I started a job before Christmas, my first full time role since having children, and being a single parent, and it is a complete nightmare. The woman who I’m working under is so horrible, she talks over me, treats me like i’m an idiot, she told me to hurry up the other day, she made me work the afternoon on the last day before Christmas when everyone else clocked off at lunchtime. I’m finding it really triggering as its so like how the ex treated me, she even told me I had imagined something she said, when I know I didnt, it was on a recorded meeting so i have listened back and its even there! I did do some work experience at the same place a while ago so had sort of experienced being back in the work place, and thought I knew what it would be like. They pride themselves as being family friendly too, but it has been a total and utter nightmare and I’m now having sleepless nights and nightmares when I do sleep, about having to go back there in the new year.
First of all a lot as changed in the work place since I’ve been out, I’m not a dinosaur and I have kept up with IT etc but its a different thing when you have to use MS Teams quickly for example when you’ve not used it in a work situation before. Of course I’ll get it the more i use it but the manager has said things like “I haven’t got all day” and “Come on, its not that difficult!”. I also have primary aged children so the run up to Christmas was crazy busy admin juggle as I’m sure any parent knows. So anyway, my line manager is a bit younger than me but with similar aged children. She interviewed me and seemed nice, and understanding about being a single parent, and I also know she knows the background to the separation which was domestic abuse. But she totally backtracked on the flexible working and was expecting me to be in the office in office hours which was really hard as they only gave two weeks notice to start and so it was hard to find childcare in December with all that was going on. They knew that and I told them it was a condition of me starting before Christmas and they agreed but not in writing just in a conversation. Also not what they said in the interview as you’re allowed to work from home too but she had a go at me in the last week and said I needed to officially arrange it. Even though I had discussed it with her already. Its all really crazy making and I don’t know what to do, It really wrecked my Christmas as I’ve been worrying about it, and its also brought back my PTSD again as I think its triggered me too much.
What do I do? I really need a job and need to have a certain number of payslips for my mortgage renewal – so I can’t just not go back, and also it will look bad on my CV, but I also know that its not something that can be sorted out with HR and I just do not want to go down that avenue, I don’t have energy to be fighting for my rights within a workplace having been doing it for the last X number of years with ex, which Im also still having to with a court date this month. Not sure what Im looking for really here, understanding, anyone else been through this, i need some advice on how to handle it?
Is it just the result of counselling and therapy and groupwork and now having the tools to recognise a bully and a narcissist at twenty paces and an inherent need to now boundary that ASAP before it gets out of control. I tried to challenge her on it, in the best way I could think of by asking offline what was wrong as she was clearly frustrated with me and she just denied it and told me i was imagining it. All our interactions have been remotely as she works elsewhere and the one chance we had to meet up when she came to our site she didn't bother to make an arrangement to meet me in person. I've had no direct hand over about the job and have been expected to do it myself, watch hours and hours of online training, and she gets really angry with me if I haven't understood something when she then asks me to do something. Its so weird, but im still not sure if this is the new workplace - and how things have changed in 12 years. Any advice on how to behave towards this person, in this situation, which I probably have to be in in the next couple of months. How do I lessen the impact on me, lessen her effect, and how do I not rub her up the wrong way as this is very clearly what is happening, like my ex, everything I say and do is wrong. So if you have to work with someone like this, how do you do it?
Thank you. x