Two job offers

[Spongeb0b]

Have to make a decision by tomorrow. Both similar fields. Job A: 10k more than job B and current job, a promotion, lots of scope for progression but probably as far as I'd want to progress anyway, interesting and challenging. Hideous and expensive commute. Talking 2 hours each way. No homeworking and no flexibility (believe me I've tried negotiating) Job B: not a promotion. Less money and seniority than job A. More money than current job still as more hours. Still decent scope for progression though, interesting and challenging, Flexi time and the ability to almost exclusively WFH.

Basically my dilemma is do I swap the 10k pay rise (this will go up each year whereas post B will go up a bit, but then stop unless I go for promotion) for more of a sideways move which will give me flexibility and WFH. I have 3 children so this is hugely appealing. Both jobs very good in terms of security, pensions etc. Thanks for any help deciding!

B. WFH has been fantastic through the primary years.

I can’t believe you’re even considering Job A tbh- it sounds totally unsustainable.

B. You sound like you actually want job B

I agree with @popplego , the more you post the more I think your talking yourself into job B....which given the choice is the job I'd go for!

If A is full time it’s not do-able IME as a commuter.

Job B. No brainer. WFH is the best.

Job B. The commute will grind you down in the end. Use Job B as a springboard to an even better paying job with better conditions. No brainer.

Thanks everyone. I think you are right and I am talking myself in to job B.

I think I was flattered by such a big promotion prospect (in terms of title, training, and 10k + in terms of pay - within 5 years it would be 15k) and relieved that I'd be earning more and started thinking would I be absolutely mad to knock it back.

I do definitely need something else as there is a big lack of stability at the moment where I am without being too outing, and while I love my job, it's not flexible hence I have to stay part time when I can't really afford to be.

The one which is (for the vast majority bar the occasional meeting) WFH means that while on paper it's not a pay rise, no travel costs plus being able to be full time means that it will still work out as more money (although of course not as much as job A, but a pp raises a good point regarding travel costs, increased NI, tax, student loan etc etc). Ironically that one will be a big commute too - but only very occasionally and the fact they have flexi means I won't be stressing that I'm going to be late due to unreliable transport etc.

I just need to be brave now, both in terms of saying no to job A tomorrow and letting current job know I'll be handing in my notice 🤣😬

Meant to say, also no scope for promotion in current job for the foreseeable, due to instability within the company - hence I'm feeling a bit stuck

B, thinking of the kids. I doubt 10k would work out as enough take home to justify that commute and being away from the kids constantly.

Totally job B. But tell job A when you turn them down that the answer would have been different if there had been hybrid working opportunities.

@OurfriendsintheNE good idea - I will. When I asked about flexibility the answer was along the lines of, more junior staff don't get that, so we can't be seen to do it either. Type A is the type of role where I can see how some face to face presence is needed. But I know for a fact there are other similar roles out there that do hybrid and manage their services perfectly well. To me there is no difference between doing the admin type parts of the job in a physical office or doing it from home, (other than I get more done as I'm not chatting to colleagues!), or commuting miles in a stressful commute to attend meetings that could be attended remotely at the click of a button.

@Sweethearte yes even when trying to put my practical, think of the money head on, that was worrying me. I don't want to feel like I hardly see them at the start of end of the day purely because of a commute I'm not getting paid for. I was also thinking about how parts of (both jobs and my current) can be very stressful. The thought of a particularly hard day when you just want to be home then having to face a lot of travel isn't very appealing.

B. Wfh is worth its weight in gold.

Job b

its just not the right time for you to take something like job a.

Absolutely this, OP. I would not want to work for a company who were so inflexible and unwilling to find a compromise. I wonder in what other areas they show inflexibility? What if you needed to leave early/on time because of family commitments but you were needed to be in a late meeting in the office instead?

Having said that, if the increase was £20K rather than £10K I'd still consider it and suck up the awkward, expensive commute for 12-18 months and use the higher salary when negotiating for a new job at that point. You could use the extra money to fund wrap around care.

