Job offer dilemma.. experiences and thoughts welcome

[YetAnotherusernamechange7890]

Can anyone offer an opinion:

Have been at current employer 8 years. Had 2 years off with mat leaves in the middle. Now part time 0.8 across 3.5 days. Not being pushed especially. Pay is fine, 100% wfh - no travel, some short term travel could be needed just depends on projects. Won’t progress further under these conditions but fine, have not expressed to them that I want to. Wfh is very widely accepted and remote teams common, even if working from offices- they are on different continents.

Have a tiny niggle for wanting progression, more £ would certainly be useful. feel a little pigeon holed where I am though tbh it has suited me.
Have looked at various jobs - no where I’ve applied to will take me on less than full time. I still have pre schooler so this is non negotiable for me for now.

Recently approached out of the blue by a similar firm. More senior role, 1/3 uplift in salary, happy to take me at 0.7 or 0.8. brilliant!
here’s the thing.. work from home majority of the time but a trip to European city HQ every quarter 2/3 nights and most people are office based or at least based in that country. I’d be atypical..

Pre kids this would have been a No brainer, I’d have gone for it. I’m just not sure I can do it.. thoughts about having to be present for every thing, travel bound to land on a show or parents evening or that time they just really want their mum. Fretting about being away.. and while I don’t want to model living from a place of fear to them.. here I am, wondering what it would be like travelling without them.

DH, their DD is wfh full time and has good flexibility but zero family support where we live. He would need to be present when I was not (and that should be ok) DC are 2.5 and 6.

Think I’ve lost my confidence.

Any working mothers gone for a role with some international travel? Regrets? Worth it for other elements of the job? Daft to give up what I have? Daft to give up this opportunity?

I would do it! Once a quarter should be possible to organise in advance. As long as there's no other hidden office days?

It sounds like the exciting change needed without the negatives of full time.

I did similar but less exciting (going from part time role 1 day per week in office 3 days WFH, to fully remote part time role with similar salary increase to yours, with 1 day every 2 months in the office and annual international travel) and I'm very glad I did, as keeping part time hours when moving to a new company is so unusual.

I travel for work every 4-8 weeks and have done since my kids are 2. Mostly 2-3 day trips to Europe. DH is perfectly capable of managing things when I'm away and it all works out fine.

Go for the job. It sounds like a great opportunity.

What does you DH think? I think I would be tempted to go for it, it’s not every week you will need to be away and if there is a school event I am sure DH can go. As long as he is on board I am sure you will be able to make it work!

DH is in a great position to be supportive of this, and he is not at all clueless- no concerns there.

It’s really just my confidence nose dive and not being used to being away at all.. I’ve only been away from them a handful of nights - through choice really, and lack of support to have them so it’s only when I go solo to see friends etc.

The fact they are happy to have part time is so so rare, would I be mad to turn that down - this is the thing I might regret if I don’t take it.. but when I’m on my way to the airport that first time I’ll be in bits.

Thanks for the words, rationally I know good mothers all over the world do do this already, I’m just not sure I can. I need to have a really good think

Take it. As you say a rare chance and it makes such a difference to have an employer supportive of part time from the beginning. A short trip every quarter sounds doable and I’d you’re given good notice can see it being a problem.

Do it, sounds brilliant. Once a quarter is manageable, plenty of men with young kids travel more than that so mums ought to be able to as well frankly.

Few people feel fully confident at a new role but my advice is just imagine you're a mediocre man - he knows he's going to nail this, and you're way better than him! 😄

Sounds like a great opportunity! I wouldn't dismiss it just because it requires you to travel once a quarter - that is not particularly demanding. And I don't understand the hesitation about your DH being responsible for your DC on those days, particularly given that he works for home. Surely he can manage that. If he needs some support to juggle around his work commitments, you guys could pay a babysitter or childminder to fill any childcare gaps. It's doable!

Sorry to be a bore but I'd also consider your carbon footprint. If you can Eurostar it then yes, otherwise your negative carbon impact on this world is significant. I'd be declining on those grounds even though I'm not really a climate nut.

That aside, if it's just confidence holding you back - yep go for it x

Take it! I travel for work and have done since biggest was a baby. It's all fine, kids barely notice. We can't both make all the school plays etc anyway (one parent always does it) and I don't think they notice. You'll nail it, it's hardly any travel.

There is no hesitation re DH, capable loving Dad. Dc would be well cared for, no doubt at all.

My hesitation is all me.. missing things, bit of anxiety re travel, bit of self doubt re a new role.

I can hear all the positive responses here, much like I would tell a friend in the same situation I suppose. There are lots of ticks in what the job could offer me. Thank you.

Re travel - train is not possible, unfortunately , travel would be to Scandinavia. The carbon footprint element isn’t something I had thought about, but I will consider this for sure. Also could contribute to the conversation with the office on occasions I would like to dial in etc.

I think it sounds like a wonderful opportunity. I travelled a similar amount when kids were small and enjoyed that break away from them.

Definitely take it. Work on your self confidence in the meantime. You'll be grand.

This is exactly what I need to do. I seems to have left my career confidence on the maternity ward.. I don’t want to model that for my DC. (To the poster who mentioned working on my confidence)

Just checking back in to all the supportive posters that I eventually accepted on terms I am happy with and am currently in my notice period. Nerve wracking but doing it anyway! Wish me luck 🍀

That's great to hear. Well done you.