years. About 4 months before I left he sent a very curt email saying I would have to check the stock myself. Ihad no clue where to start as it wasn't at all in the remit of my job
There was a particularly sympathetic young manager in the room that day and I went to say f*** Craig xx. Instead it came out as a rant which ended with my voice breaking. Completely out of character for me. Some of the managers tried to calm me down with a nice get a grip but I was lost in own words. I found out a third manager sent round a message as I was speaking to let me finish as it's not that kind of situation. Afterwards they all offered to help resolve the issue with the part. Word had spread.
I later talked to that guy's manager but they wanted something in writing. Frankly my own lm was worse but it came out against the guy with least leverage and seniority.
My lm who wfh had to come in due to her lm and mental health role. The director who worked in the office at the back got involved too as I was not management but senior and had a quite vital role.
I left 4 months after that. In truth many incidents had been breaking me. They hadn't reacted to the mini incidents over the years or recognised that I wasn't a tough guy. At one point I took my first ever 3 days off for stress due to that guy but pretended it was flu. It was a long absence for me and the director called to check up on me too

I don't blame you but it's a sign you're not happy and need to make plans now for your happiness and sanity..I gave two months notice just to get it off my chest and it flew by.
Im a lot happier now. I've taken time off and feel better and stronger mentally and I'm looking forward to working with new people
I wouldn't go back there tbh. It was a different time in my life that is gone now

Thanks for sharing, @bctf123 . I'm sorry you had such a stressful experience.

That's ok. It wasn't the worse place in the world and I like talking about my time there as it taught me a lot.
There was a lot of nice people there and the main reasons I stuck around was stability and good people especially the director/operating manager. It shows you have to have something to keep you going and this guy who started in the same role as me 10 years ago and was 2 years older than me used to literally love talking about everything and anything and he taught me a lot about conduct and the most basic day to day things. There was a lot of times in those early days (we were a startup within a global corp) that those late evening laughs and work discussions talked me down from leaving without him knowing it.
In the 5years our startup became quite successful and we spent less time laughing and I spent less time learning from him. His role was starting to move in a PR Direction and away from the strategy and day to day. The next in line was ok but dull and not particularly motivated

I had a lot of respect in the office for what I learned especially from new senior staff who realised I knew more than my manager. I used to put stuff in the oven on evenings, talk and joke all the time, talk about my crush on Perrie Edwards and that's something you don't get often.

Apart from those 2 who wound me up it was actually a good place to work and people recognised how well I worked around difficult or lazy people but now I'm older, wiser and got a bit more financial cushion (and I've had a lot of experience temping and looking for jobs) I wouldn't stick it out for long. I felt like a kid when I started and I was at 27 but 5 years later I think I can hold my own most of the time so like i said I don't regret it overall

Anyway thinking back on your question I've probably gone off point.

if you are ina new job and happy enough stick it out. It's stability for you and that's might be what you need for this stage in your life.
My job had terrible pay but it was secure and stable for what I needed which was freedom to breathe. I'd also never had a permanent job and this allowed me to leave my parental home where I was unhappy
There's been times I left ok jobs simply because it was the wrong time and place. Sometimes you need recovery from jobs and you might be working through recovery
We move on in life and what we need from jobs changes
You haven't said you are unhappy in the job so it seems this might be a blip
If you're not happy and want to take a risk move on or temp
If you're working is supportive that's really good. I had flexi time and truth be told I sometimes came in late morning because of everything going on and got away with it because they let me as a "special case". My colleagues covered for me with the line manager so all was good

Don't be too hard on yourself. You haven't fallen out with anyone or taken advantage at work. You're just slowly coming back up x

I just wanted to say, and no one told me.

• Perimenopause is brutal for e.g. if you start new situations you find stressful, you really start doubting yourself. I had no idea about this until I read about it/saw it posted here.

• Sadly most GPs are still bloody useless re perimenopause but some are better re menopause, men are still not that great in my experience with both. I'd advise seeing a menopause specialist (you'll have to pay) or even asking for HRT or something for this.

