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Bully boss

11 replies

TheMintHam · 12/04/2024 21:49

Brief background - Joined current company little over a year ago. From first week I realised I had been duped. No training provided, no handover, no onboarding, records left in a mess, bad vibes from colleagues and not really flexible/hybrid as I said I required and was lead to believe at interviews. Had the measure of the place soon enough, gossipy and generally toxic. Senior managers seem to enjoy the anxiety created by their passive aggression and withholding of information. I’ve actually never experienced anything like it in a professional environment. It’s like the school yard. Colleagues are elitist and harbour some questionable views. They do not seem to tolerate difference. Early days I mentioned that I was a lone a parent and this has coloured their judgement of me. Office is very conservative but at the time I didn’t realise how so. Feel judged whenever I open my mouth so only engage when someone asks me something, this is very rare. Being in the office makes me feel physically ill some days.

An incident happened recently which sent me off sick. My manager has since started to create the narrative that I do very little, that I can’t do my job and clearly doesn’t trust me. Previously my work was never questioned. I’ve realised that manager has been watching me (received calls and emails whenever my status changed to busy for an appointment) apparently trying to catch me out, sending me bigger jobs late on in the day which I can’t complete in the time frame given, and making out that I’m disrupting the office. Due to a disability I required some working adjustments which boss fought, and at a recent meeting boss was aggressive and dismissive of my issues. Boss’s behaviour seemed to make others in the meeting very uncomfortable. It was at this point I realised I had to do something. I’ve never been made to feel so small by anyone. I listed numerous incidents over the course of my time there and some were witnessed however the clandestine team will never go against boss. I found out prior to my joining there had been previous issues with a member of staff, and there was a high turnover generally. The atmosphere is awful, and boss seems to be obsessive and controlling.

Due to my experience in the last meeting I think my only option is to go straight to formal grievance. I can’t see anything being resolved informally, I can’t see formal grievance being upheld either cos they don’t really ever seem to be… Anyone got any stories to share or pearls of wisdom? I’m really depressed about the whole thing. I just want to walk out of there with my head held high.

OP posts:
WhatAreYouOnAbout · 12/04/2024 23:03

My vibe on this is get out. A grievance will never go anywhere in a shit hole like that. Get out before it kills your spirit!

Ladyprehensile · 12/04/2024 23:12

One time, long ago, I was bullied in the workplace.
After 2 years of it making me ill, I polished up my CV and got out.

I think it gave me a touch of PTSD because I really struggled in my next job to have any confidence. However, it turned out to be a great job and I was there years with bosses and colleagues who appreciated me.

Not all places are the same. Find a new tribe and thrive.

inabubble3 · 15/04/2024 09:13

Yup get out. Until then cover yourself by putting anything significant in writing. Be pleasant and professional and just do your job. Good luck x

Allwelcone · 15/04/2024 17:59

I could have written the first section of your post! Weirdly, one of the problem bosses asked me if I wanted to bring a grievance, that alone set alarm bells ringing, as I felt that if the grievance was against them and their 'style' rather than something more concrete like maternity discrimination, it was a done deal that it would not go through. Also as they were an advice charity thselves, they really knew their stuff.

I left and now work somewhere MUCH better now, they do exist! Good luck, look after yourself.

PinkCinnamon · 15/04/2024 23:21

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livingnight · 18/04/2024 18:15

I read this and thought I wonder if you work on the same place I do (not for much longer thankfully)

When I started I got weird vibes everyone was vibrating with nervousness, thought maybe it was just nervous people, brushed it off . And in the middle of it was management looking really pleased relaxed.

Looking back I realise it was a massive red flag.

This type of behaviour is often ingrained and a pattern of wider toxic behaviour. The longer you're there the longer you will think it's normal.

Run run screaming. Have you raised a formal grievance yet ? Are you part of union ?

bctf123 · 18/04/2024 19:07

Wouldn't say I've been long term bullied. Maybe pushed around in political disputes and by difficult colleagues but it was generally short lived.
I've worked on dysfunctional places and left as soon as practicable. Never got a chance to challenge

TheMintHam · 19/04/2024 07:43

I quit

OP posts:
K0OLA1D · 19/04/2024 07:44

Yesterday? How did they take it?

WoodBurningStov · 19/04/2024 07:46

Well done op, sometimes it's just not worth the stress to fight something like this.

TheMintHam · 19/04/2024 08:11

There were red flags even at the interview stages which I shouldn’t have ignored. I’m annoyed at myself because I even said I didn’t think I was right for the job after the third stage. I should have trusted my gut.

Overall, feeling pretty down about it. A few years ago I got out of a pretty horrible personal situation and was just building my confidence back up, feels like it’s at an all time low right now.

OP posts:
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