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Offered promotion but I'm 4 weeks pregnant

27 replies

Nmw09 · 28/01/2024 13:26

F(36) and a mother of 1, DS turns two in 8 months, currently 5 weeks pregnant.

Last week, the very next day after I tested positive at 4 weeks pregnant, I was told I was being reconsidered for my old managers role which I originally applied for in November but was rejected in December.

I wasn't impressed with the process, I was kept waiting 2 weeks for feedback and even then it wasn't actionable.

I was told prior to applying that I was unlikely to get the role given how big it is, but I was told by my c-level head and my VP (hiring manager) that I was definitely ready for a bigger role.

Silly me for thinking the 2 week delay in coming back to me was them maybe creating a different opportunity of progression, I was simply told, they will work with me on my development and want me to stay in the company without any real timeline.

I've been there 7 years and had a string of managers who believed in me and verbally said I was in for promotion but then left and each time I've had to prove myself again.

So I went home for Christmas and told my husband we better try for a baby, what were we even waiting for?! I was in a holding pattern at work so why put our personal decisions on hold.

Last week I went to a company meeting and was told by the head of Europe (in sales) that he was appalled by the head of Emea (marketing) candidates. That he has pushed back on my VP hard, that he wants clear justification as to why I was not seriously considered, has rejected the external candidates and told me I should get ready to jump into the role.

I think my department heads are nervous as the last 2 externals didn't make it past 2 years each and were shown the door.

As expected, I was that same week by my VP that I was in fact the strongest candidate and everyone agrees I can grow into the role.

Now I don't know what to do.... talk about timing. I don't care about my department heads who clearly didn't believe in me in the first place, and have only buckled under pressure... but do I tell the Emea head of sales out of courtesy, early on, before I take that role considering that he has brokered me the role without knowing I will be back on maternity leave in 8 months? (I've been back 6 months, I took 10 months without son and plan to do that same this time). I would have been back 14 months by the time I go again.

I feel like it's a close age gap (2 years on the nose) and 9 months back everyone will know I'm pregnant again, and beggars belief if I take this bigger role then go... is coming back to work in July after 10 months out, and announcing I'm pregnant in March (8 months later) too soon? Especially as we've not had a manager now for 4 months, I need to ramp into the role for a few months then 4 months later I leave everyone in the lurch.

If they gave me the role to start, there's no way we would have tried until summer. shouldn't care what people think but I do.
My husband is 38 and we aren't getting younger, as soon as I was rejected for the role we tried in January thinking it could take 6 months. And even now, falling pregnant so fast who knows if it will stick.
Thoughts?

OP posts:
CanaryCanary · 28/01/2024 13:32

Just take the role. Tell them whenever you normally would. There’s literally no chance I would turn down a role because of being pregnant, frankly the company doesn’t care about you and you don’t need to care about them! Prioritise your own career development and family.

Medee · 28/01/2024 13:34

take it. Don’t tell them till you have to. Prove yourself first. Assuming it comes with increased salary it’ll also increase your mat pay.

CornishTiger · 28/01/2024 13:34

Overthinking and offering far too much info at this stage to your employer.

Take the job!

Muchof · 28/01/2024 13:37

You should deal with the situation exactly as you would if you were a man whose partner was four weeks pregnant. There is hard fought for legislation in place to make this the case and ensure you are not disadvantaged.

Nmw09 · 28/01/2024 13:52

Thanks. I don't care about my 'employer' but what about the head of sales who is a stakeholder and has put his neck on the line to lobby for me?
Also is falling pregnant 6 months after I return too soon?

OP posts:
Nmw09 · 28/01/2024 13:53

Thank you everyone! I know I over think these things. I guess people have gone above and beyond for me and I'm low in confidence so I feel I owe them for giving me such an amazing opportunity. I also didn't know I was going to fall first time.

OP posts:
AppleKatie · 28/01/2024 13:55

You don’t owe them not to get pregnant.

jackstini · 28/01/2024 14:00

You are definitely overthinking it!

Take the promotion - you've earned it
Do not tell them you are pregnant until you want/need to - you could wait until 20 weeks
Enjoy the higher salary and better maternity pay
Go back after mat leave when you are ready

Nmw09 · 28/01/2024 14:03

Everyone will know I'm pregnant at 13 weeks as we have an overseas annual kick off in Las Vegas (US company) and I will noticeably not be drinking. Plus I heard you pop the second time, I was big enough with my DS by 13 weeks. I have confidence they can cope without me. Maybe they should have offered me in the first place and not sent me home for Christmas so wound up.

OP posts:
Neurodiversitydoctor · 28/01/2024 14:03

Medee · 28/01/2024 13:34

take it. Don’t tell them till you have to. Prove yourself first. Assuming it comes with increased salary it’ll also increase your mat pay.

This 24 weeks is a good time to tell work if you don't need time off for sickness in the first trimester.

equinoxprocess · 28/01/2024 14:04

but do I tell the Emea head of sales out of courtesy, early on, before I take that role considering that he has brokered me the role without knowing I will be back on maternity leave in 8 months

No, because that actually puts him in a very difficult position where if he doesn't give you the job for an unrelated reason it will look like pregnancy discrimination.

