Is this question innapropriate?

[Stefka]

I had an interivew the other day in which I was asked what my plans for the future were and when I paused the interviewer continued with 'You're a young mum - how are you going to balance home and work?'. I wondered if he meant am I planning on more kids and what am I going to do with the one I have already got. Am I reading too much into that or was it a wee bit dodgy?

Well I think its definitely dodgy. Would he have asked a young Dad the same question?

You should have said " well, as a woman i am more than capable of multi tasking so it shouldn't be a problem!"

It is inappropriate stefka. What did you say?

I said that it's always difficult to balance work and home life but I was in fortunate position of loving my job so it wasn't a concern. I thought the same as you dustystar - would he have asked a young dad that question?

Totally discriminatory. You should not be asked that question at interview - I wouldn't want to work somewhere with those attitudes; I think it shows you just how unprofessional they are

I guess you may be desperate for the job but I hope you have other applications on the go!

TBh I think it wasn't discriminatory provided they asked everyone exactly the same question - but of course they almost certainly didn't - 'you're a young dad - how are you going to balance home and work?' 'you're a 50-year-old ex-politician - how are you going to balance home and work?' 'you're a 15-year-old fire-eater and juggler - how are you going to balance home and work?'

If you are keen on the job, I would consult an employment lawyer or ACAS. If you don't care much about the job, you could still shop them - it's against the law.

That's a pretty good response, I'd say. It is a potentially discriminatory question, the chances are he would not have asked the same of a young dad or a childless person.

I think you need to have a think about two things - firstly do you really want to work there - if this person would be your boss, this attitude he has will be relevant each time you need time off because DS/D is sick, has a doctors appt, sports day or whatever, or when your childcare lets you down.

Secondly, if you don't get the job (assuming you do want it), do you want to consider complaining?

I haven't heard from them so am assuming I didn't get it. I am a bit gutted as I did want it but you are right about the attitude of the boss being off putting in terms of working there. It's frustrating as I felt the interview went well up to that point.

Stefka assuming you haven't got it do you want to consider investigating the discrimination option and putting in a complaint?

I don't think I have the never which is bad really as people shouldn't be able to ask those types of questions. I feel really unemployable right now!

I mean nerve

Hi,

Really sad you experienced that question at interview, i hope that its a standard question, its not illegal as you know from the other posts but it is questionable that it is appropriate or relevant. Did the job involve long hours or travel or anything that may have resulted in you being away from home? then it may have been justified.

You can write and ask for feedback and see the reasons they give you and i think if you still feel it may have been discriminatory pursue it a little, you may just make it better for others, or get some sort of settlement if you can be bothered to pursue it!!

Stefka there's no need for you to feel unemployable. Most employers don't have this attitude I promise! And although this question was inappropriate, there is a possibility the manager in question really didn't know or think there was anything wrong in it. I'm not making excuses at all but it may or may not reflect his overall attitude to women/mothers at work.

If you still think you could work there it might be worth just chasing them to get an answer about the interview.

Pursuing the discrimination option would be difficult, it's hard to prove it, might depend on who the other candidates actually were, whether they were all asked the same, all sorts of things, and depending on the circumstances, any settlement might be very limited. You would be expected to mitigate your loss, which means you'd be expected to carry on applying for work and if you get another job, your actual loss is minimal. Similarly a tribunal might take the view that you would have been unlikely to get the job anyway, not sure.

You need to weigh up all these things and decide what the best outcome for you would be and think about how to get there.

I don't think I am going to chase it up - I don't want to rock the boat as it was a school interview and schools talk to each other. Also the chances are it had nothing to do with me not getting the job since in the last year I have applied and been rejected for 14. I was heavily pregnant for some of those but still - I think I must be doing something wrong here!

I have worked in recruitment in the past, and when I have been asked by candidates how to respond to this type of questions (particularly those ladies who are returning to work) I have recommended that they turn it around on the interviewer.

Ask them about their families, if they have one, and how they balance things out or take care of childcare. It soon makes it clear that it is virtually irrelevant.

In fact, this sort of technique is quite handy is a variety of situations where sticky interview questions.

Hope this helps anyone else going through this type of thing.

I once interviewed with a manager whose wife had just given birth to triplets. He was in a state of shock as they were just a few weeks old, he'd had no sleep and he'd had zero experience of children until his triplets came along. He was an absolute wreck and it was all he could talk about.

We interviewed a woman who mentioned she had twins. He immediately asked how she managed to balance work and home. Of course, she was a bit miffed about this question until I jumped in and explained his situation. He wasn't being discriminatory; he genuinely was interested in her experience and was grateful for any reassurance he could get that he and his wife were going to cope. Understandably, she didn't see it that way until he showed the photos and I reassured her. I gave him a poke after the interview as it really wasn't an appropriate thing to say at all, he really put the organisation at risk.

It doesn't matter if they meant to be discriminatory. What matters is your perception of the situation.

Have you had any feedback on your interview performance? Most interviewers are willing to give it. Do you have relevant experience? How do you think you perform at interview?