Off sick - guilt - mentions suicidal thoughts

[nc1011]

I'm quite seriously ill at the moment with mental health (severe depression and anxiety, struggling to get out of bed, losing a lot of weight from lack of appetite, can't concentrate on anything and constantly thinking about suicide). I'm not managing to leave the house much and have been referred to the community mental health team, which might take up to 18 weeks. Whilst I've not been this ill for the best part of a decade, I've previously needed extensive crisis team involvement and got close to hospitalisation so am aware of how bad things can become.

I've been off work for 2 weeks now and just signed off for 2 weeks more. I feel horribly guilty and like I'm letting everyone down - I'm meant to have an important deadline for the end of March and now looks like I won't even be there for half the time. I've communicated this clearly to my line manager, given her my sick note and have set up my emails to auto-respond, but this really is all I can manage right now.

I know in myself that I'm far too ill to work right now, but also feel awful and wonder if my relationship with my line manager or colleagues will suffer from this. Does anyone have any advice to stop beating myself up? Or how to repair any relationships when I return to work?

It’s just work. That’s it.

If something happened to you they’d replace you almost immediately.

You and your health are far, far more important. Please try and focus on your recovery, work will manage and put things in place to cover your absence but really all that matters right now is you x

I'm really sorry to hear you are going through a tough time.

I had a period of long term sick leave and struggled with the guilt of leaving everyone in the lurch, but ultimately you can't get better unless you prioritise your health. You will be a there employee if you take the time to completely switch off and recover so, when ready, you can go back to work.

It's just a job, someone else will pick up what needs to be done. They won't do it your well or as well as you would but they'll do the minimum required, it's no longer your problem at this point in time.

Does your employer have an employee assistance plan? If so you should be able to access mental health support through them, I did this when I was off sick as it was much quicker than nhs referral.

If they are good people then it won't impact the relationship at all. If they aren't, we'll then it doesn't matter anyway.

I received a fit note from my employee today, she will be off for a month minimum, likely more. I feel nothing other than well wishes for her.

Keep on focusing on steps that make you feel a little better. Well done for recognising that you needed to stop.

It's your illness making you worry OP. I guarantee everyone just wants you to get better. Take care

Yes, this. It’s just a job. All it does is pay your bills. There’s sick pay for a reason so you are more than entitled to be off unwell. Focus on you and getting better. Hopefully there is somewhere else you can get help sooner, 18 weeks is horrendous

It's just work. You are much, much more important.

Have you tried ringing the Samaritans? 116 123

They can help, listening and helping you to get though this time.

Take care 💐

Your manager and colleagues will want you to get well again. Focus on that and everything else will fall into place.
Take the time you need to recover and I hope you feel better soon

Thank you so much everyone, I really appreciate every message here. You've all helped me feel a bit less worried about the work side of things and I had my best day for a while today.

That’s really great to hear OP, I hope it continues x

Hope you feel better soon OP. You can’t help being unwell.

If work is that stressful you might find your colleagues have all found new jobs by the time you return anyway! That’s what happened in one of my workplaces - we were all so overworked from covering people off on indeterminate sick leave (we had a hiring freeze), the entire team quit including the management. We didn’t blame the sick people, it’s hardly their fault they become unwell. I hope HR got the message and found ways to properly support the people returning from sick leave but I confess I never stayed in touch.

Ah it's a job. You are ill, no different to if you'd done something physical that resulted in long period off. Don't feel guilty for it, your health is far more important and your colleagues would think that too. I hope you get better soon.

I was admitted to hospital unexpectedly quite recently and was subsequently off work for a number of weeks.

I had nothing but well wishes from work (plus two large bouquets and a fruit basket!).