To be signed off with stress

[Luckylis32]

Hi guys

just looking for some advice mainly. I’ve been going through a lot lately my moms currently in hospital with sepsis and isn’t showing signs off getting better I’ve had to take a few days off work while she was in hospital as my siblings refused to take time off or wouldn’t for unknown reasons go and visit her a bit of back story I take care of mom full time however do work nights 12 hour shifts in a care setting 4 times a week I’ve been there over 4 years now and they know I take care of mom too, there’s only me at home siblings all have partners and children.

my mom has early onset of dementia has had a past stroke and now is very poorly with sepsis I’m shocked by my siblings lack of support and feel like everything is getting a bit much I’m trying to continue to work and visit mom however it’s left me exhausted I’m wondering if it would be worth going to the doctors and getting signed off with stress I wouldn’t want too long off just enough time so I can visit mom and also look at what options I have to get more support in place for when she comes home.

when I’ve tried for support in the past I’ve been told to quit my job and take care of mom full time I did this for three months hardly leaving the house and it left me with servere depression I actually enjoy going to work as it gets me out of the house and talking to other people I’m worried about losing my job because I’m taking so long off it’s all I really have.

I’ve had to take time off for the past 3 months one day in October for a sickness bug then a few days in November for a bad cold then just a few days at the end of December cause moms in hospital this would be my fourth month taking sick leave I don’t want to take the leave however feel like I can’t visit mom in the day so I can communicate with doctors and do 4 night shifts a week it’s leaving me exhausted I’ve tried communicating this with family however I just get told put her in a care home or if things are that bad the hospital can phone us I’m the only person visiting. My mom is only 57 and is usually quite well when she got told about her dementia she begged me not to put her in a home unless absolutely necessary if she went into one now she could be in one for 30 years.

am I being unreasonable for requesting a sick note for stress? What do you think the chances of me being sacked are? My attendence is usually quite good but I just feel guilty like I’m taking the p*ss

I'm so sorry to read about your mother and your family circumstances (your siblings and the lack of support).

I wonder if you might get some useful advice and support on the Elderly Parents forum if you post there as well?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/elderly_parents

I realise that your mother isn't elderly but she has a condition associated with older people.

when I’ve tried for support in the past I’ve been told to quit my job and take care of mom full time

Who told you that and what support had you requested?

I was going to suggest the elderly parents board too as there's lots of knowledgeable people about accessing care and support.

What do you think the chances of me being sacked are?

I don't think anyone can reliably answer this.

I would observe that you've already had 3 separate episodes of absence in 3 months, so a fourth episode is likely to trigger absence procedures. It will depend on your employer what that looks like and whether it's supportive or not.

Have you talked to your employer about the stress you’re under? Would they reduce or adjust your working hours or do you feel you just need to stop for a while?

I’ve already asked about hours reduction and change of hours and I’ve been told no as there’s no one to do my hours there currently going through a high turnover mainly down to the workload my managers know what’s going on and try to be supportive however they can make you feel guilty for example when I fount my mother I was litreally on my way to work I went to say goodbye to her and I fount her unresponsive floppy I called 999 and they said they were going to take her in I called work and told them my managers response was “I’ve been at work all day and now I’m gonna have to work all night” I completely appreciate that however it’s not my fault so many staff are quitting when I called the next day to say I wasn’t gonna be in I just got fine okay