Regarding job B: it sounds like the options of WFH and working flexi are more of a value currently, taking stress off commuting time (especially on the way home after a busy day) as you could do a near full time job anyway because you'd be WFH. Re salary for Job B: do they have benefits like car allowance? My last company baulked at my base salary, which was higher than their top band for my role, but they gave me a generous car allowance (I didn't drive) and which I put straight back in my company's pension scheme. Might there be any leeway like this for you? Even if they don't, Job B is still the better deal I think, especially if you see potential difficulties with your current job.

Good luck, and do let us know what decision you make! 🌹

I think you really want job A but the commute is putting you off- which is understandable. Personally I commute alot and don't mind it, I read books, meditate, think about random things etc. My kids are older though so it's not an issue for me. How old are your kids? What kind of hours will you be out of the house?

Realistically, could you manage it?

@Newestname002 ooh I hadn't thought of that, there may be a car allowance, I'll check! I've thought about stuff like needing to leave early/on time and while I think they seem really reasonable as employers, stuff like that can and does pop up I suppose - and I think the difference is, if say a meeting overran or something urgent arose as is often the case in my line of work, then that would blow the timing of the commute out of the water. I need to get to public transport option number 2 by a certain time so need to get public transport option number 1 at a certain time before that, etc etc. I've also thought about stuff like what if trains were cancelled, what if a bus was late, what if the hefty walk at the end was held up due to snow and ice etc etc

@Undineimmor yeah - if I'm honest, if that job was within an hours commute or even if it were longer but was a more straightforward one, I'd be extremely tempted to take it. I hadn't realised quite how nightmarish it was until I went for interview and that wasn't at rush hour 😅

Another thing I've thought of - poorly kids. I have a DH who is brilliant - but if we got the phone call to pick them up, that would fall to him 100% every time whereas at the minute we share the load, and that's the way I like it to be. If something happened it would be an hour and 40 at least before I could get there whereas with job B I could be at the nursery and schools in minutes. Right, I I've decided - I think 😅 thank you everyone. Yay I have a new job haha.

Congratulations Spongebob!

Thank you @Undineimmor any advice from anyone about how to turn down job A greatly appreciated 😅 I definitely don't want to burn my bridges as it's a small world I work in. But I will be honest about the reasons which I'm hoping they can understand!

I would say there will probably only be a car allowance if you’re out of the office more than 50% of the time.

When I did my long commute, it snowed and trains were being cancelled. I just had to leave the office at 11am. They weren’t impressed but the other alternative was being snowed in and staying in the office overnight. They told me I had to make my hours up and huffed when I pointed out I really did extra hours without compensation and as it was, I only had 5 hours to make up the next day. I also got very good at saying “is this worth me being an hour late home or can it realistically wait until tomorrow” when something cropped up. In most cases it would be something that would take 10-15 minutes and wasn’t urgent so could absolutely wait. You have to be diligent with it and make everyone aware the impact it would have on your commute.

It’s also not just when the kids are sick but it’s when you’re sick. You wake up in the morning and you’re a little under the weather but by lunchtime you’re feeling really bad and you now need to get home. Or when you want to take a half day for appointments or school things and you just find it’s not worth it because you still won’t be back until 2pm. I know you’ve decided Job B is better but it still feels like you’re a little undecided.

To job A you say thank you for the opportunity, you’ve been offered another job. Unfortunately this job suits your circumstances a little more at the moment. You don’t need to give the reasons, even if they ask, but if they do just say it’s more flexible. I know it’s a small field but you haven’t done anything to burn bridges then, if they aren’t happy with it then honestly you’ve had a lucky escape because they definitely wouldn’t be happy when you have to take the day off due to sick kids or want to attend a school assembly.

Thank you @CremeBrunette all very valid points. And you are right, while I've made my decision, I think I will probably wonder for a while if it's the right one. Those couple of examples that we have all found ourselves experiencing before - feeling poorly once we've already got to work - or having to nip out for an appt for an hour or a special assembly etc, have really given me food for thought. When stuff like that happens at the moment, it can often feel tricky. With that kind of commute I think it would feel impossible. I would also probably cringe inwardly, every time something ran over and I had to explain that it was essential that I left on time...