I've been in full time employment in IT, for almost 30 years now, which in retrospect I see as a pretty volatile industry regarding job stability. I've managed to remain in technical/managerial roles by changing areas and companies, skilling up and reinventing myself but all in IT. Me having a job made our lives more comfortable, paid for children's nurseries and later on for private schools.
The last two companies I've been with have been pretty awful turning me into a wreck trying to figure out how to resolve being neglected at work and at the same time not burdening DH too much with conversations about work related issue. The end result has been that the only thing I could think of, and with the agreement of DH was to stop working at the age of 52 to try to regroup about what next. He would be happy if I could figure out my social life as that is what has suffered all these years of me working full time for sure.
I am finding myself awfully unprepared and would not know how you can really prepare. The issue of the lack of friends has been bothering me for some years now. I joined a choir and an exercise group a few years back, the choir is in the evening and everyone just goes home after the rehearsals. Exercise group was great which post covid turned into a friendship group for half of the group who did not invite the rest to birthdays or gatherings. I have been going to a class now which turned out to be non verbal, we just exercise, say a few words to one another and go home. May be not the best choice.
I am overall down from two personal friends whom I saw respectively every so often for coffee or at home to literally none. I have now signed up for one of Ramblers walks, but honestly feel so deflated. I literally feel pain in my chest during the day and wake up in the night with the sense of doom which I never felt before.
DH is trying to help, saying to enjoy a few month off and may be go for a horticultural course and meet some friends there. He has scoured local newsletters and web with me for various activities, most of which revolve around local gyms and what looks like quite old folk in the local WI.
This is not first time I stopped working, I had a few months break when I was 40 and failed to find a party time job to be like most Mums where I live. This just feels more hopeless.
We are in a medium sized town in the home counties, every Mum has either been a stay at home Mum or has kept or moved to a part time job. During the time that our children have been through both state and private schools, I wore myself down with childminders, au-pairs, school runs from before and after school care seeing Mums at the occasional evening get together and mini chats at play dates. Us few who worked looked pretty frazzled. Class Reps were doing a fab job in my DS's school and I met DS friend's Mums most, but could not build friendships as missed meeting up in the week for morning coffees. I have even pretended to have a medical appointment to leave work and go to some of their lunches in the day, but it was obvious that I was not part of their story. It was the usual 'nice that you came', 'you always make an effort', that kind of thing. I am wondering how people in more demanding jobs than mine such as doctors navigate their social life or if status and money make things less painful.
The neighbourhoods where we lived/live had a similar vibe, part time Mums whom I saw in the evening or in the street book club, again I felt like an outlier as they got to know each other better in the day.
I did not see that me being from another European country (a small one, with no community in the UK to speak of) was an issue, but it is clear that the place is not diverse at all. We are thinking of squirrelling ourselves back to London at this age, house prices permitting to give me a chance to be with a more diverse crowd.
DH is English, in full time work too and does not seem to be troubled that he has no friends either. He is happy with human contact through his demanding job, motor/boating club, but club members only see each other during the meet ups. I feel that his retirement would be continuing with his hobby and joining a golf club.
Has anyone experienced similar damage to social life due to full time work? Did you find a way to connect with people, used apps like Bumble BFF?
If nothing works and I start getting depressed after this anxiety phase, I am thinking of having another go at a full time job to plug the hole (these are all outside of our town as there isn't much work here) or trying for some shop work allowing me to do a course to meet some other people.