Depression in work and lack of support

[Serenade]

I work for a large company- fully remote for the last 2 years(made redundant after many years of service) I was so pleased and grateful to get this job as job hunting was a nightmare and being 50+ the amount of rejections were unreal.

So got this job, and straight away became aware how useless HR was and the managers very hands off and cliquey with certain members in team(friends out of work and it shows)
This is now my third manager in the company and unssupportive is not the word, 1 to 1's non existent and when we i do ask for support it is usually a "leave it with me" and nothing happens, i was very reluctant to go to HR as when i struggled in my previous role (not as advertised)HR's response was - keep an eye out for other roles - annoying as i know of a few instances were people moved into roles that are not advertised.

So i have just kept going, what makes it worse is the team I have to have to deal with in another department are so unhelpful, unresponsive and i am made to feel like a nuisance, and the manager is a known bully and has been really scarcastic and blunt with me.

So i made a complaint to my manager and had a meeting with HR, they listened to my concerns especially when i said it was making me so depressed and half addressed the issues and then it has just been left, i have had to keep asking for updates and pushing for response, the manager knowing i am depressed and hanging on does not even check in with me!

I decided i could not cope any longer and have signed myself off by email as it is fully remote , and due to see GP next week, just so unsure what to do next as really don't want to talk to manager or HR person dealing with this as I have no trust - just not sure if i can ask that it is dealt with my other people(and if they will be any better) - i am also concerned as feel i am going to explode and be very rude , and then they will have a reason to dismiss me because i have lost my patience with them.

Please help :(

It isn't the way that I would manage but....

I am not clear what you want from this, because it honestly sounds like "get another job" is the answer; and I am not sure why you aren't looking if you are so unhappy. Signing yourself off and refusing to enage with them isn't really an answer.

So could you please explain exactly what it is that you are complaining about and what your expectations are with regard to those complaints. For example - I personally agree with you that staff need 121 time - but your manager clearly doesn't. Is there a requirement for 121's? Because if not then you might want them, they mighht be broadly considered good practice, but you can't insist on them. Equally - they addressed half the issues? Are you being reasonable in expecting them to go your way on all of them?

I'm not criticising - I am trying to understand. Because being unhappy or depressed in your role isn't good for you, but to change that it needs to be clearer about what you want, whether you will get it; or whether this job simply doesn't meet your expectations. Being off sick doesn't solve problems - as you will find, it often makes them worse because you already don't want to talk to your manager, you don't want to talk to the HR person, and soon you won't want to go back at all. And the longer you stay off sick the harder it is to find a solution / get another job.

Thanks for the reply, I have been looking for other jobs for the last 6 months, it is a lot tougher once you get over 50, I agree it is not the company for me but need to stick it until i can find another job sadly.

with the 1-2-1's the whole company does them(large corporate company), it appears to be company policy but my manager just cancels them. makes up excuses and even issues i have raised just go no where.

HR have addressed some issues in a half hearted attempt, but the ones they have left there is just no update or they have not come back to say what the progress is. Even the last email HR started with "it's been a few weeks" that is a lot of time when one your employees has said they are really upset - i have literally been left.

I did'nt take the decision to just go off sick, i have just can't stop crying can't sleep or focus and feel i have been let down and nobody(HR or manager) has checked up to see how I am doing despite saying I feel undervalued and and getting really anxious - i just had to shut my laptop down and decide not to work.

My worry is having to deal with the Manager and HR who i don't feel understand mental health at all, I would rather speak to a welfare contact(if that is the word)
I just feel so angry and irritable I worry about saying something i should not and loosing my job - I am not an irrational person but i dont even recognise myself anymore

When I was miserable at work but couldn’t find a new job (not always easy to get pay/location/hours that suit) I survived by reminding myself I wasn’t in any performance review (despite bullying colleagues putting me down constantly to suit their own agenda) and I just had to be there 9-5, did no more than I was paid for and lived for evenings and weekends (and the money) letting all the shit just slide off me.

It took time to get to that point but it was making me ill and I couldn’t stop crying (I’m not actually a crier). Something had to change and my efforts with my manager and HR failed so I took control of my mindset and stopped trying so hard.

My role in the team has changed due to restructuring but I still work with the same people. Interestingly, those who witnessed it all but didn’t then know me well enough to have my back have since spoken up and praised how maturely I managed it and how bad it looked in the bullies. (To be fair, they didn’t see me ugly crying in the office corridor in front of an exec director 🙈😩).

hold your head high op and if they think you’re a bother for doing your job just pretend not to notice and keep going. Hope you find a new job soon xx

Honestly op. It's not the right role for you. I'm always a bit concerned when people say hr are rubbish, my managers are all rubbish and the company and team are rubbish. Sometimes you think maybe it's you that's not a fit and that's totally fine. Keep your head up and find something else. It does sound like your face is never going to fit in this particular company.

