Anyone else a terrible self sabotager

[Hilwee]

I thought I had learnt but I’m at it again, in a role with lots of potential and have been doing great and bit by bit in the last few months I have sabotaged myself. What is the root of this if you have been through it? It’s almost automatic for me. How did you stop? Thank you.

Sabotaged in what way?

Erm yes I think so.

Every single job I do goes great for maybe 9 months, a year as I just turn up be myself with little expectations and then crack on with it. People seem to have some idea I’m very competent and confident.

Then without fail I’ll freak out about how well it’s seemingly going and I’ll overreact, tell someone that I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m massively lacking confidence and then they’ll take work off me.

tbh I feel like I just put so much pressure on myself and put an act of ‘I’ve got this all together’ to try and make a good impression then it’s not sustainable m. Wish I could just go into things and stay chilled/ b honest about the small things that I find difficult / need development on but here we are.

Dont know if this is the sort of thing you mean?

Could it be imposter syndrome?

@inabubble3 yes exactly that.

The only thing I can say is current job I went for about a year in my job keeping quiet about the small things, trying to bumble through because I thought I was being silly, it was normal new starter things. (In this job it’s more than that- the culture, a supervisor that seemingly wasn’t coping with her own things etc). Then I got a new supervisor who actually paid attention to my work (ie constructive feedback- which is really helpful for growth ) seemed to listen to me and I let it all out.

People seem shocked, as apparently my work is fine. This job has been slightly different in that it’s been a sham for a year or so which really doesn’t help but similar pattern happens in each job I do.

I actually think I have low self esteem so try to work as hard as I can, rarely asking for help, all enthusiastic etc . So then I pick up the job quickly, everyone thinks I’m away, doing great and really happy so they give me more complex things/ more responsibility etc and then the bubble bursts. Managers lap it up, and if I’m honest probably take advantage of it. I really really need to learn to slow down and understand that it’s a marathon not a sprint, to ask for help (how on earth are you meant to just know a job etc). And also maybe think ahead of my 1:1/supervision and try to think what my actual issues are - because I remember saying a lot of times “ I don’t know what I’m doing” which obviously isn’t super helpful to fix.

i think maybe we need to be mindful that we got our jobs, someone hired us and someone will tell us if we need to develop certain things. In the meantime slow down and stop putting so much pressure on ourselves.

Maybe it’s about finding the right job and the right team too? I’ve found mine a couple of times. Not convinced about my current one (tbh) but new supervisor seems keen to help me back on track.