• I spent about 3-4 years on Menopause Max, Sage etc tablets which did sweet FA for me in perimenopause. Magnesium citrate helped with sleep (plus magnesium cream) but HRT was the real game changer. You could try something made up by e.g. Neals Yard Remedies, I got a massage oil specially made and also a tea for this (think the tea just relaxed you).

I'll just post my experience here. I'd been working in a permanent job but also been doing temp/contract jobs and was a legal PA/Sec. I got an in-house legal PA/Sec job at a huge global company (not saying who!) but it was quite corporate, even compared to the previous law firms where I'd worked.

• I also found my new colleagues who were very welcoming and friendly during the interviews completely changed when I arrived, it was almost like a 360 degrees about turn.

• The work I had to do completely threw me and I was working with someone who was meant to be training me/inducting me who was a complete automaton, I'd not met her at interviews (so didn't know if we'd get on) and found out that the one lawyer I worked with and who was rude, even violent (throwing things across the room, breaking her desk) used to be assigned to her, but was now assigned to me!

• I also learned that my predecessor had moved internally into a different dept, probably due to issues in our dept, she'd actually been off sick with a hearing issue and said this new company weren't good at inductions nor with illness.

• After about 2 weeks in the role, I got on with my work, but suddenly found myself getting panicky, anxious, tearful and feeling like I couldn't cope with it at all. I didn't know how to handle it at all and my then boyfriend, SIL and DM all tried to help me by talking to me and talking me through it. I finally ended up by walking out, I just couldn't take it anymore and felt completely misunderstood and no empathy.

• Luckily, I was paid all the money owed to me and my direct boss there was sympathetic - but I really wish I'd known how perimenopause can completely shatter your life when it comes to experiences like this. Then I'd have been kinder to myself and I might've even spoken to their HR about this, had I known what I was going through.

I'd like to reiterate what others have said, be kind to yourself, it is not your fault you are suffering with perimenopause, it is a medical symptom, perfectly normal too! You also have a myriad of other issues to contend with. Starting a new job is high on the list of most stressful things in your life and leaving a difficult one is stressful too!

As pp also said, give yourself time to heal from your previous stressful jobs. I can't stress how important this is. Most of us jump from the frying pan into the fire (as it were) or seem to, but there are workplace rules and help around stress in the workplace, use them.

I'd also say, try to talk to your female friends/relatives about this - when I finally did (whether over coffee or drinks), I felt far less alone and we shared/share our perimenopause/menopause symptoms/stories. A problem shared is a problem halved as they say.

The menopause board here is great too, they talk about perimenopause. Wish I'd found it earlier! Now I'm properly in menopause (at 52) with no periods (thank god for that!) I feel so much more normal and 'me' again, such a blessed relief, so it does get better, I promise you.

Have a very un-MN'etty hug from me and some too. Feel free to PM me too if you want to talk.

What you say really resonates with me.

I've been the type often to 'stick it out' in jobs, one for 6 years (should've left after at least 3 years) and another 5 years (again should've left sooner but was being bullied there).

The wrong time and place is crucial and also healing too, if you leave a stressful job.

I'm one of the old school type (am 52!) who believes you have to power on through, get on with it, when in fact, you 'do' need time to recover from a stressful situation and healing 'is' important! Also, for me, I've been guilty of leaving one stressful job in a hurry (after a year) and jumping straight into another job, without really thinking, in a sort of panic. Never a good idea to do that.

It was only when I spoke to another PA (contract, had been at a huge global organisation for 5 years, 4 in 1 dept) last year, who'd been bullied by her last boss who wouldn't speak to her (yet sat next to her at his/her desks), was misogynistic, sexist and a complete bully and she finally left that company but rang me up and offloaded about her experiences there that I realised everyone goes through this!

In the past few months she'd been there she'd been suicidal due to his behaviour. If she ever tried to raise it with senior management, HR, she'd get told off because she was a temp/contractor and not allowed to raise this. But it was other managers on the PA/Office management side who told her she wasn't allowed to complain.

Absolutely disgusting behaviour and I'm tempted to name them here. Think of global structural engineering companies based in Euston area and with 2 names and that's them. Steer clear. Not only me who's said that either since leaving.