Important lecture 1 month after due date...what to do?

[Essie3]

Hi all,

I've been asked to give a seriously important, career-making lecture. I agreed immediately, because I couldn't afford not to really! However, it's around a month after my due date. They know this is the case, but can someone (preferably someone who has a baby, because I haven't got one...yet!) tell me whether I'm being mad in thinking I can do this? Am I completely deluded? Or is this possible? The lecture will be early evening, and it's in London. I actually live in Wales but we also have a house in London (with a cot in it now!). My husband will still be off on paternity leave then.

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Just make sure you write your notes/prepare before the baby comes!
You will probably be very tired around then and most women feel their brains arn't quite working as they should. If your husband is prepared to be very helpful/ensure you get some rest it could work.
Be aware that due dates are not that accurate and if you end up having an emergency c-section recovery is much longer.
Having said all that - go for it!

I'd be less worried about the being-away-from-the-baby aspect (because DH could bring the baby along and sit quietly at the back with it) than about the total-baby-brain aspect of it. If you can write the lecture well in advance of the birth, you might be OK. I doubt I would have been very impressive on the podium two to four weeks after DS's birth.

They know I'm having a baby, and gave me the latest possible date.
Lecture would be around an hour, then arrive a bit early (!) and could leave straight after.
Husband could hang around nearby with the baby!!
You're right - I'm in big trouble if my baby is late!!

I think it will be tough but probably doable, depending on what kind of birth you have. Some people are up and about and shopping the next day, other people are still hobbling or even still in hospital 3 weeks on, if they've suffered complications or an infection or if the baby is ill.

Hopefully none of this will happen but basically I think the answer is, it's impossible to know for sure how ready you will be.

Also as a quick aside, I realise this isn't what you were asking, but your employer should be aware that it's illegal for you to return to work less than 2 weeks after the birth of your baby. So if you were two weeks late, then induced, and the induction took a couple of days, it's possible that you might not be legally able to work. Have they got a plan worked out for this?

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I think you need a Plan B as well. As has been said, if you're late you might not be able to legally do it anyway - they need to take this into account. Also, what if you're hospitalised afterwards?

Gosh, this is really helpful, thanks guys! (It's my first ever post!)

I think my best contingency plan would be to have a backup - someone else to present it if I just don't feel up to it/am still in hospital/haven't slept for 2 weeks etc.

Theyoungvisiter - don't get me started. I lose my job shortly, and I can't speak to my boss without having a witness present now. That's a whole other post! But my get-out is that it's not actually for my employer at all, but for a learned society. They don't pay either.

*I've discovered as well that I'll be the first woman ever in the history of the Selden Society (legal history!) to give the annual lecture. I could put them off for another 100+ years!! Could be a bad blow for the feminist movement

if you write the lecture, can someone else give it. If all goes well you could attend to answer questions

Giving lectures on behalf of the original author has a long traidtion in learned societies - esp for women . I think that is an excellent alternative plan.

I really wouldn't accept. I did some work very soon after each birth, and I sometimes give lectures. but the thought of giving a lecture maybe only 2 weeks after birth (my babies tended to be late) sends shivers down my spine. You may not be able to sit down by then if you have infected stitches. Your breasts might be spurting and leaking uncontrollably. You may find your mind is utterly fried at the time. It just isn't worth it. Tell them you are having a baby that month but would love to do it another time.

It is NOT a blow to the feminist movement to not bein giving public lectures shortly after giving birth. Even feminists don't have to be post-natally superhuman.

Well done, you.

Go for it and don't worry too much. Use your maternity leave to plan it, and make sure you have the whole lecture finalised well before your due date - it certainly won't get finished afterwards.

I had to get involved in a big 'thing' when my first child was 10 days old, and again about 2 weeks after a C-Section with my second child (both involved loads of travel).

What you propose is do-able. You will no doubt panic beforehand and be exhausted afterwards, but I am sure you will be fine on the day.

I'm with Fennel. I had 3 sections and whilst I could easily do computer work etc a couple of weeks after the birth an important lecture? No. Once the baby's here and you know whether you have a sleepy relaxed baby or a frazzled manic one then you find out how manageable it is. Depends a lot on your birth as well and how much sleep you get. All unpredictable.

And this:

"(because DH could bring the baby along and sit quietly at the back with it)"

is a really bad idea. If you do it, DH stays well out the way back at the flat with some EBM (or FF whatever you're doing). Otherwise the baby will whimper and you will had bad bad bad milk stains

Mentally, for the first few days after the birth you will be on a high (I've always managed to get loads done in those first few days - usually finishing off work I hadn't finished before!). Then about day 4 you have an emotional slump for a few days.

I think that can vary too though. I was on a high for about 6 months after ds1 was born, I was an emotional mess after ds2 was born (he was pretty ill, ds1 was dxed with autism 2 weeks later) and I was absolutely bone tired, knackered more exhausted than I've ever been in my entire life after ds3 (I was also anaemic).

You definitely need a back up plan because until the baby's here you just don't know how you'll feel.

If you can get someone to read out your lecture if need be I think that's an excellent back up. But I really would put it properly in place before the birth iyswim.

I think it's important to acknowledge though that having a baby is a big deal. Physically and emotionally. I love my job and I skipped back to it at a stage when the other mothers were just staggering out of the house for the first time.

And I was utterly determined to not let having a baby stop me doing the things I used to do. I did work within the first week post-natal each time. With dd3 I took a conference call 6 HOURS post-natal. It was a mistake, I thought it was the midwife. And I am still angry at my work for calling me then.

