Called a liar at work.

[Wincyette]

A colleague called me a liar in front of other colleagues. Turned out that I had misheard one of the things my colleague had said earlier, and I apologised for that, but the colleague continued screaming and crying and calling me a liar.

Where do I go from here?

I’d speak to a manager or someone more senior. It was a misunderstanding. Youve apologised. They are escalating the issue with their behaviour tantrum.

What TheCaterall said. She's being a drama queen.

A senior manager was called in to moderate the altercation. It was about more than the misheard exchange, though that was the one I apologised for.

Will the colleague be expected to apologise? Or will I, for upsetting them? I have, already, for the thing I got wrong, but I cannot for other things, because I believe them to be true and accurate.

I'm not sure I want them to apologise to me. It would humiliate them and only make our relationship worse. Yet they made an unacceptable accusation against me.

So the misheard bit is solved.

But are you saying that there is something still unresolved, that you believe to be true but your colleague thinks you are lying about?

This sounds like Celebrity Get me Out of Here. The person shouting at you for being a liar was extremely unprofessional IMO.

I think so.

I'm also not sure my colleague actually understood that I was apologising. They appeared so upset.

I think that there is a lot more to this than you are saying, so I'm not going to say the other person is in the wrong. You lied about them. And your defence about "the other stuff" is that you believe it to be true and accurate. Believing it doesn't make it true or accurate. And even if it is true and accurate doesn't mean it should be said or that you are the one who should say it. At best it seems six of one and half a dozen of the other. But actually it sounds a bit like you are a bully.

Ironic, considering that I'm the one being bullied.

I'm sure both of us think we have been being truthful. I'm not claiming to have any high ground here. And management know about the problems. But I didn't call anyone a liar.

But by your own admission you said something that wasn't true! Your explanation might be that you "misheard" something, but you said it and it wasn't true. That is the definition of a lie - something that is not true. I'm not seeing any moral high ground here - you or her. But perhaps it isn't your place to be repeating or commenting on anything to do with your colleague when you know that the relationship is fraught?

There was no malice involved on the OP’s part, from what she has described. To ‘tell a lie’, she would have to knowingly be spreading false information. She has explained that she misheard something and repeated what she believed to be true. That is not ‘telling lies’. I’m sorry that you are having difficulty understanding that, but it doesn’t give you any right to accuse the OP of bullying anyone.

When did it become acceptable to scream and cry at work?

I mean it’s all really going to depend on what it is that was said.

For example, if you were telling people she was having an affair with a work colleague and claimed you only repeated what you ‘misheard’, I can imagine all the sympathy being with the person you were talking about. Screaming isn’t professional but many people would get angry and upset at something like that.

and even if you heard correctly, why would you be repeating it?

If it was she said ‘send the monthly report’ and you thought she said ‘the daily report’ and she screamed at you I would imagine there would be lots of sympathy your way and she may be told to apologise.

What the subject will really shed light on what might happen

Screaming, crying, calling you a liar - you need to raise this profoundly unprofessional behaviour with your manager and HR.

I’m lost. Why does it matter that she has called you a liar? What has happened as a result/ what are you worried will happen as a result?

When did it become acceptable to publicly accuse a colleague of being a liar at work?

I can entirely accept that someone might become overwhelmed and emotional at work.

It goes beyond the bounds of politely tolerating a colleague you dislike.

I did not spread gossip. It was more along the lines of annual/monthly report. Also, during the screaming and crying, the colleague made other accusations about me. I'm not clear whether they were claiming that others also think I am a liar, or that others think I am a nightmare to work with. Like I said, the colleague was very emotional. Maybe people have complained about me, I don't know. But, again, these unsubstantiated claims were made about me in front of others.

I feel very uncomfortable. I'm worried - maybe it's true? But if I don't know what about me is bothering others, I don't know what to change. And even if it's not true - mud sticks.

It’s impossible to say with the lack of context

Oddly, there are at least two versions of this story and we are hearing one of them. I am sorry if you are having trouble understanding that. The OP is giving a highly truncated version of a story that even, by their own words, does not cover them with glory. So if you do not like it, that's tough. I can see no valid reason for the OP to be discussing their colleague with other colleagues, and the OP seems to be remarkably coy about explaining what they were doing or why they felt they had the right to discuss a collegaue in this way. Perhaps you believe everything you are told. That is hardly a sensible approach to life. We only have one version that they was no malice, or that there was a "misheard" thing. Given the OP has happily admitted that their relationship with this person is "difficult", and that there are more incidents and issues, we cannot assume this is one-sided.

Why do you assume that I was discussing my colleague with other colleagues? They brought the matter up in front of the other colleagues.

So who were you discussing it with? Because you said something to someone which wasn't true. Perhaps you might like to provide the context and full story instead of coy hints about how you didn't lie, you weren't talking to anyone, and you believed everything you said to be true and accurate, not that you said anything because you didn't discuss it with anyone.

What did you say? The key is how serious it was. If it was something very minor they're over reacting but if it was something significant, their upset may be justified.