Irrationally angry

[wallybobs]

Any tips as I'm sure so many people have been in this position.

I saw a job today within my company that had I not had 2 maternity leaves back to back would have been perfect for me and highly paid. I've lost my useful skills and contacts within my organisation over the last few years. My boss was fab when I returned and made a new role for me however it's part time (at my request) and pretty low paid. It works around childcare perfectly and is 3 days at home with 2 in the office. It's very dull though and feels like I'm not making a difference. I'm still grateful for the opportunity and want to stay with the company. It's clear though that I have zero seniority any more.

My old role was in management and I felt like I made a difference to people. Plus I was knowledgeable and respected. Since the kids I'm just mush, I retain sod all info and feel like I'm only half in it. I no longer have to speak to different departments - most have new people since covid who I haven't even met. I feel like an imposter in any meetings with management whereas before I'd speak up and know my stuff.

Childcare would be an issue even if I still had the skills to even apply, I just can't go full time, the kids are in reception and year 1 and I was happy to be able to work around this but I have a sudden need for more. I'm also permanently skint but I've increased my hours as much as I can and any more will be taken up with after school club costs so is pointless. I know not to bother trying.

It's just awoken something in me that actually I want more than I'm doing. But I also don't want to regret not coasting for a few more years while the kids are little. I was never a career woman in my mind but now I'm definitely not one at all I feel a bit worthless. I'm 100% the default parent at home and this is not going to change no matter what I do.

Has anyone been here before? What did you do? I feel stuck and seem to need someone to tell me what to do 😂

@wallybobs it's an impossible situation. I went back to my great job after maternity and got made redundant 4 months later due to my 'situation at home'. Turns out being a single mum and having a career don't mix.

I now work full time for less than I was getting for 4 days 😏

If I were you I would enjoy coasting for a bit, enjoy that time with your kids, you'll never get it back. Climbing the career ladder and being the default parent is a tough gigg and from my experience not many employers give you the chance. You basically have to appear as though you don't have them and network like hell. You're obviously smart, thanks to the powers that be you'll have until your 71 to build a career 😂

How are you part time yet “3 days at home and 2 in the office”?

Are you finishing every day at 3 to do school run?

To be honest if you are going to be part time you are better off with having at least one complete non-working day per week. Otherwise people just see you as a full timer who clocks off early.

I was 3 days a week for a couple of years after mat leave, then I was headhunted for a new job that was 4 days and almost took it. Ended up staying at the original employer but getting them to match the hours and salary of the competitor job. It was a wake up call for me in terms of my value to the organisation and that sort of spurred me on to go back up a gear from “job” to “career”.
Does your employer do social events that could allow you to start to expand your internal networks again?

I’s also recommend arranging with your partner so that you have at least one day a week when you can stay and work as late as you want/need to and potentially arrange something social with a colleague.

It’s the life you have chosen. Your children won’t be young for long and you can prioritise you.

I paused my career while by child was very young, I was lucky to be able to just go part time in the job I had as it lent it self well to PT hours and don't mean anyone else in the team had to work any harder to compensate. Although I loved spending time with my child, I also found myself feeling frustrated at times for the same reason you describe - jobs coming up I just couldn't do for logistical reasons (overnight stays required, location of office etc).

Once my DD went to school I started thinking about what I could do to prepare myself to move on when the time was right, which for me meant volunteering at school and becoming a governor to build current leadership experience. Then I started applying for new roles PT at first and now FT as the child logistics have changed over time, and I've built my career quite quickly beyond the point I ever thought I would.

I think it's so easy to get frustrated like you are, if you can put the energy into positive steps like training, development, career planning that will help you feel better about the situation.

Thanks everyone for your advice. I'm p/t hours but over 5 days - pretty much school hours - to be paid as much as I can be without also paying for after school care. I did have a day off in the week but just wanted to earn more. I do miss that day though! I'm really glad I get to attend school events etc and having a good relationship with the other school parents is helping with socialising too. If I were full time I'd probably miss this aspect but the grass is always greener!

I'm going to tackle this positively, use my time to brush up on things I've forgotten and maybe even go into the office more each week so I can meet more people face to face. It's quite a secluded job which chains me to my desk so to speak. My last mat leave ended just as went into lock down which was both great and awful timing.

I'll have a chat with my manager in my next review to see if there is anything I can do in addition to my role to brush up on my presenting skills that have very much been lost.

I'm at a point where I'm just missing my old life a bit I think which I really need to get over.