Access to work offer support with issues where work is affecting your mental health. It's free, so there's no harm in speaking to them.

https://atw.maximusuk.co.uk/

I’m also slightly confused about what you think is wrong and what the company should do about it. Eg, if you are off sick, the company should not be contacting you to see how you are, but you seem to think they should be.

I am in a similarly unsupportive environment, it’s tough. I think working from home/remotely makes it so so much worse.

I don’t have any magic ideas but you have my sympathy. Getting a new job is probably the only answer but it’s so much easier said than done.

I'm a bit confused what you want OP

Perhaps a chat off the record with the wonderful ACAS will help?
Read them up and see how it goes.

I’m a bit confused about what you mean by depression, and whether this is actually depression (as in diagnosed clinical depression) or feeling (understandably) fed-up with your work situation?
It concerns me when people over-pathologies every emotion…. It’s horrible having a stressful time at work & your manager being unsupportive (so you have my absolute sympathy) but I don’t think it’s probably very helpful muddying the waters by using the term ‘depression’ to mean ‘distressed at this situation’.

Im in a similar position to you at work at the moment, and happen to (separately) have bipolar disorder. I’m careful to delineate between what is work-related distress (which work are responsible for) and my own MH condition (which is not really relevant).

Pacifybull · Today 23:30

I’m also slightly confused about what you think is wrong and what the company should do about it. Eg, if you are off sick, the company should not be contacting you to see how you are, but you seem to think they should be.

Most half-decent absence policies will suggest that a manager keeps in contact with an employee particularly if absence due to work-related stress.

@Serenade does your organisation have counselling as part of an Employee Assistance programme? It would be worth availing of it if so.

You could make a formal complaint but they're time consuming, stressful and not always very satisfactory in terms of outcome.

It sounds like this employer just isn't a good fit for you. I hope you manage to find a more suitable role soon x

I am still not entirely clear exactly what your complaints and expectations are, or what you realistically think could change. For example - the one thing you have mentioned is 121s. So your manager starts doing monthly 121s with you. Will that provide you with more support, because from what you he said, it doesn't sound like it. You say that the issues you raise go nowhere. But that doesn't provide us with "what kind of issues?" or "what do you realistically think will happen?"

I doubt, however, that there is going to be a resolution that works for you here. In two years you have had three managers, you say you knew HR were useless from the start - even if everything is down to the employers failures, I don't see a solution. Stay off sick? That won't work. New manager? How is a fourth going to improve? It just seems that it's going to be a treadwheel that comes around again and again.

In the short term, you could ask for an occupational health referal. That might provide some direction. But in the end I do think that you and the company aren't a good fit and you must either find a new job quickly or you need to learn not to care. In the end, if you just do the job and have no expectations, you might be happier.

A lot of employees make the mistake of thinking a shit employer should change for them. Employers are under no obligation whatsoever to do this as long as they are acting lawfully.

I saw this a lot, employees going off with work related stress when they really meant "i don't like working here but they won't change and that upsets me".

You've got to help yourself here and leave if you don't like it.

I'm not quite sure which of two different problems you have.
Is it that you have depression and need some support with that in order to perform your job role (ie managers are failing to make reasonable adjustments, etc, in the light of your illness)?
Or is it that you have difficult work relations that are causing you to become depressed/stressed/etc (ie managers are failing more generally to create a functioning work environment)?
And whichever of those two difficulties you have, what is it (in concrete practical terms) that you need from them?

If you're unable to continue working then you should definitely get signed off.

However - and I am trying to say this gently as I appreciate you aren't in a good place - if you have had issues with all three line managers then either the company is toxic or it's a you thing.

It is entirely possible the company is toxic, in which case you won't get anything useful from HR and your best bet is to get out. You may find the job market is different from how you found it previously.

@rookiemere if you have had issues with all three line managers then either the company is toxic or it's a you thing.

Or, to be balanced, it can be both. It's a nice soundbite to say that a company culture is "toxic", but what it often means is that it is a mismatch with the individual. One set of people will thrive in an environment that others describe as "toxic". If everyone, or the vast majority, find the workplace toxic, then there is something to question in the companies approach because it usually results in high turnover and that leads to poor outcomes for the company. Few companies are happy with that scenario. But @Megifer has a point - if they are that bad and don't care, they won't change for anyone.

Yes @Neriah you're right, it's probably a mixture of both

It would be helpful to know what the issues actually are, and what you think can be done to resolve them? If you have one to ones, what issues would you want to discuss, and what solutions would you want?