Lost my mojo after restructuring and not getting promotion

[Nothavingfunrightnow]

I've been at my firm for 12 years and have been very happy if sometimes stressed. We have had a restructuring, and a promotion post was available for me. I applied but didn't get it. I'm still in more or less the same role I was before, so I've not actually lost anything other than interest in my work! I'm genuinely upset about not getting the promotion and I just cannot be fucking bothered about anything.

Moving elsewhere is a possibility, but I'm 59, and I really don't fancy being the new person in a new workplace.

I'm not sure what I'm asking, tbh. Maybe, how do I get my oomph back? I have not expressed my disappointment to my line manager because I was bordering on being tearful. She asked me 3 times if I was happy knowing I'd been turned down for the promotion role. I said yes, I was very happy.

Where do I go from here? I just cannot give a flying fuck about anything right now.

You need to gather your thoughts and have an honest conversation with your line manager. Other opportunities will inevitably open up in the year after a restructure so having the conversation and picking up some development activities will help you be best placed to take advantage of those. How you motivate yourself for that, I guess fake it to make it?

I agree that you should have a conversation with your manager. It sounds as if she was anticipating that you might want to discuss the outcome of the promotion and is now waiting for you to respond.

Will other promotions come up? Do you know why you didn't get this one? Can you use the feedback to position yourself for the next one?

It's going to take a while to get back on track - don't expect to bounce back from this in a few days, it's going to feel like a great big kick in the teeth right now and it's absolutely fine to mentally stick a middle finger up to everyone who played a part in this. Go easy on yourself. Perhaps you won't bounce back and perhaps this is the time to move on and do something different? This might be fate pointing you down a different route - don't close yourself off any possibility.

I'm reluctant to tell my line manager precisely how upset I am because it hit me harder than I thought it would.

Once I calm down, I'll do so. In the meantime, I'll update my cv and get it out to recruitment agencies.

Thanks very much for the replies.

@Nothavingfunrightnow I assume you found out today. Your reaction is perfectly normal and my advice is to take the weekend to grieve the lost opportunity - you will have been imagining getting the job and suddenly realty hits. You will go through a mini grief cycle of denial - anger-bargaining-depression-acceptance.

Go in to work on Monday and see it as a fresh start. The restructure and promotion opportunity were not necessarily part of your plans. Take control and work out what you want, what are your career and personal goals? Use the National Career Service https://nationalcareers.service.gov.uk/ - you are never too old to use the available tools.

You are 59, realistically retirement planning should be on your radar even if it’s only from the perspective of what your pensions are worth. Do you want one or two more steps on the career ladder or are you actually thinking how to transition into retirement?

You've been there 12 years, you are happy although occasionally stressed, and 59 years old. A new employer will take 2 years to get employment protection; and if redundancy came along, very little, if any, redundancy pay. Promotion almost certainly begins more stress. A new employment the same, but you may not be as happy.

I'm not saying any of that will happen. But it's the other side of the coin. You might get a new job, a new employer, and be deliriously happy. But not necessarily.

So once the disappointment is over, perhaps your first stop in planning the next stage is why do you want to get promoted? Do you need the seniority? The pay? The recognition? Will it make you happier? Because there are other questions too... You are getting closer to retirement, so do you want to be working hard all the way there? Maybe that work-life balance ought to be more life and less work? Would "coasting" happily to retirement over the next few years let you do things that you'd never got around to? Is there a bucket list that needs polishing?

Take some time for yourself, and work out what the next few years should look like before making any rushed decisions.

What are your retirement plans? There is a big difference between hanging on for a year until 60 and having to wait until 67. I'm in a similar situation and am aware that I have mentally checked out until I retire in 2 years time.

Start quiet quitting, it’s great.

Same happened to me a few years back - similar age to you. Three applicants, one my age who'd acted up at the grade, me who'd done a large portion of the role for nearly a year but didn't get paid for it, and a 28 year old. I was by far the most highly educated, with years of experience. And surprise surprise, the 28 year old got it. It was an awful punch in the stomach. I pretty much checked out mentally after that. I'm making the situation work for me.

Commiseration OP, similar happened to me before. On reflection, it hit me hard because I thought I was a shoo-in. Not in an arrogant, way, but simply because like @adriftinadenofvipers I'd been doing most of the role already. It wouldn't have been so hard it if it was just any other job, or a 'stretch' role iyswim.

Reflect on the reasons for your disappointment, as a PP said take time to 'grieve' instead of trying to bounce straight back to 100%. But also, don't make any rash decisions!

You're very close to retirement, fine to gun for the big step up, but equally fine if not! Doing your job to an acceptable standard is OK despite what we've been conditioned to think. We don't always have to be looking for the next step, there's more to life than work.

It honestly doesn't matter whether you give a fig. You just perform adequately. That's all.

Commiserations. I went for a promotion 3 weeks ago and didn't get it. I was more relieved than you sound, but i was disappointed as well. I've found it hard to get my head in the game since.

Dull advice but I'd just give yourself time. You've been there a long time, you were happy before. Don't rush anything. How about booking some leave and taking a few long lunch breaks? Basically the quiet quitting advice above, but temporarily.

I think saying you are very happy probably isn't going to do you any favours because no one knows u are considering leaving....... if they knew this was making you unhappy they might try and help you progress.

@workoholic, thank you for the suggestion but unfortunately my place of work has let more people with talent and ability than I have, leave. My age is against me, and part of me is too tired to give a shit.

It is best to look elsewhere if you are unhappy. As you have said others have left because of this. Things are unlikely to change.

Yeah - most workplaces are the same really, but they do tend to look after those they don't want to leave if they think it's a real threat. Acting like a 'walkover' won't get you what you want as they will sit in a room and say "she doesn't care anyway" or "she wont leave either way".
It's likely you didn't get the promotion because you are good at the position you are in and they cba to replace someone to fill that job and doubt you will leave so why create themselves more hassle?
You either need to plod until retirement, or speak up. Or leave and never know if you could have changed things.

Thank you very much for all the replies. I've calmed down (as I knew I would) and told my line manager I was disappointed. She was decent about it, and we talked about future progression. I am not assuming it will happen, but at least I don't feel like I'm sulking anymore. My pension pot is dire (bad choices I've made along the way), so I need to work for as long as possible, earning as much as possible, which contributed to my disappointment.

I appreciate everyone's guidance and support a great deal. Thank you.