Lost confidence after coming back from maternity leave

[Headismush789]

Hi all,

Feeling very low/low in confidence at work today and just wondered if anyone has ever felt the same. Long story short my son is 20 months old and I have been back at work around 5 months.

I had a very difficult pregnancy (lots of sickness) and a very very traumatic birth, which left me with PTSD and needing therapy for panic attacks/anxiety etc. This took around 9 months to a year to start and feel better. I then returned to work and around the same time my son had some minor health issues which still aren't quite resolved. I have terrible health anxiety so this has really affected me.

On my return to work (a job I loved), I also started managing a new lady who had been recruited while I was on mat leave. Older than me, had been very experienced. The start was great, we got on well, but there were a few issues around her work/capability. I had just returned from mat leave, was in the middle of health issues with my son and I delayed handling it properly most likely because I lacked confidence in my own judgement of the situation. In the end, when these issues were raised, she completely blamed me, claiming that I had mismanaged her, pressured her and pretty much bullied her. All of which is absolutely untrue and I have never had anything of the sort been said before. My manager backed me, but I still worry this didn't reflect well on me.

There has since been another issue where I feel as though I have made a judgement on something, but then I'm questioning it afterwards.

All of this is on top of looking after a small whirlwind of a toddler, very broken sleep and general stress. I actually feel as though my brain is not working properly some days and although I want to give 100%, I just can't. I'm questioning everything I say, worrying before I say things in meetings and after, questioning whether this has affected how my manager/director see me etc.

I loved this job and I have grown the team while there, but I now feel like my confidence has taken a huge dent and I'm questioning what I even bring to it. I haven't been explicit with how I am feeling to my manager yet, as I'm even worried that won't reflect well on me.

Thanks for reading this far.

I don’t have any advice but just wanted to say that I understand and feel very similar. I’ve only been back for nearly 2 months, but have lost all confidence and honestly dread every single day. I doubt every decision I make, every interaction with anyone and it’s just exhausting. Multiple people have been promoted in the last couple of weeks that were all on the same level as me previously, i’ve been at the company far far longer than any of them overall and it just adds to my overall feeling of worthlessness. I just feel like a rubbish employee and a rubbish mum. I’m trying to just focus on the money and that i’m giving my DD a better life.

I really feel for you, it's such a tough time. After four months back at work after my first mat leave, I ended up off sick for a couple of months. Different triggers at work, but my confidence was shot and I just couldn't cope with it.

Please have a look if your NHS area permits self referral to Talking Therapy, or see your GP for a referral. I find counselling incredibly helpful at helping me order my thoughts, work out what is down to me - and what isn't, plus gives me the strategies to cope better.

I think having a long time off for maternity can really affect your confidence in your ability when you return. I took a year off with both of mine, and it took me a long time to feel confident in my decisions after I returned. My job involves remembering facts and advising staff and I don't think I really felt back on top of it until nearly a year back, and was constantly second guessing myself. It was a lot easier second time round, as I knew it would come back eventually, but I was worried I'd never get it back after my first maternity leave.

Can you go on any refresher training with your organisation? I found talking to my manager really helpful, as she was really supportive, and her belief in me helped me believe in myself more, so if you think you have a manager that would help it may be worth talking to them and seeing what they can offer.