Blabber mouth colleague

[Whatwoidoyoudo]

I’m furious.

I am one of a small team of managers (4 of us) that manage a large number of staff.

As a manager I’m responsible for leading appraisals and talking to staff when we need to when things are going wrong.

I had to speak to a colleague yesterday, they became upset and we spent a long time discussing the issue. I then spoke to the others in the management team about it to gain their opinions but also keep them in the loop.

i have today found out that one of the mangers had then shared this with 2 of my colleagues (ones that aren’t in the management team), one of whom is a known gossip.

I reassured the member of staff I spoke to that only myself and the very small manager team would ever know. I now feel like I’ve lied and let them down.

im livid. We are a small team and I know it will cause friction if I address this and also o will “dob in” the member of staff that came to tell me. That will impact on their working relationship with the manager in question.

wtf. I thought I could talk to my colleagues in confidence. I thought they were my support network.

I feel awful for th member of staff whose private business has been shared.

I had a similar situation. I will be going into our next meeting saying specifically that unless I discuss action points, nothing is to be discussed away from that meeting room with anyone outside the group.

Ridiculous that it needs to be said.

But wtf. It is ridiculous. It was a private discussion that didn’t need to be shared.

Difficult, did the upset colleague know you were going to discuss this with the other managers, did they need to know what was discussed, .

I had been asked to discuss the issue within a managers team meeting prior. They all knew I was having the conversation.

I have questioned myself if I should have kept the discussion to myself but I was asked how it went and I answered honestly.

I also needed them to know in case anything came from it/ so they could look out for any repercussions.

Im mortified it was shared with others. Along with some other things that aren’t really important but also has infuriated me.

It is unprofessional of those colleagues in the management team to discuss matters relating to individual employees with other colleagues. If I was the employee in question I would be furious that private conversations with managers were the subject of office gossip.

i have today found out that one of the mangers had then shared this with 2 of my colleagues (ones that aren’t in the management team), one of whom is a known gossip.

I think this manager needs to apologise to your colleague & explain why they gossiped about them.

I think you do need to go and have a serious conversation about this lapse in confidentiality with both the manager and the person who was told the stuff. Get this documented, get the person told that they were told in error and must not repeat privileged information to anyone else. Apologise to the person whose information has been broadcast and let the manager know that you have apologised on their behalf.

This. You need to let management know that the information was shared, how unprofessional this was and apologise to your colleague who will probably never trust any of you again. Did the colleague agree to you discussing it with other managers or did they expect it was going to be a confidential 1.1 with you. Does the colleague know .

My personal policy is never to release information from my mouth, if I want it to be confidential. You lose control and visibility the moment you say the words out loud.

it doesn't excuse the blabbermouth, but it does leave you open to having to clear up the devastation and aftermath, as you're now finding out.

I have questioned myself if I should have kept the discussion to myself but I was asked how it went and I answered honestly.

it was naive of you to have been tempted by the question to give the detail, you could have said "it went OK, the situation is under control thanks".

I also needed them to know in case anything came from it/ so they could look out for any repercussions.

You took on responsibility that you needn't have. It wasn't for you to predict or fix/mitigate ongoing issues, you took that upon yourself but unfortunately that judgement call has proven to do more harm than good according to your post.

I told the staff member it had been brought up in a managers team meeting and that was why I was discussing it with them.

I also said “only us 4 and you know”. So yes they knew the other managers knew.

Sorry that was a reply to @TraitorsGate

You're right to feel this way, I'd approach the blabber mouth and say you feel concerned about the confidentiality of the person being discussed and had an inkling that others may know. Ask them what they think and should you approach HR. Don't be specific but idgo the pretend vague route with veiled threat. Then same to your senior manager.

@Namemchangeforthispostonly101 you’re right that I am cross with myself for discussing after the meeting.

I will say though that the manager shared the initial information (that I was asked to go an speak to the member of staff) sooner than anything about the meeting. This was brought up in a managers meeting so I cannot control that they knew the information. I wouldn’t have told them I was going to speak to the staff member or what about if they weren’t part of the initial discussion identifying I needed to address it.

The other stuff shared was the rationale for a decision we had made together as a small group. They shared my personal opinion// how we got to the decision. I personally wouldn’t have told anyone who voted which way/ why. As what matters is the final decision that the group came to.

Those identifying I’m annoyed at myself are 100% right.

But i am more angry with the other manager tbh.

I'd be speaking to a senior manager, and taking those two / three people to on side with senior manager and setting out the expectations to now, after their indiscretions, to maintain privacy for the sake of the employee's dignity or there will be repercussions (should come from a more senior manager that part) - don't discuss with that person in future, and perhaps ask senior to set out their expectations too - gossiping isn't acceptable, especially in a role that you have that gives you information that could be sensitive

Yes you should report this. You don't need to say how you know. "It has come to my attention" is enough.

The big mouthed manager doesn't need to know who 'dobbed' them in, call them both in, tell them half the office now seem to know this employees business and ask who opened their big fat mouth cos now HR is going to be involved

It sounds like there was an issue with the employee, it was discussed in a managers meeting, you were asked to deal with it, after the meeting you went back to the managers and discussed the outcome which someone blabber about. Was the employee aware that there was an issue, that all the managers knew but no one had addressed it until you spoke to them, were they given the opportunity to have someone with them or did it all come out the blue. How did all 4 managers get involved in the first place. Was it a performance, complaint or disciplinary? If so did everyone follow the correct process.

Is there someone above your management team to raise a complaint to?

This is a serious breach of confidentiality and has to be dealt with as briskly as possible

Yep but they may all just say they didn't realise it was confidential, the whole situation sounds very unprofessional and badly managed.

@Namemchangeforthispostonly101 yep i should have said it was shared in the mangers meeting originally. Wasn’t purposely drip feeding.

@TraitorsGate I know it’s easy to say they didn’t realise it was confidential, but I’m sure they wouldn’t want anyone know if THEIR manager had spoken to them about something they’d done wrong and they got upset!

This sums up what happened well. Thanks.

No the employee didn’t know it was an issue. I already had a meeting booked with them for that day. I am the right person to address it due to our roles. It wasn’t actually a big/ important thing but it needed to be addressed. It just shoudlnt be gossip either. It makes the person involved look bad when in reality it was just a short lapse in judgement that is now sorted.

I invited them back to chat with me the next day and they declined. They understood why I had spoken to them and wanted to move on.

With your added clarification, it actually makes what the manager did worse.