Please be gentle if you can…

[CutiePatooties]

I’m going through a lot at the moment, including being made homeless so just asking for gentle responses please, as not sure I can take a rollicking.

I’m a part-time teacher and I have BPD. I did come on here to say I went into work, got overwhelmed and walked out (this was 7.30am no children there until 8.45am). I’ve been signed off since and just had a virtual return to work meeting where the headteacher has told me she reported me walking out to the LADO. The LADO opened a case and asked for a risk assessment to be put in place (basically an adult has to be with me at all times).

This is bad isn’t it? I know I’d never walk off and leave children unattended. I’ve been teaching for a couple of years and even at full time and under more pressure I’ve not even dreamed of doing this. When I walked out, hardly any teachers were in yet, let alone children!

Will this stay on a record somewhere and in essence, blacklist me?

I feel like such an idiot. I knew they wanted me gone and I’m wondering if I should just ask to leave early at the head’s discretion? I can’t see me being any good to anyone any more.

If I’m being an ignorant buffoon, by all means please tell me as I need to hear opposing views to mine, but I can’t take the harsh blunt comments right now as I feel very hurt and I’m in a crappy situation with my housing as well as my health.

Thank you in advance.

So sorry and this sounds so harsh. When you say you walked out - how did they know if kids weren’t there yet? Is work very stressful? Sending you a hug

Do you have an employee helpline you can contact? Someone who will listen and point you in the right direction for support not just at work, but also possibly with your housing, health and well-being.

Or talk with your union for an overview of how this affects your career and what your options might be.

Was this recent OP? Are you getting support from your GP? What are you doing about your housing situation?

Take care of yourself. Use people around you to help and support you. You'll get through this

The children do not come into class until 8.45am so I had an hour and 15 minutes until any child would be in my care. The headteacher knows this, as my husband phoned her as soon as I left.

Unless you mean, how do they know I won’t walk when children are there? In which case, I stupidly hadn’t thought of that. Not harsh at all, you’ve given me a different viewpoint that’s much smarter than where my head was at, so thank you.

The work isn’t stressful, I just find working relationships hard and feel I never belong anywhere. I get overwhelmed with change as well and have very black and white thinking (I have a referral for autism and ADHD).

Wondering if this is the time to look at alternative employment. Perhaps job is not suited to me?

@Gazelda thank you so much for your lovely message.

I’ve been told to bid for council properties, but I’m band D so getting nowhere fast. We have to wait for the landlord to take possession of the property, then we can appeal and ask for an extension of a month, then wait for bailiffs to kick us out, where I could end up in a B&B with my two young girls.

Health-wise I have a colonoscopy today, a smear next week and my referrals for autism and ADHD have been sent off. I keep sleeping most of the day and have extreme fatigue, but could be related to depression.

This is recent - I’m going through all of it now and I’ve only been told about the report to the LADO a couple of hours ago. I have a counsellor who said she’ll do an extra session tonight as I’m panicking, getting in my head and can’t stop crying. I’ve never been reported for anything in my life, so I’m very scared tbh.

I sent an email to my union. There is a rep who I email when things pop up and he’s been good at responding and reassuring me, but not sure he can help much with this.

I have a lot of sympathy for you, but they were right to report what you did; and it is right that - for now at least - a risk assessment has been actioned. The fact that you walked out and told nobody is the risk - not whether or not children were there and left alone. The fact that you did it at all makes the possibility that you might have done / do it when children are there a serious safeguarding risk.

The way to manage this is not to make excuses about what you did. And you probably don't realise this, but you are making excuses - you cannot possibly know for a fact that you wouldn't have done it if children were around, because if you were in a stable position you wouldn't have just walked out anyway. You need to recognise what you did was wrong, that is was a potential risk, and work through how you ensure that put in the same position again you will never just walk out. As an employer, the lessons that you have learned from this would be what concern me. I am not going to employ somebody who doesn't see what they did wrong - to me they are a risk at doing it again, only next time in a more serious situation. But I am going to employ somebody who can rationally explain what happened, why their reaction was an error and what they will be doing to ensure it doesn't happen again. I have employed people who have done far, far worse things than you did. So no, you aren't blacklisted, you aren't a failure, you aren't unemployable - unless you make that true by not learning from this.

@Neriah I know I shouldn’t have walked and not spoken to someone and I have apologised to the headteacher for this. I told her where I went wrong and what I should do next time and she thanked me for taking accountability and being reflective. I didn’t mean to sound like I’m making excuses, I was giving a bit of background.

I do appreciate all you’ve said and I thank you for your insightful and wise input from an employer’s perspective. It’s nice to know I’m not blacklisted, but just need to continue the work I’m doing on making myself better.

@CutiePatooties So you have done exactly the right thing. It sounds like they are not as worried about it as you made out, but they had to deal with it through the right processes. I would stop worrying about it, wait and see what is said, but I doubt anything awful is going to happen.

What led to you getting over whelmed OP? I think it's really important to look at that very carefully and understand what you can do differently or change so that it doesn't happen again. You say work isn't stressful so that suggests that it wasn't that that you're not coping with - or was there a particular incident with another member of staff that you didn't cope well with? If you're struggling with 'the staff room' then maybe it would be possible for you to take you're breaks and lunch somewhere else where you don't feel so uncomfortable. It's very normal for people with ASD particularly to need time out.

Or was it all the housing and diagnosis/health stuff that led to you becoming overwhelmed? It does sound like you have an awful lot on your plate right now. Is it a case of you used up all your spoons on housing and health, then you got to school and coping in the staff room where you feel uncomfortable and don't fit in was too much and you just didn't have any spoons left to deal with it. (If you know the spoons analogy).

Do you enjoy your job OP? Are you good at it? If the answer is yes then get yourself better and get back to it. If you have to have another adult with you for a while then so be it. Once things have gone back to normal for a while it might be worth looking for a new school to work at where the head is more supportive.

Your headteacher is not sympathetic.

I worked in a school for a long time and while this was not common it did happen and much more during and after Covid.

My school supported teachers and helped them back to work.

Teaching is a tough job and it's getting tougher.

An awful lot of people I know have left teaching in the last couple of years (including me) as the stress and workload was having a massive impact on their mental health.

Your personal situation won't be helping.

There are a lot of other jobs out there suitable for teachers - try looking at the Facebook group life after teaching.

Many people have moved to online or face to face tutoring and as it is paid by the hour it is generally better paid than classroom teaching.

If you want to stay, talk to your union and get their advice.