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Original poster

Anyone taking a step down at work when DC started school?

28 replies

generallyokay · 04/04/2024 18:11

I'm having a few issues at work, mainly team dynamics and it's becoming stressful for me.

I know lots of mums take a step back when they have children, maybe become a SAHP for a few years or go part-time when previously full-time.

But has anyone gone even more part-time when their children started school?

I am feeling like I want to be more present for my 4 year old, and I don't want them in breakfast and after school as much as they'd have to go with my current working days (4 full days).

Would anyone recommend working school hours or shorter days?

OP posts:
livingnight · 04/04/2024 18:13

Depends on your employer. Will reducing your hours actually reduce your workload ?

Alots of mums at my dd school do v part time hours. If finances can afford it do it.

Ps handy if your about if your child has meltdowns at the transition to school as mine did. V hard.

Original poster
generallyokay · 04/04/2024 18:36

I'm more thinking about a new job, less stressful environment, less pressure, school friendlier hours etc.

That's a good point about DC adjusting when they start..

OP posts:
dreamfield · 04/04/2024 19:55

Do you have in mind the particular role and employer you have in mind? Does it exist? Because that's quite the wish list.

How long are you thinking to do this and what's your exit strategy? As in, would you be able to step back up or would you have to start over?

Speaking from experience of stepping down responsibilities-wise, don't underestimate how stressful and demoralising it can be to lose the level of autonomy or status you had before - even if they're things you don't currently notice. Once you lose them, you will.

Not being challenged can also be stressful, albeit in a different way to being stretched.

KEVINNNN · 04/04/2024 19:59

If finances allow I think it's a great idea. I work school hours and it is good to pick them up after school hear about their day and also allows time for them to go to swimming/dancing/scouts after school.
Problem I find is I'm not off in the hols so pay for a full day's holiday club on a short days wage but I am fairly limited with holiday club choice so this may not be a problem for others.

Original poster
generallyokay · 04/04/2024 20:17

This is the problem I am having, I really want to be present for my children, my mum always was for us and I loved being at home after school, and during the holidays.
My niece is always in breakfast and afterschool club and holiday club, she's a handful (I'm not saying all children like that are) I think the parents are also massively to blame but being out of her home so much definitely doesn't help.

But I also don't want to lose my position at work as PP has said. I'm finding it VERY difficult to work out what's the right balance for me.. but ultimately I think my kids come first

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 04/04/2024 20:19

A colleague of mine stepped down from a FT management role when her youngest went to school at 5. She now works school hours only 4 days a week and has done foe the past 8 years.

princessbeetroot · 04/04/2024 20:32

Not quite what you're asking but I went part time (3 days a week) after my second child was born. My third child is now due to start school and lots of people have been asking if I'm going to go back full time when she starts. I think it's bonkers.

If anything it's harder working full time when they are at school because you need different types of wraparound care, you need to cover the holidays, school starts at 9am while nursery starts at 8 and finishes at 6 and is available 52 weeks a year if you want! Never mind the afterschool clubs and homework and all the random events that they seem to put on during the actual school day that nobody warns you about.

My upbringing was the opposite of yours, total wraparound care, my parents never came to sports day or the school plays and were late taking us to clubs every week because of work. I wanted different for my kids. Yes there have been sacrifices financially, but I think it's worth it for a less stressful life where I feel present and available for them. I should add that my DH has also got compressed hours at work so we have both made those sacrifices, career-wise.

In short, do it. In my view if you've have kids on purpose, then it's kind of part of the deal that you should try and be as involved in their lives as you can.

LeedsZebra90 · 04/04/2024 20:38

Being home for the kids after school is invaluable for me. I kept my same role and level of seniority but cut my hours so i finish at 3pm 4 days a week.

oldestboy · 04/04/2024 20:44

I agree that the school years are more challenging childcare wise than the younger nursery years. I once saw a post on here that said it’s the 3pm pick up that’s the career killer.

Im lucky that I can do the morning drop off and family do the pick up. I really didn’t want to be doing breakfast club and after school club at 4. Reception is a lot and my DC just wanted to be in a home environment. I also do four days so one day it’s me picking up and they come straight home.

Can you look to work at the same level but flexible hours? So maybe part time over five days to enable the pick ups and drop offs.

Goldenphoenix · 04/04/2024 21:16

I negotiated a 9.30am start every day so I can always do school drop off, that helps hugely. I also work Flexi time and from home sometimes so can collect from school a few days a week and work once they are home. This way I haven't had to go part time. Worth considering perhaps.

socks1107 · 04/04/2024 21:20

Yes I did, I was a purser for an airline and realised most of my flying was weekends when my children would be off school. So when my eldest started at 4 I gave up and went into a low paid, two days a week nhs job.
Once they started high school I increased hours and responsibilities and am now mum to young adults with a great career.
I don't regret it one bit. I attended everything, missed nothing and in one role negotiated school hours so was there at the end of every day. It worked out for me and I loved it

dreamfield · 04/04/2024 22:49

My mum worked so I had a childminder who had known me since I was a little baby so pseudo family and family friend. We'd play out together with the other kids or play indoors together until collected. It was just like getting to hang out with family and friends.

My mum would be home by 5 and we'd have the excited catch-up on my day, have dinner and do homework together. I never felt anything other than loved and content with how it was a arranged.

I never felt I missed out as the child in that scenario. If my mum had given up her job to do school pick up the only difference would be fewer loving people and friends in my life.

problembottom · 05/04/2024 23:58

My mum was a SAHM and I have fond memories of her picking me up from school. I managed to negotiate a two day a week return to work in my job which is decently paid with good benefits. 9-5 WFH.

