Anxiety, self-doubt and the workplace. Maybe also peri?

[AllAdrift]

Not sure if this should be on the work board or the perimenopause one, given my age.

I’m 43. I’ve always been anxious but the last couple of years it has been really off the scale. Have tried CBT which didn’t really do much. It coincided with a difficult period at work and a really toxic, bullying boss. I was in a senior role and have always struggled with imposter syndrome. Boss gradually clawed away at my confidence and I left to take a more junior role at another company, thinking I would get my confidence back and then step up again.

The new job is considerably less demanding than the old one, and I have far less responsibility (which I actually regret, but that’s another story). However, I am absolutely riddled with self-doubt on a daily basis. I find myself getting extremely anxious about doing really quite basic things that I wouldn’t have thought twice about 10 years ago. I also find myself making basic errors, which in turn makes me feel even more anxious and shit about myself. It really feeds the imposter syndrome and now I find myself questioning whether my whole career is a fraud.

Where has the confident and ambitious 30-something woman gone? How do I find my way back?

[dreamfield]

The errors are probably a vicious cycle. No matter how amazing you are, you will make mistakes - that's why books go through layers of proof reading by multiple people, why medical professionals have a second or third colleague to act as a "checker" when doing important tasks, etc.

If you're giving yourself a hard time about mistakes (eg saying things to yourself like "this proves I'm shit at my job" or "my whole career has been a fraud" etc) then you'll be more on edge and make more mistakes and give yourself an even harder time. And round and round you go.

Also, people usually make more mistakes when doing something boring, routine, or that they've done hundreds of times before - rather than becoming faultlessly perfect, the human brain takes short cuts with repetitive familiar tasks (which is also why medical settings use checklists). I mention this particularly because of your comment about taking less responsibility - this may actually be part of the reason for the basic mistakes.

As to how you get your confidence back - firstly, you need to stop beating yourself about the head over trivial stuff. Nobody would feel confident with a belligerent critic in their ear all the time.

Secondly, is there a path back to a role with more challenge and responsibility?

Thirdly, when did you have the CBT? Before or after you left the situation with the crap boss? If that experience is still affecting you, it might be worth exploring support options (which might be a different form of therapy if there's an element of trauma from the bullying).

[Bramshott]

This was me (I'm a few years old than you - late 40s) and HRT has been a gamechanger.

[Allwelcone]

I'd also add to the great advice to look after yourself in non work ways if you don't already. Eat well, excercise, connect with friends, hobbies, practice gratitude, meditate, yoga etc

[JuneFromBethesda]

I agree with @Bramshott - this was my experience as the perimenopause sank its teeth into me. I’d never known anxiety like it before. HRT made a huge difference.

[Aquamarine1029]

Definitely peri-menopause. I started when I was 40. Crushing anxiety that I had never had before. HRT is a lifesaver.

[SilverGlitterBaubles]

Peri had this impact on me, previously unflappable, calm under pressure and could handle stress. Now panicky, anxious, forgetful and full of self doubt. I am seeing GP next week do discuss HRT, I have at least 15 more years in the workforce and cannot possibly perform at the same level while being measured against younger and/or male colleagues not facing the same challenges.

[Turtletunes]

Is anything else happening in your life that undermines your confidence and self esteem? What is your home life like?