husband and I have been talking through work options as I’ve been really struggling with my mental health lately and the overwhelming cause is work and feeling dragged in a million different directions as im sure many can relate to. I’ve been self employed for 6 years and DD is now 4 and in nursery and instead of feeling easier it somehow feels harder. Her behaviour is really challenging sometimes, honestly I think a lot of it is down to us rushing around and struggling to be present with her and my mum minding her after nursery letting her do literally anything she wants and childcare wouldn’t be worth the cost as my wage would be negligible after paying it.
Last week I had a huge meltdown and have decided to go back on antidepressants for now. I’ve cancelled my next few weeks of clients in work and I already feel such a huge relief, I’m actually clear and able to think and enjoy time with my daughter and she seems so much more level already probably cause she feels I’m not going a million miles an hour.
I honestly hate and resent my job now and have done for a couple of years, DH wants me to drastically cut back to 2 days a week and hopefully all together as he is very career driven and pushing on with his family business, his grievance is he feels limited in what he can do to push his business as he’s constantly worrying about how I’m coping as he knows I really struggle to balance everything and he is amazing in regards pulling his weight to housework etc so I constantly feel I’m failing, his argument is he wouldn’t have to worry about any of that and I would feel I could stay on top of the things I cared about like spending time with my daughter and being a present spouse.
I also have applied to go back to study one day a week from September (provided I get in) to do what I initially had planned before ending up in the industry I’m in.
Financially we will manage without me working but we will definitely be restricted so I’m not sure what to do whether to suck it up and do two days in the job I hate or whether to come out completely and devote more time to studying if I get into this course.
I’m torn for a variety of reasons, like becoming essentially a dependent and feeling like the pressure is all on my husband which he insists he is happy to do if it means I can recover myself and am happy again. Has anyone been through similar and got an advice?
Thanks for reading