Anxiety feeling judged

[lpylou]

Does anyone else feel anxious after meetings or something they said which didn't make them come across in the best light?

Im sure at some stage we've all felt that way but for me it's so frequent, I beat myself up and feel anxious that people thing I'm stupid.

I work for a fast growing, hyper competitive company and when I joined it was 700 people and now 5,500. I've been there for a good few years so the CEO does know who I am and yesterday we were on a call and he was picking apart a few things and I've not been able to sleep because of it.

This is not unusual, I once presented to 150 people during the pandemic on zoom and thought I can across really rude to the main VP whose call it was, it was just nerves of course. Probably the same as yesterday.

I don't know if it's insecurity, perfectionism, anxiety challenges or I just know I'm not that smart but I wonder if anyone gets like this?

My husband tells me none of them thought a single thing more about the call once it ended, only me but I know I didn't come across very well. So I feel awful about it. It's a project I've been working on for 9 months with a few others but it's mainly been me, and the CEO is flying over to support the initiative and I feel like he's unimpressed.

I think the narrative in your head is the issue, rather than anything that's actually happening at work.

You're crediting yourself with mind reading powers that you don't possess. (Sorry but you can't read minds and you don't know what other people are thinking. There's no evidence to support your beliefs about what people are thinking of you.)

You're also telling yourself all of these harsh negative opinions that aren't true - but because you're telling yourself this negative story about what happened you're reacting to it and unwittingly sabotaging yourself.

You don't even seem to be willing to allow space for more rational interpretations like your husband's. It's almost like you want to feel terrible and torment yourself? What are you scared would happen if you were kinder and more forgiving to yourself?

If you change the way you talk to yourself and treat yourself, you would feel differently. Of course you feel awful and don't sleep if you spend hours beating yourself up over a non-problem and telling yourself untrue but upsetting stories about what you imagine other people think.

If you told yourself a fairer story about things, you would feel calmer. Distractions when you start worrying may also help.

Would you consider CBT to learn some better strategies for managing these situations and reactions? You can self-refer for CBT on the NHS.

Also, presenting to 150 people is an amazing accomplishment - many people would be too terrified to even contemplate that. You should feel proud of yourself and focus on all the things you did well. Don't let the good things be overshadowed by hypothetical fears that nobody else is focused on.