Really struggling, do I leave my job?

[ChloeR81]

I’m really struggling with work and can’t decide whether to leave or stick it out.

I’ve been in the role 9 months, quite senior corporate job, lots of pressure and incredibly high workload. The team are nice but the environment, the chaos, the sky high, unrealistic expectations, working all hours make it really unbearable. I’m also aware that at my level it’s my problem to sort all this out but I just don’t know if I can.

I’m a single parent to an 8 and 10 year old and feel like I’m ruining the last few years of having ‘little kids’ by being in this role. My health is starting to suffer, I’ve lost weight and wake up with knots in my stomach, headaches and stress every day (even the weekend). At the weekend the kids said to me ‘we’ve noticed you’re just really sad all the time now mum’ and it broke my heart a bit.

So do I just leave? I have savings to take a few months out to reset and then get something else, possibly a lower level with less stress. Or do I stay and try and find a way through. I’m so scared of letting people down or damaging my career and reputation. I’m also quite a stressy person so may feel stressed in another, lower paid job and regret leaving.

Really don’t know what to do, feel totally lost. Thank you for any thoughts and advice.

Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences and advice, it’s so helpful.

I have a 3 month notice period so even if I handed my notice in now I’d have over a year in the role by the time I left so not totally disastrous I suppose. Im the sole income for the family so don’t have total freedom of choice on it, but I could definitely take quite a big step back in salary and we’d be ok.

starsinthenightskies, it’s so lovely to hear your story and that it worked out so well for you, really inspirational.

SparklingDaisy I'm so sorry you’re in the same position, everything you say sounds very familiar. Congratulations on your new role.

Rooma it sounds as though we’re in the same situation, everything you say sounds so familiar. I’ve worked so hard to get here, it gives us security and anything my kids need, but I’m just exhausted, I’m sad, I feel unwell.

Recognising that something just isn’t for you and doing something about it, putting your wellbeing and family first - that’s not failure that is absolutely a sign of strength.

I’m in a relatively senior role and used to be a mega stress head myself, I think it stems from lack of confidence / self esteem and as you say a desire to achieve perfectionism and please people. I notice that those who succeed and cope right at the top do so because they are able to maintain perspective, not stress over things outside of their control and ensure they maintain a relatively healthy work/life balance - they’re respected for this too as it shows strength and resilience.

Give yourself permission to walk away - like another poster said once you feel like there is an escape if you want one you might find it doesn’t seem as bad as it once did. I’ve experienced this before, power of the mind!

You get one life, and time with your children is so precious. If you’re in a position to walk away then do so, and with your held high. No job is worth sacrificing your wellbeing for.

I feel almost embarrassed leaving though, like I couldn’t hack it.

you’d not feel embarrassed leaving a relationship after 9 months if they treated you badly, you’d be congratulated for being sensible and getting out

the company should be ashamed for being so chaotic

@ChloeR81 old thread, I know, but I’d love to hear how things are going for you now. I feel I’m also at a bit of a crossroads with my job - it’s fastpaced, demanding, high stress, and I definitely bring that stress home with me and am finding it increasingly hard to keep up with everything. I’ve lost the drive I used to have and just feel exhausted almost all of the time. Not good with three children (10, 8, 3) and I want to be present and have energy for them while they’re still interested in spending time with me! But I get so much of a sense of purpose from my work - I don’t know who I’d be if I left to try something else. Have been there 15 years and love the people. What did you decide to do in the end and how did it go?

OP how did it all turn out for you in the end? I think I could write your post word for word, and would love to hear what you decided to do.

What I would do OP is start job hunting while putting boundaries in place in your current job.

If the workload is unmanageable then stop trying to deliver it...do what you can during your hours and leave the job behind at 5pm.

You already know this is not the job for you and you want to leave, so no need to go out of your way to succeed.

Let me guess, this is a charity?

Hi and thanks so much for showing an interest in how things went! Sorry I missed some of these messages.

Well I have moved jobs recently! Stuck it out for 2 years and I did manage to improve things over that time a bit so it was a bit more bearable, but I knew it wasn’t the place or the culture for me- I managed to survive but was never going to thrive there. I was so tempted just to quit at many points but then I thought there’s no way I’m ruining my CV and good record by leaving early for that place, so slogged on to 2 years (totally respectable stint in a role) and moved on. Breathed a massive sigh of relief the day I walked out of there.

New role is another ‘big’ job but consciously took a sideways step to something I knew I could do brilliantly. I should really be taking a step up but have no appetite for that for a few years until the kids are grown- a career is a marathon not a sprint, right!

Sorry to hear others are struggling in similar situations and best of luck to you all.

Thanks for the update! What did you do to make it bearable? are you enjoying the new job? Good on you for staying, but did you wish you had left sooner?

Had some challenging conversations at a senior level being clear that some of the deadlines etc just weren’t going to happen and just faced into the displeasure from them, hired in some excellent people (some on consultancy basis) to ‘scaffold’ the team where it wasn’t up to delivering what was being asked, put forward a proposal for a new team structure (including my role) as it clearly wasn’t working, which was accepted (nightmare short term as added to my workload but needed to be done). Some things also moved around me- some senior people left etc that helped me out.

As painful as it was, I’m really glad I stuck it out and didn’t take a step back etc. I’ve definitely grown as a leader through it (they say the biggest growth comes from discomfort, right?)

I also very clearly had a timeline in my head which helped, after 18 months I started looking for the next role so was out at 2 years. Having a finish line kept me sane!