Feeling very sad

[feckingGobshite]

I'm feeling pretty deflated and sad. New dream role eight month probationary period.

Every month- amazing feedback, probation going well. Felt very supportive team and manager, big on work life balance open culture and encouraged to express if workload proving difficult which I've never done as from experience it's used as ammunition in previous role many years ago so since then never have.

Finally felt able to share that last week I've felt a bit stressed but not unmanageable which triggered seven month review a few days earlier.

Review last week (7 month review)discussed this and mentioned extending probation period. On my HR file (open to each person) each month has no issues and nothing but praise.

I'm struggling to get through today and sorely tempted to log off and say I'm unwell and go cry into a pillow or something. I hybrid work never had a day off since I've been here.

I left a job I did for a long time that built my confidence up and loved. I was too comfortable It took me ages to make decision as I loved it so much and wasn't going to leave for anything less then a dream role which this is. That's Christmas ruined for me. I feel like my policy for years about not sharing was proven correct. Because my work itself and I quote is "excellent with never ending enthusiasm and passion shown which is a great asset to the team and we want you to succeed".

It seems so unfair to mention extension with no basis on my work quality and just on stress levels which were manageable

God how do I proceed with this. I know I should suck it up and crack on really.
I could get my job back today if I wanted. But I don't want it I want this.
What a fucked up situation.
I've never managed to pass a probation period first time always extended but several years in same role and change of life circumstances means I'm a grown up and different person. I had a goal of passing this with no extension which is clearly not going to happen

I'm open to constructive criticism

Well it is too late now, but if you felt things were manageable then there was no need to talk about being stressed. A probationary period is to asses how things are working out, a new(ish) employee feeling stressed is not a great sign and you perhaps signalled that it wasn’t fully working out. If you are generally feeling ok, I would keep the feedback positive.

I don't see what you being stressed has to do with them extending your probation period, particularly if your previous reviews have all been glowing. A good manager would look at what's causing the stress and help you to identify ways to manage it or whether you need additional training/support in your role. Extending your probation period further is likely to cause additional stress.

I wouldn't be very impressed at them tbh. What is the cause of the stress?

You could see this as a supportive measure - to extend the probationary period. It would be interesting to know if this happened for others

However, forewarned is forearmed

Paint in the smile - do your job, give positive feedback. This gives you time and not ammo for them. If you looked stressed and grumpy ( understandably) then you give them ammo re probationary period. Ideally what they are doing should be supportive ( and it may still be) - but you need time to find out and time to think if your options.

Best of luck OP

If you’ve never passed your probation period first time then there are clearly issues with how you initially take on a role.
It’s possible to get glowing reviews of what is going well while still having fundamental areas to work on.

take their feedback on board and work on what needs to be worked on.

So take the constructive criticism and carry on learning. They apparently want to keep you and support you to do your job??? Listen to what they’ve got to say about areas to improve and carry on doing the things you are good at. If you want this job it seems to be yours.

Finally felt able to share that last week I've felt a bit stressed but not unmanageable which triggered seven month review a few days earlier.

are you certain that all you said was "I feel a bit stressed but not unmanageable" because if so, they have seriously over reacted to that simple comment. Was it your tone of voice, body language or demeanour that led to them giving you a review at seven months? Was there no other incident in the entire time you've been in post?

Done now and lesson learnt- again. It’s not your fault and your policy of not mentioning it was the right one in my experience.

I’d do some damage limitation- go in carefree and smiley from now onwards, talk about how much you enjoy the work, you made the right decision going to work there. It was great to share your little wobble the other day- feel so much better now- back on track- la la la.

It’s not the end of the world and next review you’ll be back to top class again. Don’t speak about it to anyone at work.

Most importantly, remember it’s only work, not life. I’m old and retired now, and devoted 40 years of my life to my work- what for? I wish I had enjoyed my life, my youth, my family when I was expending every waking hour thinking about work. Even a long life goes in a flash- enjoy it while you can.

Thanks everyone.
I've taken all feedback on board and feeling a bit more positive

As an update i indeed failed probation on the basis of what I said above and for no other reason. Was reiterated how good I am at my role and how I'd have passed my probation had it not been for that.
Why the fuck I shared that is beyond me.
I now have a month extension. Which is more stress.

I despair OP, I really do. So they've turned round your disclosure and instead of engaging with you and getting to the bottom of the source of your stress, they've found fault and punished you.

Quite frankly I would put the feelers out and plan to leave when you've found something else.

havent they heard of the concept of Psychological Safety where people can speak openly and with honesty about concerns? They're living in the 1950's, completely clueless about modern approaches to getting the best from their people.

did they actually say they were extending probation due to your report of feeling stressed at work? Did they give any other reasons?

if so and you consider the workload manageable, you could say you just had a bad day, point out that you’d had no negative feedback prior to 7 months and ask to close probation. If they refuse just work the rest of it. It’s not a huge difference given you have almost no unfair dismissal rights for 2 years anyway.

Unless your workload / job pressure is light and the issue is you, you’ve also learned that their stated approach to workload etc doesn’t match the reality.

Literally just that work is brilliant but around time and stress etc I feel upset but determined to get through this

I would be a bit concerned about the workplace culture; my current employers are always terrified of anyone saying they feel stressed etc during probation incase they up and leave, we have loads of well-being check ins etc.

They sound fake-concerned for their own benefit and tbh, finding a company NOT like that is rare. I've learnt the same myself the hard way - do not divulge anything in future, they are out for their profits, they are not your friends.