please tell me she will be okay - work in 3 weeks

[emalushka]

Hello. Am in a bit of a panic and need some reassurance that everything will be okay. I'm going back to work in 3 weeks, when my daughter will be 7 months old.
She is very clingy - doesn't really like being with other people and usually cries if myself or her dad are not in sight. I have to go back to work though - will she be okay or be permanently scarred?

I felt just like you emalushka - and that was only a month ago. Dd is now happily in nursery, playing with new toys, painting pictures, and watching lots of other little people. She seems to love it - every time I sneak into the baby room she is happily banging away on a drum of shaking a rattle and making little squeals of delight. She only gets upset when she spots me and I don't immediately pick her up.

Your dd will be fine - you will be the one who is a mess - I cried a lot in teh weeks before dd went to nursery and also cried IN the nusery on her first settling in day . But it gets easier and I now enjoy my "adult" days at work. And they are made so much better because at the end of each day I get the best cuddle and "face patting" from dd when I pick her up

Hi ema - sorry to hear you're feeling panicky. Yes, she will be OK - eventually - but you may have to steel yourself for a difficult period after you first go back.

DS1 was quite like your daughter, by the sound of it, and we had a tough few weeks while he was settling into his nursery (I won't scare you with the details! I don't think it was a normal reaction - the roomleader told us, "Frankly, we've never had a child behave like this before"...).

I was lucky enough to have a very understanding boss who would let me, for example, take longer lunch breaks so I could go and spend some time with him in the middle of the day, or finish early so he was having shorter days. So if you can find ways of building a bit of slack into your routine for the first few weeks to allow yourself some extra reassurance time, that would be a big plus.

PS - DS1 is now a very well-balanced, independent, generous nearly-9YO and is not showing signs of lifetime scarring just yet It will be tough, but you can do it.

poor you, I remember being in your shoes. The only difference is that my DD would only be with me - even DH was not good enough. My DD started nursery at 6 months as I had to go back to work. I was so worried about her. It took a lot of strength on my part to go ahead and leave her there but I was very happy with the nursery I had chosen. She settled in remarkably well - she bonded very well with two of the staff members and that made it home from home for her.

She has been there for three years now and often cries when I come to pick her up becasue she wants to stay all the time.

I very much doubt your DD will be permanently scarred but you are going to go through the grinder for a good few weeks I should think. It is very likely to be a far harder thing for you than her.

Good luck

She will be fine emalushka, 7 months is often a pretty clingy age but as soon as you drop her off she will be fine with the nursery staff. If you can afford it, I would suggest settling her in gradually for a week or two before you go back to work, gives you a chance to get some rest, get your haircut and review your work wardrobe etc too as you will prob find things quite manic once you get back to work!

She'll be fine.
Mine were that age when I went back to work.

Thank you. I've just got to grit my teeth I think and try and get myself into work mode. For my own sake, I'm quite looking forward to going back, but I'm just so worried about her. I can see her crying and crying, but no one comforting her. I'm being soft, I know.

That won't happen! It's an emotional fear but not a real one, if you see what I mean. It really is worse for you.

She's not going to nursery just yet, is being looked after by my mum and dad - on separate days (they are divorced!) but even so, she's never really warmed to either of them!

but nursery staff will be more used to that particular age and she will have little peers to help her understand what to do so it is not the same.

do you think she'd be better at nursery rather with gran and grandad?

Sorry I think I misread OP as saying she was going to nursery soon. Maybe, TBH, but if you could encourage your mum and dad to take her to things like baby group at local library that would also help settle her? Peer pressure, if that's what it is, seems to be really helpful.

It's not really a case of 'better'- it's different. Nursery is great for building little people's self confidence and helping them develop the skills of interacting with other children. They will also get the chance to do all sorts of activities and play with equipment etc which you can't offer at home.
grandparents are great (well, hopefully!) but it's a different sort of relationship. Just because your dd is a bit wary of her grandparents, it doesnt mean she won't settle at nursery.

emalushka, it will be fine. i think it is very nice that your parents are going to look after her and of course they will take good care of their gd.

you could ask them to do what my childminder does, which is to keep a basic log of what has happened during the day (eat, sleep, activity etc) which will help you to feel reassured and provide a sort of handover between all of you.

Thank you for your advice. I think I'm going to cry lots that first week. Bloody hell. I never in my life expected to feel like this. Having kids turns you upside down and inside out. I used to love going to work and used to wake up in a morning excited about the day. How things change.

She will be going to nursery when she is one, I just felt like she was too little til then. Maybe I was wrong.

Ah it is tough isn't it! Everyone feels the same. Hope it all goes well.