Held back, not sure what to do

[TheAquaMoose]

Since entering working World over 10 years ago, I've always felt held back by lack of confidence.

I was always very good academically, top of the class then went to top uni. This will sound arrogant but never really had to work too hard as breezed through exams etc. Maybe that made me a bit complacent and its the root of my issue.

Fast forward to working world and I ended up in a career by accident tbh that I probably wouldnt have chosen (comms/ marketing agency roles) and although I've always been good at technical parts of role like writing etc, I don't have the 'gift of the gab' and big confidence of others in the agency profession. I was told by boss last year that I don't have 'the hunger' of some of my colleagues.

Over the years I've seen countless people get ahead because they talk a lot and are confident but ability-wise there's not necessarily a massive difference between us. I've often been called out for my intelligence/ good technical work but it only gets you so far if you don't have confidence to match.

I've got a decent way up ladder now at current place but sometimes I wonder was it just right place, right time or noone better? As company has grown, new people have come on board. A colleague joined agency in my department last year and she's just fantastic, much better than I was in same role, there's no getting away from it.

She doesn't have some of the technical skills but she just comes across so confident and polished and is tenacious. It's just made me feel like I'm so lacking and I feel a bit crap to have ended up in profession where I'm not going to shine much.

I wouldn't want to retrain or anything now as would hate pay cut, but what to do? How can I improve confidence and shine more rather than fade into background?

I'm not being funny but can you fake it till you make it? Or, is there a sideways move you could make?

Join a female business networking group- go to an event or two and take it from there

I have worked in comms for years and I think agencies tend to attract more confident people, it’s the constant need to pitch / please clients etc I think. I don’t think it’s anything you’ve done wrong but maybe you might be happier in a client side role? Your decades of experience would surely make you a desirable hire for a nice organisation with a less pushy culture.

I made a sideways move a few years back and at first it was good but now I'm just completely overshadowed by new colleague who is much better than me.

Maybe I do just need to pretend I'm confident and adopt certain habits instead of second guessing myself the whole time.

You might not be an agency person. I'm not either. But I drive great value in-house and agency experience is brilliant for managing a workload effectively and getting the best out of agency.

I'd look in house but big company for an area of comms you like (digital, internal, media) as next move.

Yes, there's still the bullshit and the gift of the gab but project work pays off too.

Yes maybe you're right. I've wondered about a client side move.

I love pace of agency but I've seen so many bullshitters over the years who aren't that good at job that it makes you disillusioned.

Definitely go in-house (I’ve done both agency and client side at a relatively senior level).

As you move up the ladder in agency it becomes increasingly important to be a salespersons and team managet. In-house, technical skills and internal politics are more important.

Maybe try some career coaching?

Often the way we see ourselves is not the way others see us

I hate the idea of medicalising everything but I work in a similar environment with social anxiety. A low level SSRI - which I was actually taking for something else - was a game changer. I feel like I can talk the talk now and I’m not faking.

I know a pill isn’t always an answer but I’ve come on leaps and bounds professionally since.

I've wondered about this but how to find decent career coach?

I'm probably a bit harsh on myself but I feel like there's a bit of a barrier I need to break down somewhere

This is interesting. I think I have social anxiety too tbh and maybe it feeds into it.

I find I'm good at one on one calls with clients, but when a more talented colleague joins me, I seem to retreat and let them shine . It's almost a subconscious thing

Are you a member of CIM or CIPR? Both of those have mentoring programmes I think.

I would recommend the book “How Women Rise” … honestly it will be a revelation and I bet the answers lie within

http://www.howwomenrise.com/

I’d also recommend going in house. I’m a top performer in my in house comms role in a large global corporate and have been for years but the agency culture wouldn’t have suited me because I have terrible imposter syndrome and confidence issues.

It sounds like you are overvaluing expertise, which is common with academic high achievers. But top jobs always require managing and leading people who have expertise, not providing expertise yourself.

You’re more likely to get promoted because people know you and trust that
you could be contributing at a higher level…. Or you give that aura of confidence and authority in an interview situation if you’re not known to the employer.

And because you demonstrate
you’re ready for a challenge.

The book I linked above deals with this habit along with other typical female habits which hold them back (minimising yourself, ruminating, people pleasing).

My friend used this lady and only had lovely things to say about it: CareerTree Coaching https://g.co/kgs/rdFsGXq

Worth a try. I can def relate to how you feel but I try to remind myself that a strong team needs to be varied.

Thanks everyone, lots to think about and will have a look into all the recommendations