To want to leave my current job but stuck

[Firsttimmummy]

Feeling extremely emotional writing this, I had little one just a year ago and I returned back to work part time where I work as a solicitor. I worked extremely hard to get where I am and gained my position by basically working myself up the leader.

Since coming back to work I tried so hard but it's not enough, I'm expected to work Monday and Tuesday where I don't get paid, always talked about when I go on entitled annual leave and basically been called a burden.

My LO was extremely planned after suffering through years of infertility and miscarriages. I feel like I can't be a good mother and a good employer, I can't stop crying and they refuse me an assistant because I'm part time but everyone full time gets one. I was also called into a meeting about me taking annual leave and how I should find someone to cover me for when I'm off even though I did message them a few times and was ignored.

Noone hardly talks to me which is fine as I'm not the most confident person anymore and I'm there to walk not play as my mum once said. Yet I feel so lonely and it's making me feel so on edge. I use to love my job and was so proud of myself.

I need part time job because of child care cost, I can't afford to quit my current job as I basically pay everything for the LO. Does anyone know any part time jobs where I can do it in the evening, I will literally do anything but I can't seem to find anything once they see my law degree they don't even bother messaging me back (sorry if this is an errors in this currently a mess) I feel extremely pushed out

Is moving to a nicer more family friendly firm an option?

I have looked but it seems noone in my field wants someone part time..I have contacted so many recruiters, companies etc.

I'm sorry OP. This sounds shit and I can kind of relate.

I went back FT as I knew part time would be a car crash and I would end up in a similar position to you (ie work on days off and being viewed as a slacker anyway).

As it is I got pregnant 2 months after return to work and am generally not considered / dismissed by the team.
As a previous "star performer"
It's hard to take.

I would suggest the following:

• do no work on Monday or Tuesday. Nothing. Respond to nothing. Use those days to recharge, focus on yourself and enjoy your child. You have no future at this company anyway so stop pouring energy into it.

• meetings. If the person you are meeting has a PA cc and ask them to diarise. If ANYONE with a PA is attending the meeting ask them (nicely) to diarise. Otherwise just accept you don't have one as it won't change.

• write your CV and start interviewing. Do not take the first job offered and negotiate the terms you want upfront.

When you are not exhausted overworked and underappreciated you will be get your groove back. I promise.

Most importantly! you WILL look back on this in a year or 2 and be so happy this happened...because this shitty thing that is happening is your catalyst for change and is why you have your nice new job with better pay and conditions. Believe me! Because it's true.

someone told me the above about 8 years ago when I was in a bad job with a toxic boss who destroyed my self confidence... I didn't believe them and I was wrong. The new job paid 20k more, had better hours and progression and I was much happier.

I told my DH this 2 years ago when he was in a toxic job doing 60 hours a week and got nothing but criticism and abuse. He didn't believe me at the time... His new job paid 15k more and he just got another 10k pay rise! He works remotely and does about 30 hours a week! The company love him, he has his confidence back.

You will come out of this stronger and happier.