And I finished an intensive sailing qualification 10 weeks after my first birth. It was exhausting and I spent a lot of time expressing milk in the loo while the instructor (teenage boy) looked vaguely disgusted. And I can't remember a thing I learned on that course.

But it should be acceptable to not focus on other things, I think. For a few weeks at least. That's not anti-feminist. You have the rest of your life to do those other things. There will be other opportunities to give important lectures.

Fennel, I'm with you in hazarding caution. If the baby's two weeks early, you may be fine to do it. If the baby's two weeks late ... well, I certainly couldn't have given a lecture at that point.

I had a so-called natural birth, but I tore both times (not spectacuarly, it's not that unusual). It was 10-14 days before I could walk even semi-normally for short distances, standing for more than a few minutes was a problem for a month (not sure if you'll lecture sitting down or not). I leaked milk pretty spectacularly, and beyond the coping powers of breast pads for the first month.

So physically alone it would be tough, never mind mentally focussing on what sounds to be a very important lecture for you.

If you are going to do it you need it ALL written well in advance of the birth, you need all your clothes and other stuff sorted out (it's your first baby so you may be back in normal gear, but equally maybe not, so have some options). And you need a backup plan for what happens if you're physically not up to it.

Good luck!

gosh sounds very ambitious to me and bear in mind that most first babies come late so it might be only 2 weeks post-birth. I imagine you won't care about the lecture at that early stage and the thought of it might really stress you out (I find I am always a bit stressed for the first few weeks post-birth but maybe that is just me?)

But then again it would be awful to turn down such an amazing opportunity..

I suppose all you can do is prepare it very thoroughly, find a good alternative speaker in case you need them and realise that you might well need them.

Very good luck to you!

you need a back up plan cos you just don't know. you could get pnd and be in no fit state to give a lecture. what i would do is have dh nearby with baby. feed right before the lecture so hopefully the baby wouldn't need feeding again but express some milk just incase. it can then be given in either a bottle or a cup.

If you're a bounce up and at it after birth lucky person, you'll be fine; if it doesn't go so well, it could be difficult. If you have any kind of scarring (not trying to scare you, just being realistic - lots of women do) from either a tear or a C-section, you might find it painful to travel or indeed stand (may need to sit to give your lecture which might affect your confidence: plan ahead for that)

If you're breastfeeding, early evening can often be the worse possible time to do anything: baby will be cranky cos milk supply often less then and maybe cluster feeding more than normal - every hour sometimes so could be hard work. If you can manage to express a bit and get baby to take it from a cup your DH could be somewhere else entirely but will also be hard work to express enough by 2 weeks in. You might also be utterly sleepless and exhausted.

Not trying to put you off and will probably be much easier than we're all saying but I had c-sections and TBH couldn't really leave house for first two weeks, let alone travel, lecture etc..

Would it be career destroying not to do it? Could it be put off till next year? Could you ask to do it remotely - eg by webcam/videolink from home (get the society to use this as PR on their green/family friendly credentials: they might go for this) to at least save all the travelling? Have a bit of a think to ask what it would do to your career if it didn't go well for whatever reason.

I think having someone else give it might work but will you have to be there anyway?

Actually that just gave me another idea: you could record a version before the birth when you're compos mentis: get a professional video person to do it perhaps... And then you'd at least have an electronic version to use if you didn't feel up to it, and you could still be available - either remotely or in person to answer questions afterwards?

Blimey Essie, I think this is a very ambitious idea for all the reasons mentioned. Childbirth and new motherhood is physically, emotionally and intellectually draining. And impossible to timetable. I think the learned society is mad, frankly. Have none of these people got children?!

Merely travelling from Wales to London could be very, very hard if you are only two or even one and a half weeks post-partum. Or have stitches and can't sit down for long. Or are recovering from a C-section ? it's major surgery. Or if, God forbid, your baby is in special care. (Even if it's all OK, you need to sort out places you can stop en route if baby is crying and/or needs feeding or changing.)

If I was in your shoes, given this is such a big deal and great opportunity, I would write the the lecture and prepare powerpoint slides and handouts NOW. And have someone in place who can deliver the lecture if you can't - someone who can deliver your presentation with verve and will make jolly sure you get the credit. And who will seriously block out this time in their diary and make damn sure they are there.

It's just impossible to know in advance how physically, emotionally and intellectually fit you will be six to two weeks after giving birth. (Assuming you have a normal duration of pregnancy... it's 38 to 42 weeks, the 'due date' is just a guess and IIRC the vast majority of babies do NOT turn up on that date. First pregnancies tend to be longer, btw).

Ooh, I like Monkeybird's idea of a video recording in advance... perhaps with your alternative presenter there on the day to handle questions (using notes you've prepared in advance -get someone who is a typical audience member to suggest likely questions)

she wouldn't have to express that much though if the lecture's only an hour long and she made sure she fed the baby right before she started it.

well done for being asked to do the lecture! can really understand you wanting to do it and you may well feel up to it, but if your baby is late, as others have said, you may well feel like its the last thing you want to do. 2 weeks post birth i could hardly sit down from the stitches, was leaking milk everywhere (if you do it, make sure you express then wear VERY GOOD breast pads!!) and kept crying - sometimes from joy, sometimes from pain, sometimes from despair.. it is possible but i think a back up plan/video delivery is ESSENTIAL - you really don't want to spend the first precious weeks with your LO worrying about having to give this lecture if you really don't feel like it, do you?? Its such a precious time and it goes v quickly.. All the best