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How can I help my colleague - nervous laughter

9 replies

PurpleSky300 · 29/02/2024 21:33

So, my colleague is a really nice person - very friendly, very kind-hearted.

Here's the issue. Sometimes she comes across in a way that is inappropriate, without meaning to. She laughs a nervous, shaky laugh nearly all the time. She laughs in serious situations, in meetings, whenever someone makes eye contact, whenever she trails off in a sentence. And it's not a mirthful kind of laugh, she looks wide-eyed, frozen, even tearful, when she's doing it and you can sense that some people just don't know what to make of it or they think she's strange. It's like some kind of anxious impulse.

I know, from conversations with her, that she experienced abuse when she was a child and has been laughing like this ever since then. But obviously I can't say that to someone who doesn't understand, and I don't really want to bring it up with her because she obviously knows and finds it embarrassing enough. I just wish more people understood and didn't constantly get the wrong end of the stick. If someone brings it up I usually just say "I think it's a nervous thing" and leave it there but people aren't satisfied. I just wish I knew how to help.

OP posts:
BallyA · 29/02/2024 21:36

She needs a coach if she would be receptive to that

I work with someone who got coaching for saying um and erm all the bloody time!

idontlikealdi · 29/02/2024 21:48

Are you a manager or in a mentoring role?

Estellaa · 29/02/2024 21:52

idontlikealdi · 29/02/2024 21:48

Are you a manager or in a mentoring role?

Why? Why cant she just be her friend and want to help her?

Jesus.

olympicsrock · 29/02/2024 21:59

I think OP is being kind and wants to help a friend/ colleague who is struggling …

workoholic · 02/03/2024 01:13

I have a nervous laugh, and its more annoying for the person who has it. More you focus on it more you laugh too. I've been doing it for years, and now its a habit you can't stop.

EBearhug · 02/03/2024 09:45

You can learn not to do these things, like the um and er example, but it can take time and needs someone who can point it out in the background. Can she stop when she's aware of it? Being aware as it happens is going to be key to be able to reduce it. But as she goes through that process, she'll probably be very self conscious about it to start with, and it will feel like things are getting worse before they get better.

EBearhug · 02/03/2024 09:49

For stopping ums and ers, I learned to take a breath instead. The purpose of umming is giving yourself a little thinking space, usually- just pausing sounds much better, even though it's doing the same thing, giving you a little space. I guess the laugh is protecting her in some way, so she needs to find something unobtrusive to replace it with.

Turtlerunner · 02/03/2024 09:51

What a kind & thoughtful colleague you are OP. Does your company offer an EAP programme? This is something that can be addressed through counselling.

Camelliugh · 02/03/2024 19:06

Why is it your business? What’s with the over concerned posts about colleagues on here lately. Kind of gives off stalker vibes to be in your colleagues business this much.

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