Rather than courtesy it may look like trying to force their hand.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 28/01/2024 14:06

Nmw09 · 28/01/2024 14:03

Everyone will know I'm pregnant at 13 weeks as we have an overseas annual kick off in Las Vegas (US company) and I will noticeably not be drinking. Plus I heard you pop the second time, I was big enough with my DS by 13 weeks. I have confidence they can cope without me. Maybe they should have offered me in the first place and not sent me home for Christmas so wound up.

Meh I told work at 24 weks the second time I was very silm. I told then in May when I couldn't hide under layers anymore. Baby was born in October.

equinoxprocess · 28/01/2024 14:10

Silly me for thinking the 2 week delay in coming back to me was them maybe creating a different opportunity of progression

By "opportunity of progression", do you mean getting pregnant?

I'd put money on the delay being some combination of bureaucracy, disorganisation, indecision, and avoiding a difficult conversation.

I doubt anyone has ever thought "let's delay giving someone feedback for two weeks to hint she should get pregnant", but I suppose it's theoretically possible.

ARealFake · 28/01/2024 14:10

CanaryCanary · 28/01/2024 13:32

Just take the role. Tell them whenever you normally would. There’s literally no chance I would turn down a role because of being pregnant, frankly the company doesn’t care about you and you don’t need to care about them! Prioritise your own career development and family.

This, all day long

KeepingKeepingOn · 28/01/2024 14:15

Definitely take the job! Most people wouldn’t even know at this stage they were pregnant and I’m sure you’re so excited by and focused on this jump up that you haven’t even realised you’re pregnant 😉 there are enough things holding women back in the workforce, don’t stand in your own way!

thedancingparrot · 28/01/2024 14:15

The company are at fault here - take the opportunity and pay rise.

As for the I will noticeably not be drinking can be easily explained. Lots of people are actually not drinking now for lots of different excuses, myself included (to address recurrent migraine issue).

Nmw09 · 28/01/2024 14:16

equinoxprocess · 28/01/2024 14:10

Silly me for thinking the 2 week delay in coming back to me was them maybe creating a different opportunity of progression

By "opportunity of progression", do you mean getting pregnant?

I'd put money on the delay being some combination of bureaucracy, disorganisation, indecision, and avoiding a difficult conversation.

I doubt anyone has ever thought "let's delay giving someone feedback for two weeks to hint she should get pregnant", but I suppose it's theoretically possible.

Maybe not clear but I mentioned above that the hiring manager and his own manager, both told me the role was out of reach and that whilst I likely wouldn't get it, I was due a larger role. I thought they were delaying coming back to me as they would have a plan for my progression, but when I asked my manager (the hiring manager) told me there wasn't a plan yet. It annoyed me, hence why I went home and tore up the plan of trying for for baby in the summer

OP posts:
Summerdew · 28/01/2024 14:19

Take the job. Don’t tell them until you have to. Hope all goes well for you.

SecondUsername4me · 28/01/2024 14:20

You take the role. Is there a probationary period? If so, I'd not say a word to anyone at work tip after you've passed that, just so they can't fake a "we now you aren't ready, just like we said" opinion, and legally you don't even need to tell them you are pregnant til 25 weeks.

Good luck! Enjoy it!

scrunchmum · 28/01/2024 14:20

Definitely take it.
You don't need to justify it to yourself but just think of it as you can give them a solid 8 months now, someone external will take weeks to recruit and months to onboard.

SecondUsername4me · 28/01/2024 14:21

The no drinking, "I did Dry January and loved the results so much I'm basically doing Dry 2024"

Olika · 28/01/2024 14:22

Don't tell and take the role. 4/5 weeks is very early and you have months to go to the deadline to tell them. I stopped drinking well before I finally got pregnant and I just said I have quit alcohol to detox and nobody really pushed me about it. And congratulations! 🙂

SecondUsername4me · 28/01/2024 14:22

Nmw09 · 28/01/2024 13:52

Thanks. I don't care about my 'employer' but what about the head of sales who is a stakeholder and has put his neck on the line to lobby for me?
Also is falling pregnant 6 months after I return too soon?

He will get 8 months of excellent work out of you, see for himself that he was right to put you forward, and likely be delighted for you that you are having a baby. You'll be back in a year. In the grand scheme of a long career its the blink of an eye.

parietal · 28/01/2024 14:22

Just take the job. don't tell work about the pregnancy until you have to. it is none of their business.

you've worked hard and well and deserve the promotion so go ahead and take it

Summerdew · 28/01/2024 14:22

Tried to edit and failed - 100% if you’re just back from maternity leave they will be expecting a second, so it isn’t like you will be blindsiding them. I hire a lot of staff and always find out what my good temps are up to when my perm comes back because in my experience second babies quickly follow firsts. I know not ways but I’ve seen it a lot.