Hello everyone. Sorry this is going to be a bit long, but might be interesting.
So I am a 27 years old IT Engineer who moved to Germany one year ago from a third world country. I spent my years in university studying and working hard to get my degree, with one of my main goals being to go and work in Japan's Tokyo. Main reason is that the family business has an office there and my brother is working there already.
I watch the pictures of that fancy city, the city that never sleeps, with all the skyscrapers and full of different culture. Understanding that it has its cons like any other city and country, I was willing to try it, especially with the fact that the family business there have things easy. For example, you don't have to look for rent there, as the company pays for full accommodation for consultants who work there.
However, I ended up in Germany for many reasons. I stayed away from the family business in the end because of all the endless quarrels between the family members there and the pathetic arguments. Hearing the stories and following what's going on from a far, it's a pretty toxic environment, where the owner of the company, my uncle, is recruiting family members and friends and relatives left and right... even if they don't have anything to do with the demanded skills.. and because of that, it doesn't end well.
I may add that my family members, unfortunately are a bunch of liars and I can never know the true stories and what exactly happens in some quarrels and arguments, as every side comes with a version where they are 100 % innocent ( my brother included ). It's about pleasing the boss there and I don't see any professional environment. Marriage, sometimes getting a girlfriend, who you befriend, who do you talk to after work, your plans of buying a house or an apartment.. you have to always involve the boss in these things because he 'showed you the ropes' and recruited you out of the kindness of his heart.
Biggest reason is my father, who sucks up to my uncle endlessly and defends all of his actions because he is the boss. He even goes past the limit and does pathetic things, like telling things to my uncle to make it look like we cherish him and look up to him, when we didn't. The day I decided to have a father son talk with him, and I shared my dream of going to Tokyo, but try to work in a different company, he told me not to because my uncle might get mad...
My hatred grew up listening to these stories and I get away from the room the moment the name of the company is brought up. My father is horrible at listening. So I chose the lonely route.
I stayed away from the family business and rejected a somehow forced internship sabotaged by my father to make me join the company, worked in different small companies and ended up in a decent company in Germany's Munich that I love. Nothing fancy, though. I am paying for my own rent for example and it's not the kind of city I dreamt to live in. It's the contrary to Tokyo, a city that sleeps early, a big village really. Love it though but just saying. I am feeling much better after living there and the obsession of a move to Japan faded away, but It's still there. For example, I am a bit afraid to travel there for some vacation only for me to see the large difference between the two places and ending up reverting to my obsession.
Choosing this path made me more distant from my family and I'm proud, but kind of sad. My father's cherishing to my uncle has gotten out of my hand and all of us in the family hate it and hate how pathetic it gets sometimes. My brother is being somewhat hypocritical as he keeps saying that he will leave this 'hellhole' company soon, but he has been saying this for more than five years and he is still there, enjoying the benefits of free rent and the promotions and always having the advantage of being a family member and closer to the higher positions ( director, manager... ). I am glad that I am figuring my life on my own, even though it can be more difficult, but thank god I am not dealing with the ridiculous stuff of the family business, like having the obligation to pray to the boss and share everything in my life with him as if he is 'supporting' us as part of a charity program or something.
Just wanted to share this story and ask you guys what you think and if someone went through a similar experience.
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Nepotism. How the family business is chasing after me
flixblez · 25/03/2024 23:23
justasking111 · 25/03/2024 23:58
Family business can be very toxic. You are wise to work away. It is sad that you do not feel able to visit your family though.
Ivee · 26/03/2024 00:15
You’ve done well not going into that family business! But, that situation does make working in Japan a bad idea.
What you need to get into your head is that there are MANY cities that are just as exciting and glamourous as Tokyo. If you love skyscrapers and glamour you might enjoy Dubai or Hong Kong for example. Or you might just be happier in London’s Canary Wharf district.
I like Munich it is a wonderful place but maybe you want somewhere with a faster pace and that is fine. Let go of the Japan idea and look at all your other options. Maybe talk to your current company about an overseas secondment, if they’re international.
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