Coaching - intense, visualisations, is this normal?

[Dayatatime208]

I've started having some coaching to help me get clarity on how I can develop my work skillset, and evolve my career. I had my first two hour discovery session on Monday. It was incredibly intense, with visualisations, studying and reflecting back my body language all the time, and oracle cards. I felt very uncomfortable. I felt during the visualisation in particular that she was pushing me too much. Kept asking what colour the feeling was, where it was, what it looked like, and I made stuff up as I didn't know but felt I had to say something. I was told I laugh as a defence mechanism and to consider what I'm hiding. I wasn't aware I was doing that and now feel self-conscious. It didn't feel like a boost to my self-esteem. Anyway, it was all too much and I told her at the end I wasn't sure it's for me (got five more hours booked) but she didn't seem to understand how heavy and deeply personal it all felt. Is this normal for coaching? It felt like the most intense therapy session I've ever had and it's taken me days to recover.

This sounds like a very spiritual energy based exploration that is entirely different to a skills / career based coach. There may well be space for both but it sounds like this is not what you are looking for.

Did the coach explain their approach before you booked? If it was a discovery session, can you cancel the subsequent sessions?

It does not sound like the coach has understood what you want from coaching or has been able to interpret your body language and defense responses.

While this kind of spiritual exploration may be of interest to some people, it is unusual in career coaching.

@ChateauMargaux slightly awkwardly, this coach works at my company so I'm a bit nervous about cancelling future sessions. But this one def made me uncomfortable. I knew she was relatively into spiritual stuff, but I thought it'd be more career focused as I told her that I was looking to expand my work skillset and that's why i was seeking coaching. I felt annoyed by her analysis of my body language to be honest. I don't think she 'got me' really. I'm not really sure what to do as by cancelling future sessions, she'll be offended, so thinking of continuing but saying to her that I want a lighter, more practical approach. It left a bad taste which was a shame. Wish I'd never signed up but I thought because she knows my work role she might be a great place to start.

It doesn't sound like my style, and if I were going for careers coaching, it's not what I'd be expecting - more things like thinking about your values, what's important to you in a job (e.g. money, hours, flexibility, recognition, etc,) what your skills are, does your CV suggest you can do the sort of jobs you want, etc.

I probably wouldn't have asked what style careers coaching would be, because I have expectations about what it would be like, whereas when I went for personal counselling, I look more closely at the styles and specialisms offered by therapists, because I know some wouldn't suit me.

I can totally appreciate the feelings of awkwardness but I think you need to put that aside and not put yourself through an experience that was awkward and not what you wanted in order to avoid feeling awkward... either way.. awkward.. one where you can hide behind an email and not have to sit through more hours of making up the colour your feelings (which.. can work for some people in certain circumstances.. just not this one!)

Take the leap....

Thank you for your time.. the session was interesting but I am looking for a more task based approach so I do not wish to carry on with the subsequent sessions.

I am grateful that the first session was a discovery one which allowed me to explore your offering. I will however keep you in mind in the future.

Please confirm the cancellation of the appointments on x y and z dates.

Sure
y the point of a discovery session is to see if you gel? I don’t understand why you had a lot of further hours booked in before the “discovery”. Coaching is intensely personal and you need a right match imo.

it is an unregulated profession and there are more charlatans then good ones

also how come do you have 5 more sessions?

the discovery session is supposed to be a taster to help you decide if you want to continue

2 hours is also far too long in my opinion

From your follow up replies it seems like you have difficulty saying no to people and honouring your feelings and wants…
Maybe one of the take away frim this session is learning just to do that and not going back to something that feels uncomfortable

Also a good coach will explain about whatever tool they want to use and ask for permission first

I echo that the coach should give you an opportunity to see if their approach appeals to you and also should step into techniques by explaining them and inviting you to try them.. personal chemistry is important in this business.. it is not school or medical care where you have to take what you are given and do as you are told.

Be brave ..

No, this is not the normal style for coaching. A discovery session is normally 30 mins to an hour and some coaches and some coaches choose not to do a discovery session. You need to have a good rapport with your coach and you will not get the best from the sessions if you are feeling awkward and not relaxed. A coach is there to support you but not to give opinions. A mentor/counsellor can give advice and opinions.

As another PP mentioned, the intake session is also to find out if you are suited to each other. I would say to the coach that you do not want to continue.

No not normal.

Not a normal approach to coaching. Like the violin teacher who said no at the first lesson, you would be wise to say politely that this relationship is not for you.

Whatever you do, don’t sit through 5 more hours of it. Just make an excuse if you can’t face telling her you didn’t like it.