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Original poster

Training a guy who is extremely whiffy

22 replies

AnonymousElephant · 05/12/2023 23:19

Looking for some outside input.
My DP is a manager who has been training a new starter for the last 4 weeks or so. He said that this new guy smells so bad that it has almost made him sick. Some of his team have also come to him saying his odour is making it difficult to even concentrate, which he understands as he is experiencing the same thing. It’s been cold recently but the office has had to have all the windows open to get some fresh air coming in. You get the picture.

Anyway, he’s happy to speak to him about it. Now the question is, how does one do this without upsetting him too much? Or not at all even?
The new guy apparently takes off his shirt (over his t-shirt) when he arrives into the office and puts it on the back of his chair after taking off his coat. So my DP is going to say to him that there’s a pungent odour coming from the shirt and coat and suggest to him he washes them, and that he can also smell odour when they’re doing training together.

He's happy with this approach, but I’m just wondering if there’s another approach to this. I’m just feeling sorry for this new guy but I don’t really have any other ideas to offer.

So clever MN people, any ideas on how best to approach this? What to say really? Or do you think my DP has it covered with what he’s planning to say? Any experience with this sort of thing?

And just to add, he’s not planning to get HR involved with this conversation as he thinks it’s better coming from him as he’s his manager and is training him.
Thanks!!

OP posts:
LylaLee · 05/12/2023 23:24

He's failed in his duty as manager allowing this to go on for four weeks.

On day 1 he should have said ' is there a medical issue we need to be aware of?' If not, tell him he needs to launder his clothes as there is a pungent odour. Day 3: 'Still smelly & you've said there is no medical issue and it's not your clothes. There's a hygiene issue, new guy.'

brokenbitbybit · 05/12/2023 23:32

Agree with @LylaLee
Why has he let this go on for so long?

DNLove · 05/12/2023 23:37

I think there needs to be a bit more info provided. Age? Is this some young man's first time loving or of home, mammy did everything and doesn't have independent living sorted. Or is this a man in his 30's that's just a scruffy shite.
Is it the same clothes every day or is he changing clothes but still smelling.
Is it possible given this is new job he hasn't/doesn't had hot water until he gets paid?
Is there a shower available in the office that he could be directed to?

Original poster
AnonymousElephant · 05/12/2023 23:50

The new guy was originally in another department and he was only with my DP’s team 1-2 days a week to start with so it wasn’t an all day every day thing from the start. I suppose it’s been more full time for a couple weeks. He’s also had quite a lot of time off sick in this short period of time and DP has been very busy.

Chat on Day 1 though??

He was hoping the odour issue would pass but he’s happy to speak to him about it now.

OP posts:
CrapBucket · 05/12/2023 23:54

Best to be direct as your DH is planning. Obviously in a private place. And have an end to the conversation planned where the employee can have some dignity, ie it’s the end of the day now so everyone leaves for home, rather than telling someone they smell and then they have to sit by a colleague self consciously for another couple of hours.

Original poster
AnonymousElephant · 05/12/2023 23:57

@DNLove Early twenties. Has had other jobs apparently. Same overshirt every day (and coat). He usually has 1 of 3 t-shirts he’ll rotate. DP not too sure of his living situation but seems to have some money as he has spoken about some of the things he’s purchased recently.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnonymousElephant · 06/12/2023 00:06

@CrapBucket Thanks. Speaking to him at the end of the day is a very good point and suggestion.

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mrsfollowill · 06/12/2023 00:10

It's an awful convo to have to do but he's best just being direct and make sure it's private- I've had to tell a woman on my team (many years ago) she smelled. To be fair it was all her clothes were musty and i don't think she bathed or showered either. He needs to speak right at the end of the day so the guy can go home, clean up and sort himself out.
Is there anything else going on though? The lady I spoke to was a raging alcoholic but no-one had any idea until she died from cirrhosis . Someone at DH's work was the same.
However, one of DS's friends was like this and it was because there was no hot water ever for washing or clothes washing- poor kid was smelly through no fault of his own. We took him in for a few days when he was kicked out of home aged 17 and I was quite blunt he had to shower/bath every day and washed all his clothes- to be fair the lad appreciated it.

