dp staying at home to look after ds...any advice???

[lindso]

i'm going back to work soon (will do four days a week) and for a variety of reasons dp will be taking some time off work to look after ds (9mths) for a few months..we haven't quite worked out how long for.

anyone else in this situation and any experiences/advice to share?? It is the best solution for us, and he adores his boy, but i think its fair to say he'll be in the minority at any music/baby group he goes to. the baby is at the age where he loves these kind of gatherings - seeing other babies, interacting etc and i want him to keep going, but think dp is slightly reluctant..he's quite shy anyway

i'll also have to ensure i don't ring up every hour to check everything is ok!

If he's the one doing the staying at home he'll need to be the one deciding what to do to fill the days?

I'd have been cross if dp had suggested what I should do during the day - I enjoyed filling our time together my way which sometimes meant being alone just the two of us.

A bored baby will drive him out to look for things to do - so try to let dp take the lead.

The more important question is will dp take on toilet cleaning/sorting washing/doing ironing & cooking like you would if you were at home...that'll be a fun discussion?!

my dh looks after ds who is 10mo one day a week (nanny the rest) while im working so its a bit less fullon. but my advice would be take a deep breath, dont expect him to do it exactly the way you do it, and most importantly bite your tongue if he gets things a bit wrong (in your eyes) unless baby appears in actual danger, or he'll be put off the whole thing.
my dh would rather die than go to organised baby groups esp anything involving singing (though my friend's dp is a SAHD and he goes) BUT he will take ds to the swings/slide at the park, where he can watch/interact with lots of other babies and older kids. taking him swimming also seems to be acceptable (there is at least one dad in ds's swimming class) and when he's a few months older i think dh will also be good at taking him to soft play. he will hang out with ds in cafes as well, whichever is most babyfriendly will ensure your ds gets plenty of social stimulation. if you're worried about ds missing a specific activity, eg music class, do it with him on your day off.
he will need some mummy (or daddy) mates to hang out with tho with kids or he'll go mad. if you have an nct group of mates or similar could your dp hang out with them? there are a few sahds on here who im sure will advise if you post on a different thread (parenting maybe?).
try and do some practice runs BEFORE you go back to work so he can see what its really like.
the shock on dh's first whole day with ds (having only had him for a few hours before) was how relentless it is and how knackering. i think he had assumed ds would play by himself quite a lot while he got on with something more interesting....
dh gets bored more easily than me and is more impatient: i suspect ds watches rather more tv and has rather more meals consisting largely of toast when with dh than he would with me or the nanny. however dh is better at thinking up games/physical play, and i think as ds gets older they'll both get more out of it. the time they spend together will stand them in good stead for the rest of their lives.
a few friends with SAH partners complain that they look after the dcs but do no housework, and assume that while baby is asleep/safely distracted that time is their own. which means you come home to the kitchen from hell and a basketload of washing. all i can say is i hope you have better luck than i've had in sorting that one out....

I'm sure it will work brilliantly. My dh looked after our son f-t then p-t from 6-22 months old, going back to ork only when my 2nd maternity leave began. Dg pretty averse to group activities, but lots of places that are good to visit, depending on where you live, eg aquarium, city farms, take-a-baby film screenings, lots of museums and any park especially with climbing frames. Remember, wee kids think even just getting on a bus, train or boat is fun, so doesn't need to be exotic stuff.

The result is that the 2 of them have a fantastic relationship and dh now getting wistful as he sees ds2 approaching the age when he took over with ds1. Two fab things for me were, obviously, massively reduced guilt at leaving the baby with his dad, and the fact that dh set up a blog to relate the antics they got up to in the day, so I could log in any time at work to catch up and see lots of pictures. Great for grandparents et al. too. Was also a good creative channel for dh. A final note, I've noticed exactly 2 years on with ds2 that there are more fathers going about with babies, including at group activities. So, you never know, there might be some in your area as well. And no smoking now makes it much easier to go out for lunch, too.

My DH became a SAHD when DS was 4mo and I went back to work f-t. We were both a bit nervous initially, and DH set several alarms on his mobile for feeds etc so that he didn't forget .

It worked out fabulously for us. DH isn't too outgoing, but goes to a few organised toddler groups etc anyway - and tends to play with the children rather than spend too long chatting to the mothers! (The children love having a man at things like that and seem to be somewhat wilder than they might be otherwise...)

When DS was 19mo DH started working p-t, and is still the main carer. The only thing to bear in mind is that when your child goes through separation anxiety etc, it can be quite hurtful when they don't scream for you! But apart from that, it's a brilliant way to do things - so many men miss out on their babies growing up! It'll be fine!

Agree with letting him do what he wants with ds in the days. If he doesn't like baby groups, fine I say. Lots of mums don't like them either! Your baby will not suffer one iota from not going to these things and it will not affect their socialisation one iota. Your DP may do other things - swimming is always a good one. But IMO just day to day life is enough socialisation for a tiny one

I think the main thing you can do to make it all work well is to step back and let him get on with it in the same way that you would expect him to, when you're at home

I'm sure it will be a precious time for you all

He doesn't need to go to baby groups if he doesn't want to. It's ridiculous. Those groups are arranged for the benefit of the mothers not for the benefit of the babies. The baby hasn't a clue and doesn't start parallel play until about 18months and really playing with another child until about 3.

Be nice to him.

Message withdrawn

Dh did this and liked it but resented it like mad if I interfered or suggested he do things. Fair enough so I left him to it and he chose not to do parent/baby things.