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Why would someone who doesn't like me suck up to me?

12 replies

dontgetitpal · 10/01/2024 12:05

I am quite a straightforward person so in my personal life if I didn't like a person I wouldn't associate them, and if I am your friend I am your friend - no drama in my relationships.

At work obviously you can't not associate with someone you don't like. I get on with most people in life really and my natural default is being v friendly. I would be polite and professional with someone I don't like but wouldn't go out of my way to be friendly. There are also not many people I don't like in life, it is only nasty types I dislike.

There is a woman at work who has show herself to be quite devious. Talks behind people's backs to managers without discussing the (usually very minor) issue with people first, deflects blame, causes issues where there are none. Because of things she had done and instinct, I just know she doesn't like me. (don't want to give details as to be too outing)

She has done the above to me so I am quite wary. But always nice as pie to my face. The other day I asked her do something and I copied in my manager so my manager has visibility of what is going on as it would be typical of this colleague further down the line to say "i hadn't been asked to do this / wasn't aware."

Colleague called me shortly after and was sucking up to me and was proper up my arse? As someone who is honest I really have trouble understanding this behaviour. I don't even get why she was sucking up to me? Because i showed a bit of assertiveness due to copying my manager? Because she knows I am onto her?

People like this truly baffle me. Insights welcome of how to deal with such people or similar stories.

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 10/01/2024 12:17

Copying your manager in isn't assertive.

Lamelie · 10/01/2024 12:21

You are not straightforward.
You’re a drama llama.

barbarahunter · 10/01/2024 12:22

I would carry on as you are doing: copy the manager in whenever you request tasks. I would be polite but distant with the colleague, some people are just like that.

I have similar with a friend that is my DH's. I don't like him and I cannot imagine that he likes me, we are just too different and definitely not each other's types. He is a bit passive-aggressive to my face but apparently sings my praises to my DH when I'm not around. He is just two faced and probably wants to keep the friendship with my DH.

LordyMe · 10/01/2024 12:24

Maybe she is just trying to make more of an effort with you? I think you are overthinking it. Be polite and superficial friendly with her and crack on with work.

LightSwerve · 10/01/2024 12:29

Don't worry about why. The world is full of difficult people.

Just try to be neutral with the other person, if she causes problems you can discuss with your manager.

plumberdrain · 10/01/2024 12:44

why waste your time trying to get “insights” in to her

If you don’t like drama, don’t give it a nano seconds further thought

Aprilx · 10/01/2024 15:16

No idea why she is sucking up to you (if she is). But in that tale, you are the person I would be wary off. Copying in your manager is petty and a bit immature frankly.

MadamVastra · 10/01/2024 15:18

Woah cc'ing the manager for every task?

Noicant · 10/01/2024 15:20

Tbf I dealt with someone who would constantly deny they had been sent something or agreed to things verbally. It was extremely frustrating, I completely understand why you would copy your manager in.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/01/2024 15:23

I think you like drama a lot more than you claim.

JustAnotherKingCnut · 10/01/2024 15:25

In all honesty, I was once over nice to someone at work. It was because I really disliked them and struggled to work with them. In the end I tried to 'change the story' by being over nice to them to try and smooth the working relationship.

It worked and made my job easier.

plumberdrain · 10/01/2024 15:34

Aquamarine1029 · 10/01/2024 15:23

I think you like drama a lot more than you claim.

this

with bells on

anyone who describes themselves as “not liking drama” is someone who has had a lot of it in their life. And i suspect very much a driving force behind it

oh and this chestnut * it is only nasty types I dislike.* sets alarm bells ringing!!

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