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Colleague offended after seat-move.

12 replies

Rainbowthyme · 22/11/2023 11:38

Name changed for this just in case. Probably a vent more so than a problem solve…

I work in a small section of an open-plan office. We are in the centre and other sections have separate offices to the sides. Until recently, I was sitting beside a very loud woman. Screeching, singing, whooping, bouncing, phone videos, constant attention-seeking behaviours, occasional volatile behaviours etc. No boundaries and the kind who gets her whole social quota from the office. Other sections complained even though they could shut their doors to the noise, but nothing changed for more than a day and then she’d also make a loud fuss over being complained about.

I found the literal screaming and general distraction very difficult to cope with. I recently was finally able to move desk. I told my line manager that the general open-plan noise was hard for me, careful not to mention anyone, however she’s no idiot and would have understood the unspoken. So now I’m a bit away in a corner behind a pillar and it’s really taken the edge off.

The screaming woman is work besties with an uncouth man who sits opposite her. He fancies her and has mentionitis when she’s not around. She doesn’t fancy him but, as with everything, likes the attention. Man has made me a little uncomfortable since I started there a year ago. He’s quite rough, a messy drunk when they all go out, and he stares.

I appear to have offended noisy woman by moving away from her. (Any perceived lack of attention causes more attention-seeking behaviours. She’s already done pointed sniffs and hurt looks at me). She appears to be venting her grievances to staring man. In office yesterday (she was wfh), he was on his private phone to her, mumbling, asking her if she was okay, whilst staring at me. He had to turn his head right round to stare at me so it was obvious. When the call was finished, he turned the whole way around on his seat and did a dirty look at me.

I don’t need this passive-aggressive nonsense in an office. It’s a nice job, taken a year to feel settled there and I finally do after only a seat change. How do you handle this, I presume just ignore and wait for it to pass?

OP posts:
Swearwolf · 22/11/2023 11:41

That sounds awful. Are they in the same team as you? If you share a manager it would be worth having a word. They are being ridiculously unprofessional.

Comefromaway · 22/11/2023 11:42

She sounds incredibly unprofessional. Anyone making that kind of racket where I work, especially if others were trying to concentrate or were on the phone to clients, would be told to STFU or go and get another job.

DuploTrain · 22/11/2023 11:42

Just ignore them, and pity them that they have nothing more interesting going on in their lives. Don’t let them get under your skin.

Can you move your screen a bit so you can’t actually see them?

Cosywintertime · 22/11/2023 11:45

Why is your management not stepping in if someone is literally screaming. A scream is a loud piecing cry, why is she doing this?

TellySavalashairbrush · 22/11/2023 11:51

I had something similar happen to me, but an obnoxious male colleague instead. When I moved over to the other end of the office to get some peace and quiet, he told anyone that would listen that I was racist and had moved to be away from ethnic minority colleagues. Utter bollocks of course and fortunately my colleagues saw through him. I did mention it to my manager though. Maybe it could be worth a mention to your manager- this behaviour is totally unacceptable in an office environment.

glitterfinder · 22/11/2023 11:52

My armchair diagnosis is histrionic personality and not much at all going on outside work. The managers are in one of the separate offices and so the, yes, literal, screaming wouldn't have affected them so much.

glitterfinder · 22/11/2023 13:34

No further insights? I'm already dreading the dirty looks tomorrow when we're all in together..

DuploTrain · 22/11/2023 13:35

You’ve name changed back OP

Bilingualspingual · 22/11/2023 13:43

My advice, for what it’s worth, is to really, truly allow her to be offended. It doesn’t hurt you and it probably will blow over. But when i acknowledge that I can’t change how someone feels, only how I feel, it makes it easier to let go.
Then, if you can, think of someone you know(often a man!) who just wouldn’t notice the stares and whispers because they’re getting on with work and thinking about other things, and try to channel how that feels - fake not caring til you make it!
And remember - pretty much everyone feels how you do.

Bilingualspingual · 22/11/2023 13:46

Ps also - it sounds hellish and you were right to move. Someone should be having a firm word with her.

SkaneTos · 22/11/2023 13:46

Is one allowed to sing in an open-plan office? Weird.

I understand why you wanted to move seat, OP.

Squeaky2023 · 22/11/2023 13:54

"Graham, is there a problem? You've/you are staring at me."
Confront bullies.

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