Meeting HR advice please - don't want to go back after mat leave

[kookykalki]

Before going on maternity leave I had planned to return to work after 6 months (part time) and then go full time at 10months. My DC is now 8 months and I'm still on maternity leave. I want to take the full year. DH is supportive of whatever I decide. (Finance wise I am fortunate that DH earns well and that we are not dependent on my salary. Work only gave me SMP but DH has been supporting me this past year.)

I have a meeting on Tues with HR and I have no idea what to say.

I just cannot imagine returning to work full time. I've sort of buried my head in the sand about it all and haven't even looked at nurseries. DH and I have spoken about it and also a nanny but my heart is just not in it.

I think I can just about stomach part time but even then I cannot imagine leaving DC for ~10hours (I have a 90min commute to work each way). The longest I've been away from DC is maybe 4.5 hours and even then I was anxious to return to her.

I am tempted to be a SAHM until DC is 3-4 or at primary school age. But so many mums(with older DC) advise me to at least do part time. My job isn't something I've been working towards my entire career and I was in fact in the middle of a career switch and so I was thinking of not staying there for very long anyway.

I keep flip floppimg between part time and not going back at all. I know in the civil service you can have 2 years off and so I am telling myself that it isn't unusual to want longer with DC and maybe at least take one more year...

I have no idea what to say to HR. I haven't made my mind up. But need to sound professional with them and that I care about my job if I do decide to stay on.

I would love some advice on how to navigate my meeting with HR on Tuesday. Anything at all. Thank you in advance xx

Is it the sort of meeting where you can ask to explore options about coming back part time and what has been possible in the past?

Could you maybe request a 6 month career break and see where you are at the end of that.
Personally I would be a SAHM if it is affordable and not going to affect your career progress. If you are thinking of a career change you could maybe do some relevant courses/ training .

It's actually a new company and I was the first to have a baby there. I was the first to ask them about considering have a maternity/parental leave package etc.

But yes, the meeting is supposed to be casual but the CEO will be on it as well as my line manager and HR (small company and I was head hunted by CEO so that's why CEO is there maybe). It feels like a huge deal because I've not been in contact with them at all other than telling them I've had a baby and saying thanks for the gift they sent me.

I had a bit of a traumatic birth and am still receiving care for birth injuries... I don't know whether to mention that stuff on the call either as I'd need to make some changes to my old working pattern (I would have a day every week where I'd be travelling around the country etc)

I'd never thought of that. Thank you. I'll chat it over with DH too.

Bump.

Does this sound like a reasonable approach?

I would like to know if there are any options around flexible working/part time working and if not I will look into how I will come back full time?

Do you think I should tell them I would like to work 2.5 days a week with one of those days in the office?

The office in general prefers people to come in 4 days a week.

If they prefer people working FT to come into the office for 4 days ( 80%) then they are not going to agree to you coming in one day out of 2.5 days ( 40% ).

Also there is no point in doing a half day - once you take your child to nursery etc you might as well do a full day.

A lot depends on how flexible your hours are what childcare you will be using.

Is your husband going to do morning drop off or evening pick up at nursery / childminders ? it’s good of you to have taken the 8 months off to support your husbands career but now it’s time for him to step up and take some of the responsibility for childcare as well. Could he do eg all the pick ups and drop offs on 3 days and you could work three long days ? If you did two in the office and one from home that would allow you do work about 0.75WTE.

Of course that depends on your commute and your type of job.

it’s not lunch to ask your baby’s father to do the pick up / drop off for three days if you are doing full time care for two days. of course you would need to share housework /childcare 50:50 in evenings and weekends.

DH can work from home two days a week and so he can do drop off/pick up on those days.

I might ask for compressed hours.. gosh I don't know. My commute is hideous. It's 90min-ish on a good day.

With respect to working from home.. it seems like those who have children (there are three mums) started working on the understanding that they work from home on the days they need to. And those without dependents do the 4 days in the office - sorry should have made that more clear. It's a small company (11 staff and I was their 6th hire) so I'm hoping they can be accommodating 🤞

I understand how you’re feeling. Before my baby was a year old, I absolutely struggled with the idea of going back to work and I said to them I would go back 2 days a week, working six hours each of those two days (so only 12 hours) or not at all. They agreed. My daughter is 7 now and I although I now work three days, my days are even shorter at 4.75 hours each of those days.

I will say that once my daughter turned one, and started to move out of the baby phase, returning was much easier and it was such a luxury to have a cup of tea in peace!

I would consider working part time all the way through the primary years - they need you so much at school. Going in to read with them, assemblies etc. I see so many sad faces when I go in to do these activities with my daughter and despite it being four years in, some kids still look for the parents that never show up. I would hate that for my daughter.

I went back to work only because we needed the money.

If you don't need the money cos DH earns well, then I would tell them you're not going back and have more time at home. Until you are ready to return to work, to whatever you were going to switch to.

I wouldn't leave it too long, not so you can't get back into work. It is important in the end to have your own ability to earn income.

I didn't return after maternity leave to the same job. But I did go back to work to earn money as a freelance (nice high day rate to compensate for being away from my children). I wouldn't be able to stand that long commute keeping you from your child for extra hours.

Once 2nd child was on the way to school age I stopped being a part time freelance and got a salaried job again - still part time at that stage. Because you can never tell what is ahead in life, I'm now the main breadwinner and full time. It was very important not to completely fall out of the jobs market.

But right now when your baby is so young, and DH earns well - stay with baby for now.