Feeling upset about leaving my baby

[mollykins]

I'm sure everyone who goes back to work goes through this so am hoping for some support. My nanny started on Monday and I go back to work on Tuesday next week. I had PND after the birth and so I took a while to bond with my DD which made me feel terribly guilty. But now I have my love for her is overwhelming and it I just want to hold her and cuddle her all the time. I know logically I'm lucky to be able to have a full time nanny and I should just be happy that my DD is happy with her. But emotionally I feel like I'm just handing over the care of my baby, and I'm thinking will she still know I'm mummy, will she love me, will she still need me? I'm just going to miss her so much I feel so sad. I know this is a bit selfish but it's how I feel right now and my DH just says it'll all be okay but I don't think he really knows how this feels. Maybe wanting my career is selfish and I should just give it up but deep down I'm only doing it for her, so I can give her a really good life.

Don't worry, mollykins, i was exactly the same, dreading leaving dd: luckily gp's were doing childcare but i was convinced dd would like them more than me and she wouldn't know me or want to know me when i got back from work! The night before i went to work i was sobbing my heart out while bathing dd, but after a couple of weeks, you'll find yourself (at first, guiltily) skipping off to work and loing the free time (yes, you're at work, but until you don;t have them for the day you don't realise any other time is free time!!) It will all go v well and spending time with others will help increase your dd's confidence! They always scream and holler for mum when they want comforting!!!

I found it really hard at first - ran out the nursery door crying on the first day and burst into tears when I got to work after a year off.

But it didn't take long to settle in, my DD is loving her nursery and I love my time at work when I get time off from being mummy!

Try not to feel guilty..wishing you lots of luck x

i start back at work 31st march...empathising with you!

I'm a c/m with 5 children of my own

I was lucky enough not to have (or want to) to work when mine where very small but I can imagine how it would feel for you as I even had trouble leaving the children with MIL for a day a week incase they preferred her to me!

Since I've been childminding I've realised how I needn't have worried at all about that as some of the children I have had were here 50 plus hours a week and although they (and I) have a fab time - loads of activities, outings,cuddles etc - they are very pleased to see parents at the end of the day

Parents often tell me that they are envious and sometimes resentful of the big part I play in their childrens lives but i am always able to reassure them that mum and dad are still number one in their kids eyes

children really do benefit from good childcare and you will be a better parent for having time away from your child

Mollykins, I know its so hard, we just want to love them, and protect them, but you have done all you can to ensure she will be happy and safe and sound whilst you work, and you want to provide a good life for her, you are doing absolutely the right thing.

As mindingmum said you need your time to, you are a great mum, and dd knows that already, dont you worry, Lots of luck for Tuesday, waterproof mascara is a must. x

I was like you this time last year. My son starting with his childminder and it was so hard leaving him crying there. It wasn't long however before he was walking through the door without a backward glance. He loves it there and his little face lights up when we pull outside her house.

I find it is all worth it when I pick him up. It is a delight everytime because he is so excited and happy to see me. It really is worth working just for that.

I went back about 6 weeks ago now and really struggled. Even this short time in - I can promise that `leaving her is easier, she is settled, I am so glad to be back at work, and I am a nicer person at home. It is still a real struggle though, at times. Hang in there past those first few days and soon you will find a few weeks has passed and you are all surviving.

mollykins, I cried IN the nursery during dd's first settling in hour . She just looked so happy playing with the toys and with other people and it made me blub!

When I collected her after her first whole day she smelt of someone else's perfume and I cried again.

Then she would sometimes hardly react when I came to collect her because she was having so much fun (more tears from me!)

Totally agree with everyone that it gets easier and you do ctually start to enjoy getting back to work.

Dd now holds her wee arms up when she sees me at the end of the day then whacks my face repeatedly when I pick her up and babbles non-stop. I like to think she is telling me what a fun time she has had but can we please go home now

I returned to work when my DD was 4 months old, leaving her with a full time nanny. I had the same concerns as you, but can guarantee you that she will still know you are her mummy and will still love and need you the most.

My DD adores her nanny, but when I get home from work she gives me the most gorgeous smile and literally bounces with joy. (she is now almost 10 months old). I make the most of every minute I spend with her and truly believe I am a better parent to her because I work.

Obviously I get a bit envious of all the time my nanny gets to spend with my DD - especially when the sun is shining and I hear about their day together, but I refuse to feel guilty about leaving her.

Oh and I do secretly get pleased when I hand DD over to the nanny in the morning and DD cries for me.

Just get your nanny to complete a daily diary so you can read about what thay have done together. Set the routine for the nanny to follow, after all you know your baby the best, and get the nanny to call you a couple of times a day to update you on what they have been doing. Once I got my nanny to do this, I felt like I was still in control and involved in my DD's upbringing. And I do love hearing about her day.

Hope that helps, and good luck!