Bullied out of a job

[Janblues12345]

Name changed for this as potentially outing. I work for a small company and closely with my boss who in hindsight now bullied and manipulated me for the past 5 years. Despite all my friends and family telling me I needed to quit, I just couldn’t see how to leave. I was made to feel worthless and that I wouldn’t find any other work elsewhere. I don’t have a HR department and don’t work in an industry with a union.

It’s all made worse by the fact I work in a small town, in a close knit industry where everyone knows everyone and my boss has the potential to damage my reputation going forward quite considerably.

What I’m looking for is advice on how to leave on good terms. I can’t ride it out until I find more work, I’m totally broken and just need to leave ASAP for my own mental health. I don’t know what to give as the reason for handing in my notice that means they won’t use it against me to damage my reputation going forward.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I usually get on really well with colleagues and bosses so have never been in this kind of situation before.

Have you got some elderly relative who needs urgent care? I used that as my excuse for jacking in a job with a horrible unreasonable boss. It still took me a long time to get over working for her though....

You don't have to give a reason but I see you are worried about speculation. I would simply say you're looking for a change in direction and would like time to figure out what that is going to be.

I agree that you should keep in quite vague. Say different direction, time out to spend more time with family, studying etc. I've done the same and said I was going to study and then enrolled in an online course and did that while jobhunting.

Came into some money. Taking some time off.

Thank you all for some helpful suggestions. I think it’s going to take me some time to get over it.

I am going to try and remain hopeful that if I give a reason for needing some time off of work, that my boss will have moved on to their next victim by the time I find a new job.

It’s hard to get into the mindset of a vindictive bully. After 5 years I still find it difficult to predict their actions. I suppose that’s all part of the fear and manipulation.

As PP say you don’t have to give a reason, just notify them of your intention to leave and give them the date.

The less said the better. Sorry you’re in this position and hope you can move on and put it behind you.

I would as other PPs suggest just say you're going to take a break for a while.

Your resignation letter/ email just has to say that you are resigning from your employment, effective date 'today' and if you can work out your notice period minus any owed leave then you can suggest your end date and ask they confirm it.

Any further querying of why you are leaving just meet it with 'as I've said, I'm taking a break'. And if they start to lecture you, try to feel confident enough to say 'I do t believe this conversation is relevant to my resignation, Thankyou' and walk away.

Keep it all very black and white.

Oh also - everybody, and I mean everybody, knows exactly what your boss is like. It's his reputation being tarnished, not yours.

One more thing to add, just because your specific industry may not have a union, you can still join one.

Sounds like you might have a case of constructive dismissal but I'd double check that on ACAS

Resign now and don't need to state why. If they press, just give a bs answer like new opportunities etc. Going to work where it's a poor working environment is just going to be detrimental to your mental health

I gave my notice in yesterday and it didn’t go well. I was told to leave the office immediately and not work my notice. Now I need to decide whether to email my work contacts today from home and say I’m leaving or just disappear and let my boss answer questions about why I’m not at work from Monday onwards.

The whole thing is so bizarre and stressful. At least I know for sure I’ve made the right decision now. I just said I needed time off to spend with family. The conversation quickly turned to how negatively she’d be impacted. She couldn’t even bring herself to pretend to be polite.

If I were you Op I wouldn't do any emailing of work contacts. It's no longer your responsibility.

You might want to seek legal advice about your salary and what you are due - I can't see your boss being fair around this. ACAS is a good place to start.

Well done on handing your notice in.

Now I need to decide whether to email my work contacts today from home and say I’m leaving or just disappear and let my boss answer questions about why I’m not at work from Monday onwards

That sounds like a management problem to me. 😀

You might want to seek legal advice about your salary and what you are due - I can't see your boss being fair around this. ACAS is a good place to start

Definitely.

If they won't let you work your notice that may be a breach in your contract. Check that first

I'd think it's FAR preferable not to work it, with a bulky. She'd make your life hell. Focus on finding out what you are owed.

Bully

Good luck. I'm in a similar position currently. I know that when I go they will be doing damage limitation and making sure that they are subtly telling people what a bad job I did in their "I am really very caring and tried so hard..." way.
There are plenty of people who know what they are doing, and will speak up, but also plenty of people who aren't in enough to see anything and will believe the bully because he makes sure they don't see that side.

I have told the people that should have supported me that if I go, then they will move onto their next victim, because I'm only the latest in line. They just stick their head more firmly into the sands.

I haven't decided whether to go for constructive dismissal yet when I go because I'm not sure I have the energy for it.

The OP does not have grounds for Constructive Dismissal based on what they've posted here,

Having put up with the (admittedly appalling) behaviour of the boss for the past 5 years, a Tribunal / the other side's legal team will say that the OP was willing to stay in post for all those years, hence it couldn't have been as bad as they said. Actually it wouldn't even be accepted at a tribunal.

The OP will also have a hard time taking it down the harassment route unless they have tangible examples of how the boss treated the OP less favourably than male employees. And not least of all there is a time limit (window of opportunity to evidence what it was that specifically constituted CD or harassment) of 3 months minus a day from the last incident.

@Janblues12345 you could use training such as returning to full time study as a reason why you've decided to resign, to focus on your development. However, you don't need to give a reason and it's better that you don't, it's not of their business, we aren't in a military state where you have to justify your every move and decision. You have every right to sever the employment contract any time you want without explanation.

Sorry to say it like this but by the time you've served your notice period your boss will hardly remember your name, they will have moved on, so it's best to start planning your new life -don't look back, you'll wish you'd done it sooner.

Well you made the first step.

I had a similar boss and lasted 3 months - Others lasted less time and honestly there was a ‘new’ team constantly.

I now work for a big corporate and would go back to a small office.