Anxiety dealing with complaining clients

[CactusRose]

Hi, I'm looking for tips and advice.

I work in an SME selling professional services (outsourced facilities management, fleet management, etc.). I am a manager with only the owner of the business above me. He is a very hands-off boss and absolutely hates being drawn into anything practical - very much a blue-sky-thinking-on-the-golf-course kinda guy. I am the final escalations point for the business simply because there just isn't anyone else to do it. The MD doesn't really show his face in the office, and when I have been to him with issues in the past he makes it clear he thinks less of me for asking for help and will do anything to get out of it.

I am starting to dread coming to work because of the amount of complaints coming my way. My team are hardworking, intelligent people who often don't do anything wrong, but it's the nature of my company's business that sometimes issues arise which cause clients huge difficulties and when we can't immediately solve the problem, the clients lose their shit - which gets escalated to me.

I like my job, for the most part, but the anxiety I am feeling about these complaints is starting to become really hard to manage. I think I am good at my job, but this is a real stumbling block for me. I don't feel like I get any support from above, so I can't escalate upwards. However, my team are brilliant and already overstretched: I can't leave them to flounder either.

Sometimes the clients can be extremely rude and overbearing. It can get personal at times, and they can be relentless with their emails/calls/demands for immediate resolutions. The dread I get when I hear that "ping" of an email landing or Teams ringing is getting unbearable. During a call or a meeting I find my voice shaking and breaking, I go bright red, sweaty and get completely flustered - I am obviously nervous - which doesn't help when I'm trying to be authoritative. I've found that I'm working really long hours and thinking/worrying about the complaints even when I'm not working.

Can anyone give me some practical tips on calming myself down and dealing with the bubble in my stomach?! Likewise, any tried and tested one-liners to use to tell clients to politely f-off?

NB - I am looking for other work but well-paid, fully flexible jobs in my sector are like unicorn poo, so I am likely to be here for the foreseeable!

The first thing I was taught about customer service is you don't have to put up with abusive customers. Politely but firmly say "I understand that you are upset but please do not use that language with me or I will have to terminate the call." and if they carry on, put the phone down, and follow up by email to explain why you did it, offering an opportunity for another call or discussion by email.

Secondly, it sounds like you need to do some managing of their expectations. Listen to them, empathise, and then give a clear timeline of what is going to happen to sort it out. Then actually do what you said you would do. Confirm what you are committing to in wiriting so they know what to expect. That will stop them expecting immediate resolutions. If they keep chasing, refer them back to the timeline you've already told them. And if that timeline slips, then keep them informed. Don't commit to something you can't deliver. If it can usually be done in 5 days, and sometimes 3 but occasionally 7, tell them 7, and exceed their expectations as much as possible.

Thirdly, there might well be things you can do to reduce the number of complaints that come your way. Can you do some training with staff on managing complaints, and give some of your more experienced people greater powers to resolve things themselves? People don't like being passed from pillar to post when they have a problem. If the first person they speak to can solve the issue, then it's a better experience for them, and less for you to deal with. So think about empowering your team.

Think about publishing some information about what happens when things go wrong and timelines for putting it right, on social media or on your website. An FAQ where people can go and see 'if your widget breaks we will make you a new one but it takes 7-10 days from start to finish' might take the sting out of some people's complaints.

Finally, don't take it personally. They are not angry at you, they are angry about the experience they are having. They want to speak to someone who is competent and sympathetic and who will sort it. But they need to be realistic about what is possible. So keep calm, be reassuring, and commit to what you can deliver and no more.