Headband · 06/12/2023 00:18

Can he use the 'shit sandwich' technique? So , say he's doing well in the job and is liked by colleagues, then , there's a sensitive issue that needs addressing, I've noticed that sometimes I can smell an unpleasant odour, is there a problem at all ? End with telling him about something he's done well and to keep up the good work.

stomachameleon · 06/12/2023 00:32

@Headband I am not very confrontational and would definitely go with the shit sandwich approach.

LylaLee · 06/12/2023 00:35

Yes OP. Day 1 this should have been addressed.

WilmaWonka · 06/12/2023 00:55

Agree with chat at end of day tomorrow in a private space, preferably with a closed door.

I’d avoid words like ‘pungent’ and ‘odour’ as that sounds a bit sanctimonious.

As PP said, ‘well Jack, you’re doing really well, really pleased with how you’re picking up (whatever) etc. There is an issue I feel I need to raise though as I’m concerned that others may notice and this may reflect on you unfairly. There is a noticeable smell which seems to be coming from your clothes which can be quite strong at times. You may not be aware and I have no desire to embarrass you but could you do something rectify this so I don’t have to have this really awkward conversation again!

Psyberbaby · 06/12/2023 01:41

What was he off sick for?

Original poster
AnonymousElephant · 06/12/2023 08:41

@Headband ha, shit sandwich! Yes that sounds a very good approach. I didn’t realise this way had such a name. I use this regularly myself at work!

OP posts:
horseymum · 06/12/2023 08:45

There is a medical condition called fish odour syndrome or similar which is affected by what the person eats. It may be they have that but not prepared to avoid the foods which affect it. A teen I know has it and hates it but knows strategies to help.

Candleabra · 06/12/2023 08:47

I don’t like the shit sandwich as an approach. It dilutes the important message. Someone who needs telling that they smell does not need to read through the lines.

Be direct and keep the conversation to one subject. Overall performance can be addressed separately.

Original poster
AnonymousElephant · 06/12/2023 08:47

@WilmaWonka that’s very good, thanks! I did think using “pungent” was a no no too but thought “odour” was ok but I see your point.
And yes the intention was to chat to him privately about it. Thanks again🙂

OP posts:
Original poster
AnonymousElephant · 06/12/2023 08:54

Psyberbaby · 06/12/2023 01:41

What was he off sick for?

Cold and cough and tummy bug type stuff apparently.

OP posts:
saraclara · 06/12/2023 08:54

Agree that this is not the place for a shit sandwich.that only works where the three comments are connected. The smell has nothing to do with either of the good things, so it's either screamingly obvious that it's a cowardly shit sandwich, or it dilutes the message. Or both.

A simple "I've noticed that there's quite a smell in here during the day. I imagine that is because you're wearing that same overshirt every day. Can I suggest that you launder your clothing more frequently and ensure that you attend to your personal hygiene? I'd hate a simple resolveable issue to affect your office and client relationships"

DNLove · 06/12/2023 10:09

If this person is new and also still on probation your husband may be best not to state that he is really happy with his work as if he needs to let him go if the hygiene doesn't improve it may leave him open to unfair dismissal. Focus on the issue and tell them it is impacting the team.

Original poster
AnonymousElephant · 06/12/2023 11:21

saraclara · 06/12/2023 08:54

Agree that this is not the place for a shit sandwich.that only works where the three comments are connected. The smell has nothing to do with either of the good things, so it's either screamingly obvious that it's a cowardly shit sandwich, or it dilutes the message. Or both.

A simple "I've noticed that there's quite a smell in here during the day. I imagine that is because you're wearing that same overshirt every day. Can I suggest that you launder your clothing more frequently and ensure that you attend to your personal hygiene? I'd hate a simple resolveable issue to affect your office and client relationships"

Edited

Thanks for the useful dialogue here - I shall pass it on!

OP posts:
Original poster
AnonymousElephant · 06/12/2023 11:29

Some very good replies. Much appreciated. I shall pass them on and he’ll likely tweak his chat now with some of these suggestions👏

OP posts:
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