DD is in reception and does after school club two days a week. I love picking her up three days, one day we go to the park to play with some of her classmates, another we go swimming. I’ve been able to volunteer for school trips on my non work days which DD loves and generally attend everything going. She really wants me to pick her up from school five days a week (and has clocked a few of the kids in the class have parents who do this) but seems happy enough.

Only downside is the financial one. DP is the higher earner but we miss my FT salary.

LegalAlienWooHoo · 06/04/2024 00:01

Being in breakfast and after school club has no connection to being a 'handful', so rest easy of that's what's driving this.

You do you though, if you want to and can afford it go for it.

Sooooootired01 · 06/04/2024 00:05

@generallyokay What have been the childcare arrangements up until now?

Labraradabrador · 06/04/2024 00:31

Childcare was definitely more challenging for us when they started school - cheaper, but far less availability and less flexible hours than nursery. Before and after school clubs had a lengthy waitlist when dc started reception, so no clue what we would have done if I hadn’t left my job to work freelance. That first year they were so exhausted, I am glad we were able to collect at 3pm and give them downtime. Fast forward a couple of years (y2 now) and they get really upset with me if I pick them up early - they do after school clubs and after school care even when not necessary for my work schedule as they love it.

I think if you had asked me during their reception year I would have placed a lot of value on being able to collect them at 3pm every day, but by end of y1 that was no longer a priority. I do still have a flexible freelance job, and really value being able to make all the school events, though. They stay later, but I collect them 4:30/5pm, which is late for a SAHM but early for an extrnsl job. Feel like that is the Goldilocks zone for us.

Original poster
generallyokay · 08/04/2024 14:35

Hi all thanks so much for responding.

So currently my DD is in nursery 4 days a week 7:30-5:30 - so yeah, why am I worrying comes to my mind... but, I guess with nursery it's been a gradual increase, she started on shorter days only 3 days a week and then when we turned 3 we upped it to 4 days so I could work 4 days.

I think a big part for me is that I am not really enjoying my job right now and I am always wishing to work less.

I just think that no one goes to their grave saying they wished they worked more. But a lot of people probably wish they spent more time with their children...

OP posts:
IvyIvyIvy · 15/09/2025 16:38

dreamfield · 04/04/2024 22:49

My mum worked so I had a childminder who had known me since I was a little baby so pseudo family and family friend. We'd play out together with the other kids or play indoors together until collected. It was just like getting to hang out with family and friends.

My mum would be home by 5 and we'd have the excited catch-up on my day, have dinner and do homework together. I never felt anything other than loved and content with how it was a arranged.

I never felt I missed out as the child in that scenario. If my mum had given up her job to do school pick up the only difference would be fewer loving people and friends in my life.

This is such a positive reflection :)

Itisabeautifulday · 16/09/2025 11:28

I worked part time for 14 years since DD1 was born. I wanted to be part of their life when they needed me the most. After that I went full time but working hybrid. I don’t regret it and it worked for us as a family; but I impacted my pension, which I am trying to build up now.

I enjoyed doing things with them, talking them to activities, spending time with them on holidays, etc; now they are more independent and don’t need us as much.

ClassicBBQ · 16/09/2025 14:39

I became a SAHM after DC2 was born, and stayed home for 7 years. I went back to work full time when DC3 started school, and only managed 3 years before I was completely burnt out. I now work very part time in a completely unrelated industry, but I'm happy and have some sense of a life now.

Foragingfox · 16/09/2025 14:50

Yes I did, it’s the age they miss you more, it’s more rewarding to be around them. I turned down a promotion and went for more flex. My kids are amazing. However….i did get firmly mummy tracked - mostly I didn’t notice until my second dc was getting to the end of primary and realised my options for moving back up were not that great after years of not pushing, and I’m now middle aged.

you have to have a good think about what you’ll regret more - paying a price on that time with the dc or paying a price in work opportunities that may be long lasting.

Foragingfox · 16/09/2025 14:52

Yes, it impacted my pension. I’m now a middle aged woman scrambling to drag her pension up after not paying enough in, in my 30s. It’ll mean more stress now my kids are older, and I’ve missed out on 15 years of compound interest.

CreteBound · 16/09/2025 15:13

Where’s your partner in all this? Will they be reducing their hours to support their child?

Harassedevictee · 16/09/2025 18:21

@generallyokay I am coming at this from an HR perspective.

If you have flexi time a very common working pattern is 5 x 6 hour days (or 5.5 hours) so starting at 07:30/08:00 and finishing at 13:30/14:00 with no break. Dad’s/partners etc. did morning drop off allowing you to be there at school pick up.

It is common to reduce or change hours around school starting as the child’s needs change.

Labraradabrador · 16/09/2025 22:18

i have just re-entered full time employment following 7 years of part time freelance, and while there was a bit of a confidence wobble in going back (serious imposter syndrome) I am pleased to report that I have managed to go back into a senior role with minimal impact on salary trajectory. I think the key is maintaining your network and keeping a toe in the workplace- I always worked, even if some stretches early on it wasn’t more than a day a month, and it meant I was top of the list when some of my clients were looking to expand.

I do think it can be a minefield for women in particular when balancing parenting and career, and definitely something to think carefully about depending on your industry and where you are career wise (I was quite established in my career when I had kids), but happy to report that stepping back doesn’t necessarily hamstring you from a finance or career perspective for life.

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