What do you do to help with work / life balance?

[PainPerdu]

I'm about to start a new role in a different team within a large CS department. I've spent the last year in a team which was pretty toxic - bullying, gaslighting, just generally horrible. I've become quite anxious about work during this time and really want to reset as I move roles.

If you were starting in a new role, what routines and habits would you put in place for a good work / life balance?

Leave work at work, keep your boundaries with regards to the hours you work and push back if expected to take on too much. I am trying to make time for myself outside of work, prioritise your wellbeing because no one else will.

Thanks. I mostly WFH, which seems to make boundary setting harder (but is beneficial in lots of other ways).

In the role I'm leaving I often found I was too tired from work to do anything in the evening. I also don't sleep well so this doesn't help.

I WFH. I joined a gym & booked classes that meant I had to leave work on time.

I'm not for leaving work at work. I accept that there will be busy times. I try to preempt these and stay ahead of things. For example last weekend I worked both days. I know that because of that the next six weeks will be significantly easier. To me, its worth it. My works days are clearer with more time for relaxed chat. My head is in order because I ticked so much off my list.

What's really helped me recently is getting out in the evening, I WFH in the CS, the school run helps me reset the day and get into work and home mode. Then I go to the gym or evening classes in the evening which helps me get out and see people. I also go for a walk every lunch time.

Hopefully youll be in a better environment now, I don't think any amount of resetting or exercise can help with a toxic team or manager, you've done the right thing getting out.

I've rejoined the gym recently. I used to be really good at going to the gym or for a swim before work, using flexi to start a bit later, but have found it harder in the job I'm leaving now. Hoping to restart this. I also used to do classes at lunchtime twice a week, but that became impossible in this job as people would frequently put meetings in over the time I'd blocked out for a longer lunch.

Putting time for you in the diary, blocking out your lunch hour at work. The whole civil service is moving to 60% working from the office from the spring, so whilst can be a hindrance to work life balance does help with leaving work at work. Good luck with the new role!

The department I work for isn't moving to 60% office, we can still WFH 100%.

I like WFH in many ways, not least because nobody from my team is based in my office anyway and I hate doing Teams calls from the office. But I think it has made drawing boundaries between work and home life harder.

Blocking out lunch has failed miserably in this job. I'm hoping that the new team have more respect for it.

Do you have a set workspace? I know this is a luxury and a privilege, but when we saw home working coming during the pandemic we moved house to a cheaper area so I could have an office, being able to shut the door and have a very separate workspace made a huge difference to my ability to separate work and home.

If your work day ends at 5, book a recurring 30mins appointment in every day at 5pm "5pm finish". That reminder popping up 15/30mins before will act as an indicator to wrap up what you are doing.

If you have regular meetings in, block out the 30 mins before and after where possible "focus time". Use the focus time before the meeting to read over any related info, grab a coffee and get settled. Use the focus time after to do any actions that have arisen for you.

File your completed emails!! Only have on your inbox list the ones which aren't completed - and even then, only keep the most recent one in any conversation thread.

If you have any massive teams meetings where you can keep cameras off, keep a little craft or activity to hand to do while you listen - knitting, colouring etc. All occupy the hands and leave you free to just listen without getting bored.

Don't feel like every email you receive needs you to stop what you are doing and reply immediately.

Don't put email notifications or teams on your phone. Don't reply or do any work at weekends or after 5pm. Put a disclaimer on emails "my working hours are ....". Say no to things - you are allowed. Without excuses, just no, I'm not able to help with that. Signpost to who can. The more you say no the better you get at it.

Am working on this one. Currently working from a desk in the dining room, but the youngest DC will be going to university this year (oldest is already at university) and I think we need to look at changing one of their bedrooms into a study, at least during term time. Shutting the door on work would probably help.

This is all really good advice, thank you.
I'm hoping the new team has more respect for blocked out time than my current team.

I definitely need to work on saying no. Sometimes I can be my own worst enemy with this. I'm naturally a bit of a people pleaser, but as I've become more senior I've realised that a lot of the most successful people around me are those who can say no and/or delegate.

This is all really good advice, thank you.
I'm hoping the new team has more respect for blocked out time than my current team.

Start declining meetings for time booked out in your diary - it’s blocked out for a reason. If you keep accepting meeting requests when your diary shows you are busy people will keep arranging meetings, because they know you’ll work around them.

I tried declining meetings in this job, but unless you had a very good reason (pilates class was not a good reason) then SCS put pressure on you to attend. I've also had pressure to cancel leave. I know I can still say no, but when they then make life really difficult it is easier said than done. As I said in the OP, it's a toxic environment where bullying is endemic.

My hard-line: don’t put Teams or work email on your personal phone. If you arent given a work phone still don’t do it. And after your working day officially ends, if you decide to send emails set them up on delay to arrive next a.m. I make a habit of NOT instantly replying to anyone - except the most senior personnel or in a true emergency. It makes you look weak, I think, and people start to expect it.

Yeah, in that environment you’re never going to win - better to cut your losses and leave. In your new team I’d start as I mean to go on, explain you routinely block time out for focussed work and unless it’s something really urgent, they need to respect that you’re not available.

This is good advice. Being available 24/7 is not healthy for anyone except in exceptional circumstances. It also sets a precedent and expectations that you will always respond. If I am working outside of my scheduled hours it is to focus on getting something done, so I try to do so incognito. I put my OOO on and schedule emails to send the next morning so that I am not getting disturbed.

Do not ever offer to cancel your leave.

You need to start watching those tiktok videos which show how to politely reinforce your boundaries.

I massively regret cancelling leave for external meetings that SCS deemed important. With hindsight I really should have said no. It happened twice last summer and I think that was the start of the real exhaustion kicking in. The meetings involved travel too, when I really needed time off to relax rather than additional long hours and stress.

I've just left an exhausting role in the CS for one in another dept. It's equally busy but I really enjoy it, what was particularly exhausting about my old role was the toxicity of the team. My new team are nice, and I look forward to work on a Sunday now.

A couple of things I have in place to maintain work life balance:

I don't work past 6pm on any given day. I start at 8, usually finish around 5. 6 pm is a long old day for me. We don't do anything life or death so there isn't anything that won't keep until the next morning, everyone else starts at 9 so I'll get the 6pm ask done before they all log on.

I keep a flexi sheet so I know if I'm overworking and can stop myself working myself into the ground by stealth.

I never, ever cancel my leave for someone else's convenience

I won't have anything work related on my personal phone.

I block out time in my diary to get work done amongst all the meetings.

I decline or delegate meetings regularly (this depends on your grade of course, I'm G6 and have a big team I can delegate to).

Every Friday afternoon I go through the next week and sort out what meetings I need to be in and what I don't.

I always take a lunch break.

I make sure my team and manager know my boundaries.

I'm a G7 so in theory should be delegating more...

I keep my flexi record, hit +35hrs in the autumn. Was then told by my line manager not to bother recording it and that he never took his. With the undertone that at this grade you don't get to stick to contracted hours.

@PainPerdu flexi is for up to and including G6. I'm a G6 and I take my flexi religiously, definitely be firmer with your boundaries, it models healthy behaviours for your team and even if management doesn't like it, you won't get any thanks for not doing it so you do what you need to do to keep your mental wellbeing in check. We are not paid enough to work for free.