I am soon to be returning to work after baby number 2. I am in a professional job where I am just below partner level.
Prior to going on mat leave last year I had a number of discussions re making a partnership application. Those were all very positive and at one stage I thought I would be given the green light to make an application whilst on mat leave, but shortly before my leave commenced this changed and I was told there were a couple more small things to work on.
Fastforward to now and in the last couple of months I have been getting the impression that the goalposts have moved. I’ve been told by several partners (all male) that I need to put my family first and that there’s no rush etc. This has irritated me as it seems sexist. Are they saying that if I put my family first I can’t be promoted, or that if I am promoted I haven’t put my family first?!
I work for a big company which does actually have reasonably good stats (comparatively at least) for women in the partnership, but in my area there are no female partners. It is not a company that has a big issue with sexism generally and prior to this I have never felt that my gender is relevant.
The key issue seems to be that as my work is international it is normal for senior people to travel a bit. With 2 small children, one of which I still breastfeed, this just isn’t possible right now. That doesn’t mean travel is essential as there is a lot that can be done in London or with just single night trips to Europe etc.
So my question is, am I right to be a bit p*ssed off by this? Or am I being over dramatic? I feel like I am being judged against a blanket set of objectives which were written by men, for men, and completely miss the value that I add. I did speak to one of the partners about it and was given a bit of a fob off answer (in which he told me that he knew exactly how I feel as he had a sabbatical and had to return to work after that…yeah, that’s exactly the same…). There are many female juniors in my team all of which come to me for advice and support etc. They look up to me and right now I am struggling to give them the encouragement that they need and deserve as I feel like they will end up in the same situation as me if they have a family. Male colleagues that are junior to me have already been made partner.
To the extent it is relevant, I have always worked full time (and will be returning full time). I am the breadwinner in my family, albeit DH also has a good job, but works 4 days a week.
Apologies that this is not as succinct as I had hoped. If anyone has any advice or suggestions as to how to handle this I would be very grateful. Right now I feel like simply giving up and just doing the minimum to maintain my position. I do not want to work extremely hard if the goal that I am aiming for is out of reach due to my gender and the fact I have children.