Should I quit my job?

[Chaosandlove]

Hello..
Today I had to pick my LO from Nursery after a failed attempt of reducing fever and then vomiting. No problem!

I told work and was met by frustration, I need to change nursery as they don't want any responsibility for LO it would seem they take the easy way out when things get tough and I'm my bosses opinion I should change to a "better" nursery...

In the year I've been back from Maternity, this is my second time I've been asked to pick her up and they always call me to let me know if there is a fever and they have given meds then depending on if the fever reduces, they ask me to pick her up.

To add, LO has had 4 febrile seizures and all have happened on a low-grade fever so while the nursery may be taking extra precautions, I believe if I myself had a fever plus vomiting I would go home..

I will admit I've taken some days off due to her seizures and being kept in hospital and if I'm ever sick myself I will go into work. It just seems to me that me having a kid is a nuisance to them... there are many other issues I've had during my time here but won't go into it.

I ended up crying on my way to the nursery and usually I can hold my own but when my boss said this I really didn't know what to say and kept quiet.. they have also denied my request multiple times to work from home when something like this happens.. I know its not a right however, I am part of two people out of 30 office staff who are not allowed to work from home.

I'm hoping to hear from women who are in jobs that support the working and default parent but would like to add, I do enjoy and want to work and originally get frustrated myself when LO falls ill but ask me to chose between my job and family and I'm sure you can guess family will always, always come first when they need me.

I’m guessing part of the issue is that you’re the “default” parent, my work would get very fed up if it was always me covering sickness, medical appointments etc. My ex still steps in to cover sickness etc because they’re his children too and it’s not fair that it’s me all the time.

Can't her dad do it?

If not, then yes, quit your job. Kids come first not employers.

Your bosses reaction is shit. I'm sure if their child was known to have seizures they would leave also.

Family first, always.

Can you afford to quit? Where's her dad??

If you have been there more than 2 years you have some statutory protection and there is provision for emergency time off ( but may be unpaid)

www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants/whats-an-emergency

Agree that having a network of friends/ family / Co parent who can also assist helps take the pressure off it always being you who has to take time away

This stage passes quickly and staying employed in the long run will help both you and your family so try to avoid emotional decisions on a tough day

TTSP

I’m guessing part of the issue is that you’re the “default” parent, my work would get very fed up if it was always me covering sickness, medical appointments etc.

This^
I have a very flexible employer that gives paid emergency carers leave, large public sector organisation.
But my manager and team would get pretty pissed off if I was the only one in my family covering sickness. They expect the child's father to also take their turn

I wouldn't quit unless I had another job.. Completely understand that there is annoyance with taking time off but the unfortunate thing is, we only have one side of the family close by and let's say not very forthcoming with unexpected help, many have their own children and MIL suffers with mental health and while she does take her one day a week that's about all she can manage!

Partner usually works a couple of hours from home, where I work 10 minutes drive from the nursery but I suppose that's another conversation to have if it happens again!

I've had four days off because of childcare, plus one day that was provisionaly booked and then one half day for a doctors appointment. I work part-time and always book appointments for these times unless really unavoidable! I have been there over two years so it's good to know I'm protected but working amongst that energy and unwarranted opinions about my childcare arrangements doesn't sit right with me.

I'm thinking because I am part-time that it looks worse but I am ahead of my work calendar for this reason of being called away.

I think 4.5 days is a lot over the year if you’re part time. I could swap my working days if needed, so if one of the kids was ill I could do another day instead - is that a possibility? I think you do need to have a conversation with your partner about taking time off to cover scheduled appointments and sickness. I know my employer would be happy for me to pick my child up quickly and return to work when their dad arrived to take care of them.

Could you save your MILs support for those emergency times or is she not able to be that flexible?

The reality is that it is a nuisance when people keep needing to take time off at short/no notice whatever the reason for that is. It’s very hard when you don’t have much local support but it’s also important, if you can and want to, to keep a hand in at work. Life can be very unpredictable and you leave yourself very vulnerable if you remove yourself from the workplace.

OP while I sympathise with your situation I don't see how WFH is going to help? You're supposed to be working, not looking after a sick child especially if you're at the hospital. I don't know any parent that can settle a sick baby and fully concentrate on their work at the same time.

4 days is a lot when you already work PT (you don't say 'how' PT) though. Your child has two parents. Your OH should be changing jobs to do his share of the sicks days.

My employer is very supportive and flexible but it usually involves as PP says quickly picking the child up, then having the other parent take over. If your partner works 2 hours away what time does he even get home for this to be a possibility?

Why are you one of only two people who are not allowed to work from home? That would be the issue to me. If others in the same position are allowed to work from home why can't you?

What does this mean - 'but I am ahead of my work calendar for this reason of being called away.'?

When DS was younger, DH and I shared any days off to look after him if he was poorly, and we both made sure that our workplaces knew that we were sharing these equally.